Dissipate

Turning, the Keeper stepped away. The Watchers followed. Not a Charge moved from their spot until the last Watcher had passed by me. It was a sign of respect. My best friend, Matthew, walked by me and his fingers grazed mine. Feeling his kindness and sympathy had my lips trembling for a mere moment. Matthew was nineteen and had recently been named a Watcher. Since his induction ceremony, our time together had been limited. I missed him.

I turned and followed the slow procession. The dirt paths were muddy and my laced-up boots splashed mud on the hem of my soaked, black dress. The old white, wooden community hall doors creaked open as we entered in. None of the Watchers or the Keeper wiped their feet and tracked mud along the wooden floor.

It was evident the Charges did all of the cleaning as they passed over the threshold. The Charges tried to wipe as much mud off our shoes as possible in the two seconds our feet touched the rug to lessen the cleaning time. To delay and keep people from entering was inconsiderate.

No one said a word as we took our seats and the Keeper stood at the front of the room. The Watchers sat at the long wooden table behind him. All of the Charges sat in rows perpendicular to the Watchers.

Matthew took a position toward the end of the table facing the room. For a brief second, our gazes locked before he looked at the plate being placed in front of him. Those crystal-blue eyes framed with blond hair were filled with compassion. Watchers were always served first. Charges were required to get their own plates unless it was a meal of reflection.

The Keeper removed his hat. “Let’s use this time to reflect on the legacy that Anita left. Use it to brighten our own lights. Let the food give us the energy we need to continue our mission of living the right way. Outside these walls of our community, sin has filled the people and damned them for all eternity. I am thankful we were chosen by The Light.”

We chimed in as a unified group. “To the light that Anita left behind.”

Is Anita my mom’s real name? My mom hadn’t said last night as she told me my true name before she died. Kenzie Brooks. The name seemed fitting but foreign at the same time. I am not Sarah. I am Kenzie. I liked the name Kenzie.

The boiled potatoes and stewed beef were barely palatable as I forced myself to eat. The quiet clanking of utensils against the metal plates filled the silence. At least it had quit raining.

As soon as it was acceptable for me to leave, I would head back home and find the letter my mom had told me about last night on her deathbed.

There hadn’t been time last night. During the last hours of a Charge, before they pass, the community gathered at your home to show support. I had only been allowed to be alone with Mom for a few brief minutes. Then she had left me. Forever.

From that point forward, there had been someone with me the entire time, and I hadn’t been able to look for the letter that was supposed to contain a better explanation. Tonight, I would be alone to mourn my mom and would find it then.

The Keeper stood and displayed his palms to everyone. “You are excused to leave as you finish. Please resume your normal duties and focus on your inner light in preparation for one day when you are called home. No one is to disturb Sarah.”

There were nods, but again no one replied. Taking this as my queue to leave, I swallowed the last of the potato and forced it farther down with water. Normally, I would be in the kitchen cleaning but was thankful for being excused from my tasks of the day.

Making my way to the counter, my eyes found Matthew who was still eating. I could tell he wanted to talk to me. Hopefully, we would be able to carve out some time together soon.

Sometimes, when we finished early with our assignments, we would sneak into the woods to be together. Holding hands, we would sit and talk for as long as time would allow. My body loved and craved the small amount of contact.

If anyone, other than my mom, had found out Matthew and I spent time alone together, we would have been punished. As long as holding hands was all we did, mom thought it was good for me to have a friend like Matthew. There were times my lips tingled, wanting to know what it would be like to kiss him, but I always refrained. The only time I’d seen someone kiss was the joining of two persons into one. It was something I wanted to experience.

Mom frequently broke the rules of The Society when it was only her and I, but had warned me of the severe punishments if anyone found out what she and I did when we weren’t being watched. Those infractions mainly consisted of continuing my education past the level of enlightenment. At that point, girls were no longer allowed to attend school. I had never told a soul of my private lessons.

As I approached the counter, I nodded to Greta, a fellow Charge and my mom’s best friend. She cleaned with me on most days. Taking the plate from my hands, Greta gave me a sad look that lasted only long enough for me to see it. Her dark-brown hair was put into a bun that was required for all women to wear. Again, my lips trembled.

With my head down, I passed by everyone that I had known as family for as long as I could remember. The Society totaled one hundred and eight, no one hundred and seven people now.

Keeping my head down, I continued to walk toward the door that would lead to my freedom for the evening. My heart felt as if a weight pressed on it, threatening to collapse at any moment. I needed to get home.

As I walked down the steps, I turned left to head toward our, I mean, my home. It was less than a five-minute walk this way. Before I rounded the building, voices sounded from the side, and I pressed myself against the wall when I heard my name. It was the Keeper and his son, John, who was also a Watcher.

The Keepers raspy voice caused an involuntary shudder. “John, tomorrow evening Sarah will become your wife. You will ensure she continues on the mission of The Light and bear a child with her as soon as possible. She is the only one of age that can be taken as of now. Even though she was brought here at a young age, I do not believe she remembers her past life. We must be sure that she stays on the path and teaches my grandchildren the proper ways of The Society.”

My throat was dry as my reality further altered. Marriage. Child. He expected me to marry John—tomorrow. My skin crawled with the thought of being married to John and having his kid. He was a widower in his forties. His wife, who’d never been able to have children, passed away four months ago to the same mysterious illness Mom had died from. The herbalists were still unable to find any cure to the illness that plagued our people from time to time. The Keeper said it was The Light’s way of bringing people home when it was time.

I wanted to be with Matthew. He would bring me comfort.

“Father, was it in a vision?” John sounded hopeful and my stomach threatened to expel the unwanted lunch I had eaten.

The voice of the Keeper grew impatient as I pressed myself against the building, hoping to remain unseen. “John, I am getting old and I need my son to have a successor. The new Keeper must have offspring. The Light allows me to do what I deem fit in order to keep our way of life regardless if it comes in a vision or not. You know this. Do not question me.” He paused for a second before continuing, his voice more controlled. “I will wed you to Sarah and she will be able to give you children. She is nineteen and is the perfect age for childbearing. Be at the church tomorrow evening at eight. I shall have Greta tell Sarah of this development tomorrow and say it was a vision. Sarah has probably already headed back for her night of grieving. No one is to bother her. Go back into the hall. Tell no one we have spoken.”

Thunder roared through the sky which caused me to nearly yelp in surprise. I turned and ran the opposite way to my house and would loop back around in the woods. My mind raced as everything blurred. I tried to go through everything I had found out.

I was not Sara

h.