I needed clothes. I only had two spare sets in my car, and I needed two more sets if I was going to stay for two nights before heading to class. This room had become my safe haven. There was a fast-food restaurant across the street. I would go over there about once a day to get food of some sort. That was about all I could stomach at this point. Most of my one meal a day would be thrown away when I couldn’t force down another bite.
Forcing my thoughts back on the task at hand, I knew I couldn’t go home, not yet anyway. I wasn’t strong enough to deal with the memories.
Clothes. Where could I get clothes?
I didn’t have enough cash left. There were clothes at my mom’s, but I didn’t want to go back there with how it had affected me the last time. I had no choice but to get my act together. I needed to be strong for my mom, too.
Nora.
Nora would help me and not tell anyone where I was at.
I went across the brown carpet to the red floral bedspread where my backpack laid. I pulled out my phone and turned it on. There were over ninety-nine notifications. I cleared them out and pulled up Nora’s name.
Me: Can you do me a favor?
Nora: Yeah, I tried calling to see if you wanted to do lunch, and it went to voice mail. Are you okay?
Adam hasn’t told her we’re over? What did people know?
I figured she would have known what was going on by now. My mind didn’t know what to make of this.
Me: I don’t want to go into it, but Adam and I broke up. I need clothes. Can you bring them to me? I’m not ready to face the world yet. I’ve been locked up, studying.
Nora: I’m sorry, Ainsley. I’ll crush his balls if you want me to. And of course I’ll get you some clothes. Where can I bring them?
Me: Sunshine Motel. Room 12.
Nora: What time do you want me to drop them off?
Me: Whatever is easiest for you.
Nora: Okay, give me a couple of hours to swing by your place, and then I’ll come to you.
Me: Thanks, Nora. I’m going to turn off my phone again.
Nora: Anytime. You know that. Okay. I’ll call the motel if I need you. Things will get better, I promise. Have you talked to him yet?
Me: No. I’m not ready to. I have to get my things from his place, but I’ll figure that out later.
Nora: I understand. See ya in a bit.
Me: Thanks again.
I shut off my phone and crawled underneath the covers as a fresh wave of tears hit. Regardless of what I’d told myself, it was going to be a long time before I healed completely from the loss of Adam. Texting Nora had shown me how far I still had to go with moving past the hurt.
I would focus on the second I was currently living in until I was able to be in the minute, then the hour, then the day. Eventually, the sharp pain would become a dull ache, aches I could live with. The covers were pulled over my head like they used to be when I’d tried to drown out the world when my father would hit my mom over and over again. It was hard thinking that Adam had written me off and not told anyone about us.
It was a fresh cut to my already battered self.
I was a fucking mess, a disaster. I hadn’t slept in over two days as I’d tried every which way I knew to find Ainsley. I had gone to all her classes, her mother’s house, her place, the library, and anywhere we had ever been. Every place I’d tried was a dead end. She had disappeared, and I hoped that she was okay. My girl had every right to react the way she had without knowing everything that was going on.
I need Ainsley back. I love her, and I am ready to tell her how I feel.
Shit, where could she be?
Nora came running into my office. “She texted me. I know where she is.”
I stood. “Where? Is she okay?” Relief washed through my body, knowing she had made contact with someone.
She gave me one of those looks. “Yes, she’s alive, but she’s not okay. She’s heartbroken. Adam, I have never led her astray like I just did over texts. You’d better not make me regret helping you get her back. If you’re going to try to win her back, make sure you know that you really want this and not the chase. I understand what happened with her overhearing your convo with Jessica, but so help me if you are lying to me—”
“Nora, I swear I’m not. I love her, and I’m never letting her go. Ever.” There wasn’t an ounce of doubt in my mind. I hoped my voice conveyed the same sentiment. “Please tell me where I can find her, Nora.”
Nora looked me over for a second, and I met her gaze head-on, not backing down. I was so close to seeing Ainsley again.
Nora nodded to herself and then said, “I believe you, but first, you need a plan.”
“A plan? No, I need to see her now.” My voice sounded strained.
I only need Ainsley.
Nora walked over to the desk, and she drummed her fingers on the glass top. “Yes, a plan. For starters, you need a shower and some fresh clothes. You’re getting ripe. Second, you need to sweep her off her feet, show her how you really feel, and how much you love her. You’re going to have to do something to get her to let her guard down. I don’t know if she’d talk to you right now if you were waiting outside her motel door.”
Scrubbing a hand down my face, I knew Nora was right. Ainsley needed me to give myself, my entire being, to her. If I’d heard those words that I said to Jessica, I would have been devastated after everything we had shared. Ainsley had never asked for anything in return, except for honesty from me.
I messed up.
I sank back in the chair as my mind raced with thoughts. I had to do something that would take Ainsley off her guard for a moment in order for her to see the truth behind my words, something that would cause her to be open enough for me to slip in. That incessant drumming from Nora’s fingers was driving me fucking mad. It was like a dog constantly nipping at your heels.
Dog.
/> Lindy.
I stood. “I have to go. Can you go get her some clothes and meet me back here in two hours?”
“What do you have planned, Casanova?” One of her eyebrows was cocked.
Grabbing my keys from the desk, I made sure with my other hand that I had my wallet. “I need to get a few things. When I meet you back here, I’ll explain, but I have a plan.”
She made a shooing motion. “Hurry. Skedaddle. I’ll meet you back here in two hours.”
I was already out the door. “Sounds good.” I stopped. “And, Nora?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.”
She gave me a salute. “You’re welcome. Just don’t let her go again.”
“Never.”
I made my way to my car and began heading to my house. I thought back on the events that had led up to this moment. Nora had been a hard case to convince to help me.
Brandt had informed me that Ainsley was in my office the entire time I was talking to Jessica. I ran out to the parking lot, and there was no sign of Ainsley’s car. Pulling out my phone, I dialed her number as I looked in all directions, trying to spot her vehicle. My mind was chaotic as I tried to think of where she could be. My heart felt as if it was being crushed.
It started ringing.
I began muttering into the phone, “Come on, baby, pick up. It’s not what you think.”
My pulse was racing, and thoughts of never seeing Ainsley began entering my mind.
Her voice came on the phone. “Hey, this is Ainsley. Leave a message, and I’ll call you back.”
Damn it. Damn it all to hell.
“Baby, call me. Let me explain. What you heard is all lies.”
I typed out a text, not knowing what to do or where she was going.
Me: Ainsley, baby, call me. What you heard is not true.
I ran back into the club as I tried to call her repeatedly.
Snake was at the door. “Adam, Ainsley—”
“I know. Did she say where she was going?”
Snake shook his head. “No, man. I asked if there was something wrong, and she didn’t respond.”