"I know," I say as I close my eyes briefly to relish her touch. When I open them back up, her gaze makes me feel safe and secure. "Do you know why Gina and I never married?"
She shakes her head in the negative.
"Because I didn't want to. She did, but I didn't."
I wait a moment for that to sink in...maybe for some sort of chastisement to reflect back at me, but Kate just merely tilts her head to the side in curiosity, waiting for me to continue.
Taking a deep breath, I say, "All those years...I never asked Gina to marry me because there was something missing. I don't think she thought anything was missing, but I did. I couldn't name it. Couldn't point it out. Couldn't articulate it. It was just something in my gut that told me that I wasn't supposed to marry her. That she wasn't the one."
I halt...take another deep breath, because, fuck, that hurt to say it.
I'm so sorry, Gina.
Kate's other hand comes up to lace her fingers behind my neck and she steps in a little closer to me. It's her way of telling me that she's listening and I should continue with confidence and security.
"Something was missing and I had no clue what it was. I thought about it so much after Gina died. I thought now that she was gone, maybe it would become apparent what it was. But I got nothing. I obsessed about it. I felt so damned guilty and stupid that I didn't even know what it was. And then I felt even more guilty, after she died, that I couldn't give her something that would have made her happy. I mean, Kate...I loved Gina. Really loved her, but not enough to marry her."
Kate lets out a faltering breath as she processes what I'm saying. "You can't feel guilty about following your own gut, Zack. You had to do what was right for you."
I give her a small smile. "I know. I'm coming to grips with that and I'm starting to let that go."
"That's good," she praises me.
"But I figured it out," I tell her softly as I realize that the last few notes of the song are coming to an end. The band immediately breaks into a rousing Green Day song, and thankfully we're far enough away from the speakers that my voice isn't drowned out. Our bodies stay locked together, but we no longer sway to the music. "I finally figured out what was missing."
"You did?" she asks with surprise.
I nod at her, my eyes roaming over her face briefly before I release my hold on her waist and bring my own hands up to grasp on to the sides of her head. I don't want her for a moment to look away from me.
"I figured out what was missing...was you."
Kate blinks several times, her eyes confused and uncertain at first. But then I see the moment when she truly understands what I've said, because a thin sheen of tears starts to sparkle and she whispers, "Oh."
"You were what was missing from my life, and I didn't even recognize it when I had it right in front of me. I started to figure it out after you left, but then it really became clear when I saw you the other night at Ryker's...with Ben. It was then that I knew. You were what has been missing all my life."
The first tear slides out of her eyes, so I drag a thumb over her cheek to catch it. If she's going to cry, I need to hurry up and get it all out.
"Kate...you touch me in a way that no other human being ever has. I'm not sure if it's your spirit and determination or your kindness. The way you care for Ben. Hell, maybe it's your dorky ways, because all I know is that you make me laugh. You make my world bright again. You make it brighter than it ever has been before. You were what was missing from my life and I'm not going to let that get away."
Kate stares at me for a moment, considering my words. I sort of expected her to maybe fall into me with an equal declaration or something, but instead her eyes sweep out over the backyard. She looks around, her lower lip pulled between her teeth telling me she's deep in thought. I hold my breath waiting to see what she'll do.
Finally, those baby blues come back my way and her lower lip pops free. Her lips curve into a smile and finally she says, "So...right now might be a good time to kiss me."
My lips tip up and I snake one hand behind her head to hold her tight. "Oh, yeah? In front of all these people?"
"It would probably cause a scandal," she quips with a cheeky grin.
"Then I say let's shock the shit out of them," I tell her, just before bringing my mouth to hers.
I do nothing but first just touch our lips together, softly and hesitantly, wanting to memorize everything about the moment. Then Kate's mouth opens, inviting me back in...all the way in.
I seize and conquer, wrapping both arms around her again and pulling her flush in to my body. I slowly roll my tongue against hers and I bend her backward in an attempt to sink deeper into her.
We kiss, and kiss, and then kiss some more. Oblivious to the music, not caring about the people who are watching us right now. Even when someone whistles and yells, "Get a room," we ignore it and then kiss some more.
It's not until I feel a tugging on my pants leg that I finally pull away from Kate and look down. Ben is standing there, looking up at both of us with wide eyes.
"Hey, buddy," I say nonchalantly, trying to convey to him that this wasn't a big deal. But fuck...it's a big deal. I have Kate. She's mine.
Kate squats and comes down eye level to Ben. "Hey, Squeaky-Clean Jelly Bean...can I tell you a secret?"
Ben puts his little hands on Kate's shoulders and nods at her, his eyes glowing with excitement.
"Okay," she says as she reaches up a hand to me. I take hers and she tugs me down until I'm squatting next to her. "So...I kind of really like your daddy. I mean really like him. And he likes me as well."
"Is that why you were kissing?" Ben asks solemnly.
"Yeah," Kate says. "Is that okay with you?"
Ben's eyes cut to mine for reassurance. "Are you cool with me liking Kate?"
Damn, it feels weird to talk to an almost-four-year-old like this. I mean...how do you explain a kiss like that?
Choosing not to answer my question, Ben instead asks, "Can Kate come back and live with us?"
I look over at Kate and she looks at me blankly, shrugging. I turn back to Ben and pull him into my arms, then stand up from my squat. Kate follows. "She's living with Ryker now and watching Violet and Ruby, but I promise you...she is going to be around a lot. Okay?"
"Okay," Ben says with a smile, and then we are forgotten. "Can I go play with Violet and Ruby again?"
"Sure thing," I tell him, after giving him a kiss on the head. I lower him to the ground and he scampers off.
As Kate and I watch him, I slide my arm around her waist to pull her in to me. "That was a weird conversation."
"I thought it went quite well," she says with a laugh before turning into my arms and pressing in to hug me.
I hold on to her tight, laying my cheek to the top of her head, and finally...finally I feel complete. There isn't one thing missing in my life.
Epilogue
Zack
TWO MONTHS LATER...
I reach across the center console and take Kate's hand in mine. I give it a short squeeze and tell her, "You look really hot in that dress."
She snorts at me but squeezes my hand back. "You're cute when you flatter me."
"It's the truth, baby."
We're heading to Alex and Sutton's wedding. It's going to be outdoors and it's the middle of July, so while I have to swelter in a suit, Kate not only gets to look hot in that yellow sundress that hits just above her knee and is providing miles of creamy skin to look at, but she gets to stay cool too.
"We need to have a serious discussion," I tell her as we drive along. Ben is staying over at Michelle's, who also kindly agreed to watch Violet and Ruby. Michelle is still a pain in the ass sometimes, but at least she's stopped flirting with me. I think it may be because Kate threatened to throw her out of the house that one time.
"Serious discussion, huh?" she asks with a hint of skepticism in her voice.
"Yup."
"I'm always serious," she says in a dramatically serious voice, which makes me roll my eyes.
"You're never serious."
"I'm serious about you," she says sweetly, and fuck, yeah...shit like that she does still causes my heart to trip end over end.
"You know I love you, right?" I ask her, changing subjects slightly.
"Right."
"And you love me, right?"
"Right," she says, and then adds, "Lots and lots."
"And you love Ben?" I push right along.
"Right," she says emphatically.
Yes, I love Kate and Kate loves me. We both love Ben to distraction.
The I-Love-Yous were exchanged between me and Kate on the evening of Sutton and Alex's party. After seven months of having my head in my ass following the accident, three of which I was oblivious to the way Kate was lighting up my life, and after coming to the stunning conclusion that it was Kate that was what was missing from my total and complete happiness, there couldn't have been anything else I would tell her other than "I love you."
Of course, I told her that after I had just come supremely hard while lodged deep inside of her, my body still shuddering over what that woman did to me. Even though she should have been flush and sedate after two orgasms, she started crying--again--but was able to choke out an "I love you" back to me.
She was fucking adorable and my heart never had felt fuller.
Things have moved quickly the last two months between us. The first order of business was to get her ass moved back into my house so we could make it "our" house.
There was a little stumbling block to making that happen, though, and that came in the form of a six-foot-six-inch goalie by the name of Ryker Evans. We had quite an argument over Kate and her living arrangements one night over pizza and beers.