"Spencer, take my car and take Aubry home, please."
He nods and walks away from us before Bruce turns on the car and drives us away. Blake tries to writhe out of my hold the entire ride home, clawing at me and biting my arm, but I won't let her. She refuses to speak to me but I don't care. I'm not even mad at her anymore, I realize after the fifth time she bites my forearm. I'm just relieved. Relieved she's safe and in my arms, relieved she has to go home with me because all her shit is there, relieved we bought our place together and her name is on the house so she can't just walk away from me. Because walking away isn't that simple anymore, and even if it was, I wouldn't let her.
I rub my forehead and exhale before I kiss her head. "I'm sorry I wasn't here for you today. Again."
She pushes away from me and looks at my face, her eyes red and glazed over from the alcohol and tears. I get the feeling she's going to scoot down as far away from me as she can, and this time I won't stop her. Instead, she surprises me by climbing into my lap and wrapping her arms around me, burying her face in my neck as she begins to sob. My heart crumbles for her, the way it does every time she lets me see her pain. I can't imagine what she went through today, seeing her father for the first time. I squeeze her tight against me and soothe her by running my fingers through her hair, the way I always do, because it's the only thing I know to do when she's like this.
When we get home, I walk out of the car still holding her in my arms and carry her to our apartment. After placing her on the couch, I get her a glass of water and some ibuprofen.
"You feel okay?" I ask quietly as she takes the water and pills.
She hiccups a breath and nods once she puts the glass down.
"Do you want to talk about what happened today?" I ask quietly.
She shakes her head and new tears begin to stream down her face. "I can't."
I get up and walk to the kitchen to see if I can find anything to eat.
"What happened at Mark's office?" I ask after putting some bread in the toaster.
She ducks her head down, but not before I catch the hurt look in her eyes. Her hair creates a curtain around her and all I can make out are her pursed lips.
"Blake, what happened there? Why did you even go? He could've brought whatever you needed over here," I respond with a sigh.
She looks up at me for a long moment with narrowed eyes and tilts her head, as if she's contemplating asking me a question. I raise an eyebrow expectantly.
"Why do you care if I go there or not?" she asks harshly.
I shoot her a confused look. "I just don't understand why you went. You know he would've brought whatever you needed. You didn't have to go there!"
"Are you worried because you didn't want me to run into your dirty little secret?" she seethes.
I gape at her. "What the hell are you talking about?"
She shakes her head slowly, giving me a disgusted look. "You and Barbie. Or Skipper. Or whoever the heck she is! The blond from Mark's office!"
"What?" I ask in a quiet voice as I try to figure out what she's talking about, until it all comes back to me. Oh. Fuck. "No! Blake-"
"Don't." She gets up, clutching the small glass of water in her hand. "Don't you dare. I don't even want to talk about this right now."
She begins to walk the opposite way and I follow, ignoring the chime of the toaster and sprinting around the counter. When I get to our room she's sitting on our bed, her back facing me as she looks out at the view of the city from our floor to ceiling windows.
"Baby, what did she say?" I ask, feeling the adrenaline rushing in waves through my body, my mind running a mile a minute.
Blake turns her head and glares at me. I don't think I have ever seen her so mad...since Sasha, and that scares the shit out of me. While she works her jaw and glares at me, I try to figure out ways to get that lying whore fired from Mark's office tomorrow.
She shakes her head slowly before standing up. "Get out," she demands.
"I'm not going anywhere! Whatever she said, she lied to you, Blake!" I grit, trying to control my own anger. She will not have the last word. Not today. Not with this.
"Get the hell out, Cole. I swear to God-" she starts.
"Shut up!" I interrupt and just as I open my mouth to say something else, she extends her arm and throws the glass she's holding at me. I move out of the way quickly, my eyes following the flying cup as it hits the wall behind me and shatters, pieces of glass flying everywhere around me, just like everything else in my fucking life.
"What the fuck?" I say dumbfounded, unable to grasp what just happened.
"GET THE FUCK OUT!" she bellows so loudly, I'm sure the neighbors can hear us.
I walk over to her, fuming, until we're chest to chest.
"I didn't do anything with that lying slut!" I yell and watch her recoil and back up a step.
"Then why would she say you did?" she counters, placing her fisted hands on her hips.
"Because she's a whore! She tried to do something with me, but I refused and she's pissed. I. DON'T. KNOW. BLAKE!" I shout, throwing my hands up in frustration.
She blinks, tears clumping her long lashes together. "Why were you even in that situation?" she asks in a broken voice and my stomach drops.
"Baby," I start, extending my arm to hold her to me, but she backs away further.
"NO. Do not baby me, COLE! I was living in somebody's fucking basement with people doing illegal things right outside the door. I lost my baby. OUR baby!" she says, breaking into heaving sob before wiping her face and continuing, "I was emotionally and physically abused...and you...you were out partying?" she whispers hoarsely, crinkling her eyebrows in disbelief as more tears trickle down her face. The pain in her beautiful eyes is so palpable that it makes me want to go back in time and right all of my wrongs. Right all of the things I did when we were broken up. Go back and kick every ex-boyfriend of hers in the head for not being good enough for her. It makes me want to kill Benny and kill Alex and kill anybody who ever hurt her before me. But most of all it makes me want to die for hurting her, for not being there for her, for letting her push me away and thinking that it was okay to walk away.
"No. I wasn't. I swear I wasn't," I say softly, ducking down to look directly into her eyes. "I was a mess without you, Blake. A mess. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I couldn't think. I went to a little bar down the street with some friends from college for a couple of hours. I had already been drinking, that was all I could do to temporarily numb my pain while you were gone. I got there and drank some more. I got up and went to the bathroom and that girl followed me in. She wanted to do stuff, I didn't...I couldn't. Blake, I couldn't. I wouldn't. I swear on my life, baby. She tried, I told her to fuck off. That's it, I swear."
I take a deep shuttering breath, feeling sobs bubbling deep within my core before I release it. I repeat this a couple times, hoping not to start crying, not now. But thinking something happened to Blake, again. Not being here for her when she needed me most, again. And her wanting to leave me, again. I'm not built for this. I'm not built to deal with abandonment, even if that is what life tried to mold me for, I can't deal with it. Most of all, I can't deal with her abandoning me, and that's what it feels like she wants to do. I don't tear my eyes away from her and when the storm in her eyes begins to dissipate, I allow the current in my body to draw me closer to her.
I clasp the nape of her neck and pull her to my chest before lowering my face to the top of her head. I close my eyes and breathe her in, feeling her tremble beneath me as she cries silently. I hold her tighter and feel my own eyes pool with tears. My breath finally comes back to me when she wraps her arms around my waist. For what seems like the millionth time in my life, I marvel about how vulnerable she makes me feel and how many times I've opened myself up to her, only to end up in heartbreak. I cup her face with both my hands to search her face and make sure we're okay. She gives me a small smile, that smile that never fails to bring me to my knees, and I can't help but smile back.