I grab my purse off a chair where I had left it and turn to Mely, who gives me a smile. But whatever she sees on my face causes it to slide right back off again.
"I have to go," I mumble to her, then blurt out the first lie I can think of. "Family emergency. Make sure Zack sees to Ben."
Spinning away, I sling my purse over my shoulder and make my way around the side of the house, not daring to walk back through it and potentially run into Zack. Mely calls after me, but I ignore her.
I pick up the pace, breaking into a bit of a run as I clear the front corner of the house. I cut across the front yard diagonally, heading in the direction I know will lead me out of this subdivision.
The front door opens and I glance over, seeing Sutton tearing down the steps toward me. My step falters, but then I surge forward.
It does no good...Sutton is freakin' fast, and she catches me before I can clear the yard. Grabbing my elbow, she says, "What's wrong? Where are you going?"
I turn to face her and she actually leans back away from me, I think stunned by the misery on my face. "I can't do this."
"Do what?" she asks me with worry.
"Be a part of all this." I say the first thing that comes to my mind, and then pull away from her.
She grabs me again. "Where are you going? Are you just going to walk out of here?"
"I'm going back to Zack's house," I tell her, and another stab of pain hits me as I realize that it's not my house. It's been only a temporary shelter for me. "I'll catch the bus."
"Like hell you will," she says as she starts dragging me in the opposite direction down the street. "I'll take you there."
"You don't have to," I blurt out.
"Shut up," she says affectionately as she steers me over to a dark gray BMW. "Get in."
I do as she says, because it will get me to my destination a lot faster than the bus. When we are both buckled up, she starts the car and pulls slowly away.
"Don't you have to let Alex know where you're going?" I ask.
"When I saw you running away from Mely, I knew something was wrong. I told him I was going to talk to you and it could be awhile. I'll call him after I drop you off," she says, and then doesn't even hesitate when she prods, "Are you going to tell me what's going on?"
"No," I say quietly as I look down at my hands clasped in my lap.
"Did Zack break your heart?" she asks me softly, and the first tear rolls down my cheek.
I sniff hard, blink my eyes, and look out the window, holding my chin up. "Yes," I tell her honestly. "I knew it was coming, so I should have been ready for it."
"You're never ready for heartbreak," she says sympathetically, and reaches over to grab one of my hands for a squeeze. "If you want to tell me about it, I'll listen. I'll commiserate. I might even help you eat his balls for breakfast."
I can't help it. In the midst of my misery, Sutton makes me laugh. "That would be tasty." I contemplate, but then I sigh deeply. "It's not his fault, though."
"How can it not be his fault? He broke your heart," she growls, completely ready to take my side without knowing the story.
I give an ironic laugh.
"Because he told me he was going to do it," I tell her bitterly. "He even apologized in advance. I had the opportunity to turn away, but I went into it knowing this would happen."
"Oh," Sutton says quietly, and then adds on, "I bet it still hurts like a bitch, doesn't it?"
"You have no idea," I tell her.
--
I hear the front door fly open and slam into the wall with a crash, then the heavy pounding of footsteps on the stairs. I brace myself, but I don't pause what I'm doing. Zack got here a lot faster than I thought he would, and I'm guessing once Sutton dropped me off and called Alex, he in turn went and told Zack what was going on.
I can hear Zack enter my room...I can feel his presence, but I don't turn around. Instead I ask, "Where's Ben?"
"Alex and Sutton are taking him for the night," he responds, and some of the tension eases out of me. I didn't want this going down with Ben here.
I reach into my drawer and pull out another stack of clothes, turning to put them in my suitcase.
"What are you doing?" Zack asks quietly.
"Packing," I tell him, using every bit of strength and pride to keep my voice strong. "I'm going back home. My daddy's going to be here around ten tomorrow morning to pick me up."
I'm met with dead silence and then I'm being spun around by the elbow. He towers over me, his face thunderous. "You're just quitting...just like that? No notice?"
"You don't need me," I say calmly as I pull my arm out of his grasp, turning back toward the dresser. "You're in the off-season. You can watch Ben fine on your own."
"You're going to break his heart if you leave," Zack says, and for the first time my resolve weakens. Tears spring to my eyes and start leaking quickly.
I reach an arm up and wipe them on the sleeve of my shirt. "He'll get past it," I say with a quaking voice. "He'll hurt and won't understand at first, but he'll soon forget me. Kids are resilient that way."
I will never, ever forget him, though.
"Why are you doing this?" Zack asks in exasperation. "Why did you leave the party without even telling me?"
I take a deep breath and turn to face him. "I heard you and Ryker talking."
His face pales even as his jaw locks down hard and his eyes flash in anger. "Eavesdropping, Kate? Naughty girl."
He's baiting me. I know it. He wants to duke this out and make me feel bad about something. He's trying to deflect to alleviate his guilt.
Not going to happen, though.
I turn away and start pulling more clothes from the dresser. I don't even bother to respond to his taunt.
Finally, he walks up to me, takes me by the shoulders, and turns me to face him. His eyes are now apologetic. "I didn't mean that. I just said it to get him to back off of me because I didn't want to talk to him about it."
"I understand that," I say quietly, and pull away from him. "It makes sense to me."
"Then why the fuck are you packing your clothes? Why are you leaving?" he explodes in frustration.
I place the clothes in the suitcase, pat them down, and pull the top closed. I take a moment to zip it up before turning to face him. "We made an agreement, Zack. Early on. You remember that? I told you that if there ever came a time that I couldn't handle this, I'd let you know. That's what I'm doing. I can't handle this. I want more and you can't give it, so I'm going to have to gracefully bow out of this."
Zack turns away from me, paces a few feet while rubbing his hand through his hair in frustration. He spins back on me and says, "You're expecting too much of me too fast."
Suddenly, my own frustrations bubble up, fester, then break free. "Well, what did you think was going to happen, Zack? Sure, you set some pretty clear boundaries in place, but you're the one who broke them."
He jerks and immediately I see denial in his eyes.
I press forward, walking up to him and giving him a poke in his chest. "What did you think I was going to do, Zack, when you constantly stepped past the very boundaries you created? You said it was sex only, but then you turned around, held your hand out to me, and beckoned to me to step outside of those lines with you. You're the one who took me out to a romantic dinner. You're the one who cuddled me on the couch. You're the one who shared your pain and secrets with me when you couldn't share them with anyone else. You're the one who made this about more than just sex. So really, Zack...what the hell did you think was going to happen?"
His lips part, but he just stares at me in confusion.
But I've got more to say. "I'll tell you what happened, Zack. My expectations did grow. With every touch you gave me, every time you invited me into your bed, with every time you shared your guilt with me and depended on me to ease it, hope fucking bloomed and my expectations grew. I can't help it. Human nature and all that. So go ahead and lay this on my doorstep if you want. I'll gladly take the blame. In fact, I insist on it. I'm sure it will help ease you past any guilt that may arise from this. God knows you've had enough in your life."
Spinning away, I stalk into the bathroom and start pulling my toiletries out of the shower. When I walk back into the bedroom, Zack is standing in the same place, his gaze on the carpet, his shoulders hunched forward.
"I really tried," he says in defeat.
Suddenly, the anger within me melts away and I'm left with overwhelming sadness. So damn sad because I hear the remorse in his voice. So damn sad because the one person I want above all else has just thrown in the proverbial towel. Any hope that I may have had that my leaving would cause him to want to fight for me turns to ash right then and there.
"I know you did," I tell him as I drop the toiletries on my bed.
He raises his soulful gaze to me and his pain is almost palpable. "I'm so sorry, Kate, for hurting you."