I stare at Kate...marveling over her maturity and insight. Is that because of her tough upbringing? The fact she's a survivor all on her own? And her honesty...it's frightening and refreshing all at once. I truly believe her...if she has a problem with how things are going, she'll let me know. I expect she'd be very mature about the whole thing too.
"Okay, then," I say before bending down to kiss her. "Let's give it a go."
I feel comforted by Kate's words...by her acceptance of my limits. And yet deep down inside, I know it's never going to be as easy as it sounds.
Chapter 16
Kate
"Ben," I call up the stairs. "Grab your tennis shoes and get down here. Bus is leaving soon."
I hear stomping above me as I imagine him running from his playroom to his bedroom to grab his shoes. He's such a great kid.
Don't get me wrong, he has his moments. In fact, his newest "moment" is what I call the "drop-and-kick tantrum."
If he doesn't get something he wants, he's learned to dramatically throw himself onto the floor, where he pounds his fists into the carpet...or hardwood floor. Depending on where the tantrum occurs.
He does this for a few seconds and then stops...surreptitiously turns his head to look at me to see if I'm acknowledging the "moment," and then waits to see how I react.
The first time he did this, it threw me off my game and I immediately tried to console him. He wouldn't stop crying until I gave in to him.
Score: Ben 1, Kate 0.
The second time it happened, I ignored him. When he saw that I wasn't reacting, he just screamed louder and beat at the floor, big fat tears leaking from his eyes. I held strong, though, and eventually he tired and fell asleep right there. Of course, I was worn out with frayed nerves and wanted a glass of wine to make everything better.
I called that one a tie.
Score: Ben 0, Kate 0.
When it happened again yesterday after Zack left for the airport, I tried something different. I lay down on the floor next to him and threw my own tantrum. I cried--fake tears, of course--and pounded my fists on the floor. Immediately, Ben stopped his own tantrum and looked at me curiously.
I used that brief pause to redirect, immediately flipping over and pouncing on him. My fingers went to his ribs and I tickled him mercilessly until he was breathless from laughter. We both enjoyed a Fudgsicle after that because I considered it a victory for me and worth celebrating.
Score: Ben 0, Kate 1.
The overall score is now tied, and what happens with the next tantrum remains to be seen. Zack called home that night after he landed in California, just in time to talk to Ben before he went to bed. They're out for an extended road trip. He'll be gone until Wednesday, when he flies back home, but then he's flying back out again on Friday for two days in New York.
After Zack talked to Ben for a little bit, I got on the phone and told him all about the most recent tantrum. Zack laughed but called me brilliant. His voice was carefree and genuine. There was no tightness to his tone, no awkwardness in the conversation. Granted, we talked about Ben and only Ben, but still, it was nice to know that we could have glorious, pulse-pounding sex that has surely ruined me for any other, and that we could still go on in our regular routines without it feeling weird. Now, whether we can keep this up is beyond me, but I told Zack the truth...I'd give it a try, and if I couldn't handle it I'd let him know.
And God, I hope I can handle it because I'm not lying...Zack has ruined me when it comes to sex. I have never felt anything like that in my life. I've never had an orgasm that shredded me so deliciously. I've never before in my life come just from having a man inside me. Normally I'd need some extra stimulation on the money spot, but not the other night with Zack. Just the feel of him moving inside me and the knowledge that I was the one who was making this man feel again set off a firestorm within me.
I want to keep feeling it, and I'll try my damnedest to keep my heart safe and secure. As a woman...as a romantic...I know the odds of success at this are not good, but I can't quit yet. I have to try.
And who knows...maybe Zack will develop feelings. Maybe this will turn into something more, and there's only one way to find out.
Ben's feet come pounding down the stairs and he skids into the kitchen in his socks. "Put my shoes on me, Kate."
"And I'm going to decline because...?" I prompt him.
"Please," he adds quickly, because we've been working on manners.
Pointing into the living room, I say, "Okay. Up on the couch and we'll get them on."
Ben runs into the living room just as someone starts pounding on the front door. I'm expecting the carpet installers, who are going to be ripping out the carpet upstairs and replacing it. Zack wasn't fooling around. He wants to get the house on the market as soon as possible, so he had arranged for the carpet to be done this week. They're going to do Ben's room and mine first so we can sleep in them tonight, then the rest of the upstairs tomorrow, and the basement the day after that. The entire first floor is all hardwood, so nothing needed there.
"Hold on, buddy," I tell him as I move past the couch and toward the door. "Let me let these guys in first."
Someone pounds on the door again, and I think, That's just not cool. First ring the damned doorbell, and if that doesn't work, try a nice polite knock.
I unlock and then swing the door open, intent on giving the workers a piece of my mind, but instead I'm confronted by Michelle in a glorious rage. She pushes right past me into the house, actually bumping her shoulder against me, and it's then that I see Beau trotting along behind her. I give him a smile as he runs into the living room when he sees Ben.
"It's about damned time you opened the door," she snaps at me, hoisting her purse over her shoulder. "I need my key back."
"Excuse me?"
"The key," she says impatiently. "The house key I gave you week before last."
Well, shit, she wants free rein of Zack's home again.
"Um...I didn't get another one made," I tell her. "I forgot."
Michelle rolls her eyes at me. "Of course you forgot. Well, just give it to me and I'll get one made for you today when I'm out running errands."
My mind whirs, trying to quickly think what Zack would want me to do in this situation. I know, more than anything, he does not want her to have a key to the house. I also know that he would love to avoid confrontation if possible. Michelle was Gina's friend. Despite the fact she's annoying and intrusive, I know Zack doesn't want to hurt her feelings out of respect for Gina.
Doesn't mean that I can't hurt them, though.
"I'm sorry, Michelle," I tell her. "I can't do that. I'm getting ready to head out soon with Ben and I need the key."
"Then stop and get a key made for me today," she says very slowly, as if she's talking to a five-year-old.
"Yeah," I say thoughtfully, scratching my head. Crossing my arms over my chest, I tell her firmly, "I can't do that either."
"Excuse me?" she says in disbelief.
"Can't do that," I affirm.
"Can't or won't," she says with her eyes narrowed on me. She's starting to catch on.
"Won't," I clarify as I drop my arms and take a step toward the door. "Now, if you'll excuse us...I have to finish getting Ben ready, and then I'm expecting some workers here at any moment who I need to get set up."
"Workers for what?" she demands.
"The carpet upstairs is getting replaced today," I tell her, but offer no other details.
"Why is Zack doing that?" she asks, her eyes darting up the stairs.
"No clue," I say with a shrug. "You should ask him."
Sorry, Zack, I think to myself. You're going to have to handle that one, buddy.
It's not my place to tell Michelle that Zack is listing the house for sale. I'd gladly break the news to this woman if I knew Zack would approve, but again, since she was Gina's friend, and that's a touchy situation, I'm going to let Zack handle it.
"Zack is not going to be happy you'r
e refusing to make a key for me," she says, almost in a whining voice, but I can hear exactly what she doesn't want me to hear. There is doubt in her voice and it tells me that even she has some inkling that she's overstepped her bounds.