"Yes, silly," I say with a crooked grin, and I use her discombobulation to push my way past her into the house. I wave Xander in behind me. Taking Simone by the shoulder, I spin her around toward what I see is the living room and I walk her in there. "There is no story just about me. It's about us. About how you bullied your way into my life, and found out my secret, and then how we romantically fell for each other--"
"You kicked me out of your life," she snaps at me, and then looks to Xander. "You can print that part. Van was a complete dick to me."
"Simone completely seduced me," I tell Xander, just like a kid trying to get one up on her. Xander is loving this and he's got out a pad of paper, scribbling notes furiously.
"Van leaves his dirty underwear on the floor and it's fucking gross," she snaps with a raised finger pointed at me.
Xander snickers.
"Seriously?" I turn to Simone to ask her dryly. "You're boiling our relationship down to dirty underwear?"
Simone makes a slight screeching noise in frustration and her eyes are flashing with anger. "We don't have a relationship. You made that clear last week."
"Well, we could have one if you'd get over your snit for two seconds so we can sit down and talk about this," I point out calmly.
She gnashes her teeth at me and points to Xander. "Sit down with a reporter. A stranger. And hash this out between us?"
"Yup," I say, but I'm seriously wondering how stupid this idea actually was now that I'm seeing her reaction. I thought she'd be charmed. I also thought she'd be proud of me for opening up so thoroughly.
"Simone," Xander says as he holds his pen over his notebook. "Without thinking about it, when did you realize you were falling for Van?"
My head twists fast to catch Simone's answer. I know I told Xander I'd prefer he not ask her direct questions, but I'm apparently failing and need the help. She blinks once but says, "When he pulled me out of a strip club I was dancing at. Wait...you can't print that. My parents will die."
"What about that made you fall for him?" Xander presses.
Simone grimaces and places her fingertips on her temples, where she rubs what I'm thinking is a pretty big headache by the look on her face. When her hand drops, she shrugs. "Um...I don't know. I guess because he was jealous and I realized it was more than sex between us. Shit...no, wait...you can't say that either."
Before Xander can ask another question, Simone turns to me and I wince from the censure in her voice. "This may have been the dumbest idea you ever had."
My heart flops over at the frustration in her voice. She sounds perilously close to tears, and I don't want her crying over me ever again.
So I step into her, palms to her cheeks, and I bend so my nose is almost touching hers. "Fine. But will you please sit by my side while I let Xander interview me then? I want to tell my story, and I'd really love it with you sitting by my side."
For a moment, Simone just stares at me with veiled eyes. I can't read a damn thing. But to my immense relief, she finally nods and leads us over to the chairs. I sit down on the couch and pull her down right beside me. I resist the urge to wrap my arm around her.
Xander takes a chair adjacent to us and pulls out a recorder. "Do you mind if I record our conversation?"
I shake my head and Simone remains silent. He turns it on anyway, and then sits back in the chair, crossing one leg over the other.
"Where should we start?" Xander asks me.
I look back to him without an ounce of fear, shame, embarrassment, or hesitation. "Start at the most important part. Ask me when I fell in love with Simone."
Chapter 28
Simone
I jerk sideways and my eyes fly from Van to Xander.
Xander is chuckling. "Okay, Van...when did you fall in love with Simone?"
My jaw drops as I turn to look back at Van. He settles into the cushion, crosses one leg casually over the other, and flips his arm across the back of the couch behind me.
"There were feelings always there," Van says, and my jaw drops further. I feel like I'm dreaming, or maybe I'm in some even weirder version of The Twilight Zone. I'm listening to Van bare his soul about me to another man.
A reporter.
For a magazine.
And I'm hearing it for the first time as he tells this reporter.
I shake my head, hard enough I hope to perhaps jar things back into perspective.
"Take for example when Simone nearly got crushed under our kitchen refrigerator. I'm not sure I've ever been more scared in my life, and well...you know a lot about my life. There was a lot of scary shit in it."
I let out a quavering breath, realizing that Van is actually talking about how his feelings developed for me. And while he's answering another person's question, I also get he's telling me this as well.
"Or maybe I started to fall for her when she kissed me in a dive bar to shake her brother up, to prevent him from making a mistake. I was pissed she did it, and I never told her this, but I also admired the hell out of her for doing it. For doing something out of love for her brother."
"What was her brother going to do?" Xander asked, poised to get some juicy stuff on Lucas.
"None of your fucking business," Van says casually, but clearly that subject is off-limits. Then he continues as if that question had never been asked. "Maybe it was in the moments after Simone found out the truth about my father, and rather than running, she curled up in my lap and told me she had my back."
Van's voice softens as his gaze drops to his lap. "Yeah...something happened that night that changed things."
When he looks back up to Xander, he shrugs. "I don't know. Every fucking day I fell a little more, even as I was fighting it. But there was one absolute clear moment when I know...I knew I was already there."
"And when was that?" Xander prods. I seem to have been struck dumb, as I can't even think of a thing to add to this conversation that's about me, yet is not including me.
"I pushed her away," Van says quietly as he turns to look at me. He picks up one of my hands, brings it to his mouth, and kisses it. When he lays it back down on his thigh, keeping his fingers wrapped around mine, he turns back to Xander. "I walked back into our hotel room later that day and she was gone. And I knew right then, without a doubt, I'd already fallen in love with her. Maybe it was when I thought she'd been crushed by the fridge, or when she earned her brother's ire by kissing me. I don't know and it doesn't matter when. I just know that I realized it for sure in that hotel room, with brutal clarity and a whole lot of fucking pain because I'd pushed her away."
I can't help the small gust of air that slips past my lips over the shock from what he's saying.
Then Xander is forgotten and Van turns on the couch to face me. Still holding one hand, he brings the other to my cheek. "Simone...I didn't know what I'd lost until I lost it. I didn't even fucking know it was love until it was gone. But I know now. I know that you are it for me. I will never love another soul the way I love yours."
Everything I ever wanted to hear from Van has just been laid out before me--albeit in a slightly different way than I had imagined a romantic makeup scene would unfold. But I'm cautious. I have to be to make sure he really is ready for everything I am.
"You run when you get scared, Van," I point out to him. "You close yourself off. Your pushing me away was the most hurtful thing that has ever happened to me in my life and I'm not able to handle that. Right now...I look at you, and what I know for sure is that you were my first heartbreak."
This doesn't offend Van. He tilts his head and gives me an understanding smile. "Yeah? Well, you were my first everything, Simone. My first love. First devotion. My first heartbreak. My one and only relationship with a woman. You were my first confidant and companion. Simone...you were my first friend ever. My first...everything."
And the tears come. Big, fat drops that don't sneak up on me but fill my eyes quickly and spill over the edges.
"Oh, baby," Van says softly as he brings his other hand to my face and wipes my tears away as they fall.
A sob pops out over the sweet sympathy and regret in his voice. He pulls me into him, pressing my face into his neck so his hand can stroke my back.
"I'm sorry, Simone," Van murmurs as I cry against him. "Please forgive a stupid, foolish, and scared man for reacting very badly to a stressful situation. You don't know how bad I feel about not only hurting you, but causing you to run to Quebec. I know you fucking stayed away from the rest of the games because of me, and that kept you from being with your family. I ruined that for you, and I'll kick myself in the ass over and over again for that."
I shake my head vigorously and pull back to look at him. "That was my choice."
"But the option was there because of me and my douchebag ways," he argues.
At this I snort with laughter, because this has gotten a little ridiculous, and we are still letting this all play out in front of a reporter.
"Can I kiss you?" Van asks me.
"Is that really the most important question?" I reply.
He doesn't need to think long. With a sheepish grin, he asks, "Am I forgiven?"
"Do you really love me?" I ask him with a slightly skeptical arch to my eyebrow.
"After exposing my feelings to a reporter who will share this with the world, you still doubt me?"
I study him for a moment. His beautiful face and earnest expression. The light within his eyes promising me a lot of great tomorrows. This whole setup, unnecessarily bringing a reporter with him to apologize and profess his love for me.
It's so much more than that.
It's his way of telling me that he truly is past all of his old insecurities and fears, and he is ready to start a new chapter of his life with me in it.
"Okay...you can kiss me," I whisper.