"I have no idea." My voice is heavy and defeated, matching exactly how I always felt when trying to pull away from Owen's pressures. "Our relationship was lukewarm at best. We didn't...um...take things all the way. I wouldn't. Pretended to hold out for marriage because I just wasn't attracted to him in that way. How fucked up is that?"
"Sounds almost obsessive to me," Josie says thoughtfully.
"I just don't know. Stepping away from him--having distance between us--I look back on it and it just seems surreal. Like that really couldn't have been me, on the verge of walking down the aisle with someone I didn't really love."
"You were doing it to protect your parents," Josie reminds me gently.
"They would be so disappointed in me if they knew that's why I was doing it." They never had a clue.
Josie reaches out and takes my hand, giving it a quick squeeze of affirmation. "Where do things stand now with them?"
"Owen gave me two weeks to come back. Wants to get the wedding done, and he's accelerated my parents' note again."
"Marek would--"
"No," I say with a hard shake of my head. "He doesn't know and I don't want him to know. I was so stupid to get into that mess, and he already thinks I'm a nut job for keeping Lilly from him. I just can't take any more of his condescension right now."
I can tell by the look in her eyes she wants to argue with me. That she wants to advocate for Marek, believing in the goodness of his heart. And maybe he would offer to help me out, but I can't ask him. I have no right to expect anything of him other than being a good dad to our daughter.
"How much is owed on the note?" Josie asks, seeming to accept my rebuff of Marek.
"Just a little under fifty thousand," I tell her, then take in a deep breath. "So back to your original question about the job...yes, I'm interested. With a salary, perhaps I could work out some type of payments with the bank on their behalf. It wouldn't be much, because I'd have living expenses--rent and such here--but maybe that could forestall the note going into default."
"That's definitely a good thought," Josie says, but I can tell by the tone of her voice she has a better idea. "Or, you could just stay here at Marek's rent free and let him continue to pay expenses. Then you'd have more money to offer the bank."
"I don't know if that's a good idea," I murmur, moving my gaze to my wineglass.
"Why not?" Josie asks with dogged determination. "As long as he's not being abusive to you, this is a good environment for both you and Lilly. Nice house, security, and it gives Marek more quality time with his daughter. It would then give you the opportunity to help pull your parents out of trouble without having to sacrifice yourself to that jackass you were going to marry or involve Marek any further."
She has a damn good point. For the first time since I came to North Carolina, I feel a slight loosening of the ever-present tightness that's been in my chest. Maybe I can get out from under Owen without my parents getting hurt at all.
I look to Josie with a smile taking form on my face. "Well, then, yes. I'm very interested in the job."
"Perfect," Josie says, and picks up her wineglass. She holds it out to me and I tap mine against it.
I take a small sip of my wine, and after I swallow, give a nervous laugh. "I can't believe how much lighter my shoulders feel right now. I mean, I know I don't have the job, but I do have a plan at least."
"That's the spirit," Josie says with a chuckle. "But I'll put in a very good word for you."
Setting my wineglass down, I turn more fully to face Josie. The somberness in my voice reflects just how serious I am when I tell her, "Thank you. For letting me vent and helping me with a job. It's more than I could have ever expected from such a new friend."
Josie's eyes twinkle with fondness. "You and I have a lot in common. I know what it's like to have your heart broken by a man who leaves you. I know what it's like to carry that around."
"What makes you think my heart has been broken?" I ask her curiously. I haven't told her any of my history with Marek.
"I recognize it," Josie murmurs. "Am I wrong?"
I shake my head with a sad smile.
"Well, I also know that the pain can be overcome with the right type of man."
"Reed?" I take a very good guess.
"Yes," she says with a nod. "Now that's an interesting story, which I'll proceed to tell you over chocolate."
I laugh and turn back to my quiche, feeling much better about my situation than I have in a long time. "Deal."
Chapter 9
Marek
It's been a day and a half since I've stepped foot in my house. I never made it back there after Reed and I helped Holt demolish his kitchen.
I couldn't go back there because I was afraid of what I might do to Gracen. My hands shake as they sit atop my steering wheel while I stare blankly at the garage wall.
When I had walked out of Holt's house, I had resolved to be nicer to Gracen. To let my anger go and concentrate on building something with Lilly.
That resolve was quickly obliterated after I talked to my parents and told them about Lilly. It was a conversation that left me shredded and with a whole new level of fury at Gracen, because now she's managed to hurt my parents.
I couldn't go home. There was no way. When I realized I'd do something irreparable to Gracen, the part of me that still held some measure of sanity told me to leave. So I drove east on I-40, right to the ocean. Got a hotel room in Wrightsville Beach and brooded overnight. The next day, I sat out on the beach and brooded some more before I felt a little bit more in control. I drove back with determination, and now I've been sitting in my garage for almost an hour.
Sucking in a deep breath, I grasp the steering wheel hard for a moment. Something ugly is bottled inside of me and I have to let it out. The pressure is immense and the need for its release almost unbearable.
I let out my breath without an ounce of tension easing up on me and make my way into my house.
The kitchen lights are on and the aroma of what smells like pot roast lingers in the air. I tell myself to take some more time away from Gracen.
Head to your room, Marek. Let it go for tonight.
Instead, my feet carry me up the staircase.
To Gracen.
The woman who has now managed to cause excruciating pain to three people by keeping her secrets.
As soon as I reach the top landing, I note the warm glow of light spilling across the hardwood floor from Lilly's open bedroom door. I can't see either of them, but I hear Gracen's voice as she reads The Three Little Pigs.
I'm neither warmed nor amused when Gracen's voice pitches high. "Not by the hair on my chinny, chin, chin."
Lilly is, though. She giggles uncontrollably, and that sweet sound causes my anger to go from a hard boil to a low simmer.
I step into Lilly's room. Gracen's sitting with her back against the headboard, legs stretched out and crossed at the ankle. Lilly's curled into her mother's side so she can see the book that Gracen's reading from.
They both look up at me, Gracen's mouth pinched tight. I know she's pissed I've been gone because she's texted me a few times. So fucking what.
Lilly, though...her eyes light up in happiness to see me.
Me.
It's the first time that's happened, and my rage cools instantly.
"Look, Daddy," she says in that sweet voice of an angel. "Mommy's reading to me."
My heart swells with something I'd describe as close to pure euphoria. I've felt it before but in different degrees. Felt it just last year when we won the Stanley Cup.
Felt it when I got drafted into the NHL.
Felt it when Gracen told me she loved me for the first time when we were making out on the front porch of her parents' home after a date.
Sure as fuck felt it to my toes the first time we'd made love.
My eyes focus on Lilly, and I know my smile is genuine, because it's all for her, and she deserves it. "Looks like you're almost read
y to go to sleep, huh?"
I get a cute, shy nod from her. "Want to read me a book?"
And just like that, my rage returns.
It feels like hot embers burning in my chest, because while I want nothing more than to read her a book right this very moment I'm pissed as hell all over again that Gracen's been reading her books for over three fucking years and I never got the chance to.
I think back to my conversation with my parents yesterday. The utter grief as we talked things through. All that they lost and missed out on, and those embers flame so hot sweat breaks out on my forehead.