Nothing phased Matt. It could be raining purple dinosaurs and he’d calmly assess the situation and then handle it. The control he possessed was like no other.
“Sounds good. I’ll have my cell.”
I ran by my house to pick up some essentials, and within an hour, I pulled up to Nikola’s. When my headlights hit in her windows, she walked out the door, locking it. She lived in a townhome complex, and the units all had the same gray siding. I bet the inside of her place was colorful and vibrant. Nikola loved weird-ass furniture.
I got out of my vehicle. “I would have come to the door.”
She turned and ran into my arms, surprising me. Her missing me as much as I’d missed her reassured me since I still wasn’t sure what all was going through her mind. I brought her to me. Her shampoo was still the same floral scent I remembered. Closing my eyes, I tried to memorize what it felt like to hold her like this.
“I guess you did miss me a lot.”
Nikola nodded into my chest. “I did.”
Something was off. I pulled back and searched her eyes. “Hey, is something wrong?”
“No, I’m glad you’re here.”
The light was dim and I couldn’t see her face, but I was pretty sure she wasn’t telling me everything. “If this is going to work, we’re going to have to be honest with each other.”
Her posture went rigid, and I knew we were headed into rougher waters. It happened a little sooner than I wanted, but Quentin had said that the same thing had happened when he and his wife had gotten back together. The expectations they’d once had for each other had changed. Addicts needed honesty at all times.
“Brandt, please don’t push me on this. Please. I just want to leave.”
I knew she was hiding something. “Nikola.”
She looked away. I waited for her to look at me. Eventually, she’d have to. She knew I’d rather be silent than speak to her back or the side of her face.
Finally, her stubbornness gave in and her eyes met mine. “I’m not asking you for an explanation. I’m asking you to be truthful. If you don’t want to talk about it, say that. Don’t say it’s nothing when I know that’s a lie.”
Nikola nodded. “You’re right. I don’t want to talk about it right now.”
I couldn’t remember whether we used to mask things, but I guess I wouldn’t have been as sensitive to it as she. Maybe if I got her away from here, she’d open up.
“Are you ready to go, baby?”
She nodded, and I guided her to the passenger side. When I got in, I put the vehicle into reverse right as her phone rang.
She picked it up. “Yes. I’m good. I’m with Brandt. Yes, he just got here. I will. Thanks.” She hung up, then looked out the window.
I wasn’t sure what to make of the conversation, but she’d clearly called someone—presumably Wesley—about being scared.
Time. We need time. Wesley is safe. He’s been her go-to person. Quentin warned me about this when Nikola was out of town.
I repeated this to myself over and over. It was hard as fuck to swallow that jagged pill—her going to another man first. But, hell, I’d only been back in her life for five days.
Time. We need time.
Turning the radio on to break the silence, I pulled out of the driveway and resumed our course. After a few minutes, I felt a hand on mine. I’d left it on the console as an invitation.
“I’m sorry. I got spooked and called Wesley out of habit. I thought I heard something outside my apartment. It ended up being nothing.”
And, like that, our waters smoothed without any urges to use. Thank you. One of the fears I’d expressed to Quentin was reading too much into the regular ups and downs of life and slipping back into old habits. I remembered his words: “Having a healthy respect for stress and not thinking you’re invincible to the shit that happens in life will keep your mind on the right side of things.”
“Do you get spooked often?” There was a fifty-fifty chance she’d answer me, and I wanted her to know that I wasn’t giving up on hearing what had happened.
“Some. Where are you taking me?” Her breathing accelerated a little.
Obviously, we’d hit a subject that made Nikola uncomfortable. The soft blue light from the inside of the car cast a glow on her face. Her brows were slightly creased. At least she was honest. I let the subject change.
“To a place I like to go when I have a lot to think about,”
She smiled. “I think that sounds like a perfect date tonight.”
We lapsed back into silence. My mind started sorting through clues as to what might be bothering her. I scrolled through all my recent interactions with Nikola when I remembered the text she’d received when I’d gone to Anne’s on New Year’s Day.
Eventually, Nikola’s breathing returned to normal. Her posture began to relax, too.
I pulled up to one of my most favorite places on Earth and turned the SUV around to park.
“We’re at an airport?”
Looking over to meet Nikola’s gaze, I answered, “Yes, we’re at Peachtree DeKalb Airport. You’ll see why I brought you here in a few minutes.”
I pressed the button for the back hatch and it popped open. Without waiting for me, Nikola got out of the vehicle. The runway lights lit up the whole area.
She watched me inquisitively as I jumped in the back and slid the cooler over. Giving her a wink, I patted the space beside me. Nikola accepted the invitation and came to sit right next to me. Without saying a word, I opened the cooler and got out two bottles of water and two half-pints of Rocky Road ice cream.
“I hope this is still your favorite.”
She beamed at me. “It is.”
I handed her a spoon, and as we ate our ice cream, Nikola asked, “Why’d you bring me here? I’m trying to piece this all together. I didn’t know you liked planes.”
The sound of an airplane engine accelerating sounded in the distance. It’d be less than a couple of minutes until we saw my favorite part.
“Watch the runway. It’s a busy enough airport that you can see planes taking off and landing. The amount of control and precision it takes to fly is amazing. It may not make sense to you, but I wanted you to be part of this.”
The one-prop plane sped up as it crossed in front of us on the runway. The front wheels barely lifted off the ground and, slowly, the rest of the plane followed. It was incredible to see each and every time.
Nikola was in awe. “Wow. Thank you. I get it.”
I knew she would. We always got each other. She continued to speak, “You stay in control of yourself, as a pilot controls a plane, focused and determined not to go back to drugs.”
“Yes. I never used drugs to escape anything bad. I did them because I thought I could control them and not become an addict. Control is something to be respected and not toyed with. I was humbled when I saw how wrong I really was.”
Another plane started in the distance. There’d be another takeoff soon.
The wind blew, and it was fucking cold. “Can we sit inside the car and lower the hatch? It’s freezing.”
“Sure thing.”
We brought our knees in. I hit the button on the keychain to lower the back part of my vehicle. I hit the start button to get the heater going. Nikola curled into my side. I cracked the windo so we could still hear the planes.
“Here’s my ice cream. I’m too cold.” Nikola’s teeth were chattering as I grabbed he
r pint.
“I’ll have to remember this next time I want you close to me.” That got me a light slap on the stomach, where her hand stayed. I fucking loved her touching me like this. It’s how we used to cuddle. I placed both half-pints back in the cooler before pulling her closer.
“I’ve always eaten ice cream when I came here. I don’t know why, it just works.” The car warmed up fast. We went to speak when our eyes connected. That familiar connection came back. Nikola’s head slightly inclined to mine.
“I want to kiss you, Nikola.”
She took a deep breath. So many emotions warred on her face. Her lips inched closer to mine. A tingling sensation hit my lips, knowing they were moments away from tasting the sweetest thing on Earth. An ambulance siren in the distance made Nikola pull back slightly, her eyes coming back into focus. Startled, she blinked rapidly as if to shake the connection.
“I’m not ready yet. I’m sorry.” Her voice was filled with regret.
There were times that felt like we were together like we had been, and times like this with razor-sharp truth. I needed to work harder. I was a fucking moron for thinking it was going to be easy. I needed to earn the right to kiss her again.
Deep down, it hurt that I’d been denied. But she deserved to find total trust in the person she gave a piece of herself to. Hell, this was only our first date, and I’m sure she was scared shitless about dating an addict. She looked away when it took me a moment to respond. I tried to process everything on the fly.
I put a finger under her chin. “Hey, don’t worry. It’ll happen when it’s meant to. I fucked up pretty bad. You deserve whatever time you need to see I’ve changed.”
Another plane took off in the distance. “I like your plan and the thought of having more time with you.”
“I like that, too, baby.”
Nikola wrapped her arms around me, and I took in her scent as I kissed the top of her head. An engine starting sounded in the distance. This was a perfect moment—I hadn’t had one in a long time.
FOR THE PAST few days, I’d been in New York, and I was due to see Brandt tonight. We’d talked every day, whenever I had spare time, which hadn’t been much. There were parts of Brandt that had changed. He thought things through more, especially when it came to potential consequences. He had a regimented gym schedule. In the past year, it seemed like Brandt hadn’t done much other than see his mom, work out, and work at the club. Before, he’d been a social creature—the life of the party.