“Okay.” The fight had left me. There wasn’t anything but an empty feeling inside me. Standing, we made our way to the car. Before we got in, I stopped and looked at Aiden. “I love you, Aiden. I’m trying to pull myself together.”
Grabbing my shoulders, he bent to bring himself eye level with me. “Kenzie, we’re in this together. I’m here for you.”
The love and support I felt had me sobbing all over again. Matthew deserved to feel this from someone. I’d been the one to leave The Society to begin with.
Kicking at the gravel, I looked down, but Aiden moved into my line of sight. I forced the words I felt out. “It’s hard trying to come to terms with all that I’ve done to cause this. The responsibility I feel is overwhelming . . . like it should have been me . . .”
Aiden’s facial expression became fierce. “This isn’t your fault. This is those assholes who decided they had a right to play with human lives. Don’t say things like that, Kenzie. I need you. I can’t imagine life without you.”
Instantly, I felt wrong for saying the last part. “I didn’t mean it. I honestly don’t know what to think or do. I’m lost.”
He took a moment to calm. “I’m going to keep trying to find a way to expose them.”
“We’ll find a way together.”
CHRISTMAS WAS UPON us.
We were at Aiden’s parent’s house. Three days ago we’d packed up my old apartment with Pamela and Kenneth’s help. Brooklyn and I now lived in a three-bedroom house in a gated community with a security system. It was nice and homey. I still needed to unpack, but I’d get to that when we returned.
Aiden and I had followed Matthew, the Keeper, and Abraham’s death closely. It had been an open and shut case. To no avail, we’d even given the investigators all the info gathered on all the different societies . . . again. The investigators had looked at it and didn’t see anything. Maybe the other societies were truly religious groups and we’d gotten a leader who’d tried to play God.
As a precaution the authorities had gone by the properties Peter Peppington and Luke Masterson had owned. Of course, they’d found nothing, but a peaceful community that knew . . . nothing.
We’d continue to search for evidence . . . but maybe, just maybe, someone within The Society I had grown up in would question things with the police coming out there at least twice in the last couple of months.
It was early in the morning, before four. These days I didn’t sleep much. The nightmares would wake me, having me gasp for breath. The only time I didn’t think about all that had happened was when Aiden made love to me.
Aiden was still asleep in bed. I’d slipped out, to make myself a cup of hot chocolate and sit out in the glass room that was on the back of the house. Pamela had called it a solarium. Green plants filled the room. The stars were still bright in the sky.
Being alone gave me time to keep working through all the pain and grief.
“What are you doing up so early?” The voice was raspy and warm from sleeping.
I sat up from the chaise lounge I’d been laying back on. “You know, same as always. Thinking about everything.”
Aiden perched on the edge in his lounge pants and T-shirt. “The nightmares seem to be lessening.”
“Yeah, they are. But there’s still an emptiness.”
“I know.” The heater hummed to life.
We leaned back in the chaise lounge together and looked back up at the stars. “We’ve never talked about the kiss with Matthew.” Aiden didn’t say anything, so I asked, “Did it upset you?”
Aiden stared at the stars, his vision unfocused, probably going back to that horrid day. I shuddered at the memory as he spoke, “It was hard seeing you look at another man like that, but you loved him.”
A tear escaped as I remembered Matthew’s lips against mine. “I did.” There was a look of pained anguish on Aiden’s face and I hurriedly continued, “Aiden, our love is different. You’re the love of my life.”
Somberly, Aiden looked to me. “It’s because of his sacrifice that I have you. I can’t fault that love. He has your past and I have your future.”
My lips trembled. This was hard talking about a subject we’d obviously avoided. “Do you feel like I cheated on you?”
With Aiden being cheated on before, I was worried I’d broken a level of trust between us. But, I couldn’t bring myself to regret what I’d done either. If I’d denied Matthew, it would have forever haunted me.
It was a simple kiss, but it was still a kiss.
Running his hand along his whiskers, he thought for a moment before looking back at me. “No.” I breathed a sigh of relief and nuzzled into Aiden’s chest. He moved his hand up and down my back. “I know you love me, Kenzie. I hate seeing you in pain, but I’m thankful I’m the one who gets to hold you. I feel like a bastard for saying that, but it’s the truth.”
Matthew’s death was a burden we would carry for different reasons.