“Then let’s do it.”
He turned his mystic green eyes on me, their power radiating like orbs. “You’re certain you can handle this?”
I didn’t blink as I held his gaze. “Absolutely.” I’d been through trauma after trauma. There were very few things that scared me anymore. My spine was a rod of steel and my heart was calloused and cold. The last blow that killed me was Crow’s rejection. Now there was nothing left that could cause any damage.
“Okay. I’ll take it over with Cane and we’ll figure out a plan.”
“Alright.” The sooner, the better. I wasn’t sure what I would do when I got back to America. There was no job waiting for me. There wasn’t even an apartment waiting for me. I’d have to be smart and figure it out. But choosing to stay out of fear was unacceptable. I’d find my way—that was certain.
Instead of leaving Crow stayed right beside me. He leaned forward and rested his arms on his thighs. His fingers interlocked together and he stared at the floor beneath his shiny shoes.
I waited for him to walk out and leave me in peace. Being in his presence any longer than necessary was torture. I was happy just a week ago and now I was miserable. He took something away from me, something I never thought I would have again. Somehow, I resented him for it.
“I miss you.” He stared at his hands and rubbed his thumbs together.
I heard what he said but didn’t react. The words were meaningless to me. At one point I thought he loved me, that he couldn’t live without me. All those nights we spent together were beautiful. He took care of me when I could barely walk. But I’d misinterpreted all of that.
He slowly turned his head my way, expecting me to echo the words back at him.
Now he knew what rejection felt like.
His eyes filled with disappointment, the kind he couldn’t hide. He tightened his fingers together, the veins in his forearms protruding through the skin. He turned back to his hands when he couldn’t bare my coldness any longer. “I thought we agreed we would enjoy our time together before you left.”
Change of plans. “I don’t feel the same way anymore, Crow.”
He clenched his jaw slightly. “Meaning?”
“I don’t want to sleep with you. I don’t want to fuck you. All I want is to hurt Bones for hurting us. And then I want to leave and start over. Coming to this place has shown me what the real world is like. It’s taught me how to observe people, how to stiffen my spine, and how to survive. Now that I have those skills I’m ready to return to my old world.”
He sat up straight and pulled his hands apart. “I don’t see why we can’t enjoy each other.”
I didn’t want his hands on me. I didn’t want him inside me. It would just make me think of the day he broke my heart. After everything I’d been through I didn’t think it was possible to love someone, to trust someone. He pulled me into a false sense of security, making me think we were dark together but whole. “Because we can’t.”
“I’m sorry I hurt you but—”
“It’s okay, Crow. You don’t need to apologize for the way you feel. But now I want other things. I can’t let you touch me because I won’t enjoy it. All I’ll think about was the last time we were together. We’re just friends. Accomplices. And that’s all we’ll ever be.”
He took a quiet breath, the frustration obvious. “For what its worth, I do miss you. I can’t sleep without you. I can’t focus at work without you. Everything has been turned upside down and I can’t even think straight. I miss us. I miss what we have. It hasn’t been easy for me.”
It was hard to feel any pity. He wanted me around for entertainment. He wanted me around because we had amazing sex together. But that was it and nothing more.
That’s all I meant to him.
“You’ll get through it. The longing will pass and you’ll forget about me—like all the others.” There wasn’t a hint of venom in my voice. I told him the truth and the whole truth.
He turned his head my way, the despair in his eyes.
I was numb and couldn’t feel a thing. There was no sympathy in my heart or anything else. All I felt was desperation for escape. I wanted to get as far away as possible so I could get over him.
I wanted to forget about him.
I wanted to forget all of this.
***
I slept soundly in my bed when the sound of shattering glass woke me up.
I bolted upright in bed the second the shards scattered across the hardwood floor. My nightmares had returned but I somehow knew this was real. The sound was unmistakable. It was far too loud to be fake.