Get a bus ticket to Fayetteville, Arkansas where the bank is,Stacy using the money in the backpack. After that, go on an adventure. I have no connections in Arkansas so you should be safe there if you decide to stay.
The choice is yours. Live your life.
Don’t stay out of fear or the need to be near our home. Kenzie, I‘ll be with you wherever you go. The world is a big beautiful place despite what you’ve been taught. Embrace it.
The things I showed you in secret and asked you to never tell anyone—dancing, painting, birthday parties, and stories—are from the outside world. If you decide to leave, you’re going to be frightened, but you’re strong enough, sweetheart.
I know you have more questions than I’ve given you answers to. You may never get all the answers you seek and I’m sorry for that. If I had the time to write everything out, I would have. But, I know you’ll adapt and be fine.
Remember, do what your heart tells you, not your mind.
I hope you know, even though my actions don’t necessarily make sense, that I love you with my entire heart. You and your father were my everything. Live your life Kenzie. Make your choices.
Be Free.
I love you forever and always.
Mom
First National Bank
Box # 158
College Avenue
Fayetteville, Arkansas
As I finished reading, my breaths were coming in and out nearly ragged as I tried to process everything quickly. There wasn’t much time to decide.
The sun was almost gone and the routine of burning the candle at my bedroom window came to the forefront of my mind. We were to light a candle that burned anywhere for two to ten hours every night until the flame died out. It signified that our time here on Earth was limited and to always focus on the flame burning as you never knew when it could vanish. I raced down the ladder, abandoning my letter on the floor. I made it to the drawer and calmly put the candle in the window and lit it solemnly like I did every night. One of the Watchers would walk down the street, making sure everyone had their candles out. I stood there like I always did and watched the flame dance for a couple of minutes, imagining two figures dancing. One evening, as the last of the sun’s rays came through the attic window, mom showed me how to dance in the attic. I treasured those memories.
I took a step back and drew the window sheer down a safe distance from the flame. Turning away, I walked toward my bed. If someone was watching, they’d assume I was exhausted, which I was, and turning in from my day of grieving.
My mom is gone.
Every time I thought about it, my heart shattered a million times more. Now, I had the weight of the truth bearing down on me. I still wasn’t sure if I fully comprehended the consequence of what my decision would entail. The unknown scared me. I was running out of time to decide.
Did I stay or go?
Did I choose to be free or confined?
Did I leave the only place I knew as home?
I SAT ON my bed and stared at the turned over night table. Ironically, at the moment, my life felt turned upside down. Without thinking, I put the nightstand and lamp back in its original place.
Before the sun totally set, there was one thing I wanted to hold as I thought everything through—my mom’s necklace she had hidden underneath the mattress. When we would talk at night, she would let me wear it. It had two hearts intertwined with each other on a silver chain. Something told me it was from my dad and I needed it with me.
The sound of my footsteps were soft as I crept across the house and into my mom’s bedroom. My nostrils immediately could smell her. Silent tears fell down my face as I thought about all our happy memories here. She had given me a life of happiness behind closed doors but I never realized how trapped we had been until the veil had been removed. I knew if I stayed here, I would be suffocated and my flame would go out of me like the candle sitting in my windowsill.
I was leaving.
I was choosing to be free.
I was leaving the only home I had ever known.
Taking a steadying breath of courage, I repeated, “I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.”
The small black jewelry box was where I had expected it to be. My hands clutched it like a lifeline, keeping me breathing. Securing the necklace around my neck, I felt calmer.