The first time I saw him getting into the pool I ran back up the stairs and hid. One look at his tattooed body chest and arms and my body had reacted.
I felt like the most horrible person in the world, like I’d betrayed them somehow and became withdrawn after that. I couldn’t face them.
It was weeks before I was able to understand that it was natural for a young girl to have those feelings, and as long as I didn’t act on them I had nothing to be ashamed of.
I still got butterflies in my tummy each time we were in the same room together but they were getting easier to control.
Plus, loving Natalia the way I did, I knew I would never do anything to hurt her. So after a while I calmed down and things went back to normal.
They didn’t even chastise me for my behavior of late. The first time I joined them in the family room to watch television after that, all they did was smile and welcome me back.
One day while we were having lunch after shopping, Natalia finally told me the real reason they’d even considered me when they weren’t even interested in having kids of their own.
They were both thirty, very successful and loved to travel. She was the daughter of an Italian businessman and they’d met four years earlier when Evan had gone to Italy on a business venture.
Her mom had been an orphan who had been mistreated in their system she said, and when she saw my story she couldn’t help thinking about her mom and what would’ve become of her if some nice couple hadn’t taken her in.
Apparently her dad is the son of that couple who’d fallen in love with the orphan like some fairytale and they now lived happily ever after.
So for the next few months my life had gone from the bottom of the barrel almost to the top. I never forgot though that I wasn’t really theirs and that it could all end at anytime.
Natalia took me shopping at the same boutiques where she got her stuff and I even got my hair cut in a salon for the first time.
She wouldn’t let them do more than trim the broken edges because she said she liked my dark locks that fell all the way down to my ass.
She taught me how to wear makeup, which Evan did not approve of and she teased him mercilessly about it. “Aw, daddy doesn’t want his little girl to look grown up.”
He swatted her with the kitchen towel he had in his hand after drying the bowls we’d used for ice cream sundaes, which he’d made as Natalia and I sat at the counter watching.
I looked at him expecting him to say I’m not her daddy, but he never did. That night in bed I said the word over and over again, enjoying the sweet feeling it gave me.
Then one day I called him daddy while we were playing. I think I said something like ‘daddy stop that tickles’.
I was so embarrassed when he stopped all movement that I wanted to disappear, but he just kissed my forehead and told me there was noting to be embarrassed about, that he liked being my daddy. I think I fell in love with him that day.
From then on that’s all I would call him. When we played basketball and he cheated, or when I needed help with my homework it was always daddy.
I never did get around to calling Natalia mom though, but she didn’t seem to mind, and the three of us settled into an almost idyllic routine for a year.
Then disaster struck and my world was turned upside down once again. It’s another one of those times that you know you’ll never forget no matter how old you get.
Evan and I were home alone playing scrabble, which he loves to cheat at. I remember we were laughing because I caught him making up yet another word when the phone rang.
He was still laughing when he answered his phone but then the laughter had died and the look on his face filled me with dread.
When he hung up I went to him, standing in front of him with tears already running down my face because I knew something was horribly wrong. I was right.
Natalia was on her way home from a night out with her girlfriends. They were t-boned on the highway by a drunk driver.
All three women were killed instantly while the driver got away with barely a scratch. I was in shock, screaming in my head as I dropped into the closest chair.
Evan stood there for the longest time not saying anything, just staring into space and I felt my heart break for him.
That night I went with him to the hospital to identify her body, though he wouldn’t let me go into the room with him.