"Russell don't follow your brother, I'll beat both your asses." The two miscreants looked back at me grinning. I turned to one year old Damien for some help but lil man was busy building shit, why the fuck his two brothers couldn't find something peaceful like that to do I don't know. The twins meanwhile are chortling and cooing at each other, two little hell raisers in the making. I must be out of my damn mind wanting to breed the girls again, and so close together no less, damn.
By the time they made it back home I was a frazzled mess, the boys had been fed and watered though the kitchen was a fucking mess, too bad I didn't do that cleaning shit. They sauntered in with a mountain of shopping bags grinning and chatting up a storm like they hadn't left me in kiddie hell all morning.
"Hey hubs how was it?"
"I sold the little fucks Anna that's how my days was."
"Har har very funny."
"Did you know that at least two of our sons are going to be juvenile delinquents? I'd get started on bail money from now and at least one of them is a con artist."
"That'll be my Jonathan, poor little tyke he's got middle child syndrome."
"No he's the criminal mastermind even Russell follows his orders and he's older."
"Left anything in the stores ladies?" I snooped in their bags; I really didn't give a fuck what they bought or how much of it they bought as long as they were happy that's all that mattered.
"Oh hush we hardly bought anything at all."
I'm married to nuts; twenty fucking shopping bags easy but they hardly bought anything okay sure.
"Daddy look."
My little princess bounced over to me and the first thing I noticed was how shiny her hair was; they'd done some shit to it who knows. It's when she held out her little hand and tried to lift the matching leg that I knew there was going to be trouble. I looked at her mothers who all seemed to be holding their breaths, as well they should.
I got a juice box from the refrigerator and sent my daughter off to play with her dolls like any three year old should be doing. Once I was certain that she was out of earshot I turned back to the room. I'm sure by now they could see the stone cold fury on my face but just in case they missed that shit.
"What in the fuck did you do to my daughter?"
"Brad calm down."
"No Marcy I will not calm the fuck down, why is my three year old daughter wearing fucking nail polish?"
"It's a girl thing Brad it's nothing bad all little girls like to paint their nails.” Janine tried soothing my temper.
"Not mine, she's three fucking years old, what's it going to be next lipstick? The fuck!"
"Geez get out of the stone ages Fred Flintstone it's just a little paint it's not like we're dressing her in string bikinis and parading her on a stage or something.” Anna always has to stir the fucking pot.
"Yeah and I'm gonna make sure she doesn't ever end up there; get it off."
"Brad..."
"Off Janine."
She pouted and glared at me, yeah I gave a fuck, not in this lifetime and not when it comes to my kid.
"She's going to be so disappointed and after she had such a nice time too."
"Too bad she's not wearing that shit until she's eighteen or older."
"You can't be serious."
"Anna what the fuck, get it off I don't care how upset she is you're the adults you should've thought this shit through; how could you not know that this shit was not okay with me? What the fuck happened to the build a doll or build a bear or whatever the fuck that she likes so much you couldn't just do that?"
I didn't wait around for an answer just left them there muttering under their breaths like I gave a shit. What three-year-old needed nail polish for fucks sake?
The house was like a war zone for the rest of the day, permafrost prevailed as the three of them banded together against stuffy old me, yeah I gave a fuck; they knew me better than that or they should by now. Shit I barely let them get away with certain things so I don't see how between the three of them they could think that I would be okay with my three year old little girl getting that shit done.
Dinner was a trial, I ignored them and talked to the kids, Chelsea didn't seem any worse for wear with her new bare nails; she still crawled into daddy's lap for her raspberry kisses so I was good.
I left the witches of East wick to do KP and headed to the bathroom to get the kids' baths started, I'd do the older boys since I just threw them all in the tub together with every rubber toy in the Western Hemisphere. A few bubbles and let the madness ensue until it was time to wash heads.