Buttons and Pain (Buttons 3)

“Well, what do you want to do today?”

“The choice is entirely up to you.”

“Why me?” I asked. “You’re the bossy one.”

Finally, the corner of his lip rose in a smile. “I guess I don’t mind letting you take the lead once in a while.”

“I saw a hammock outside.”

He rested his hand on the table as he waited for me to elaborate.

“Can we lay in it and read?” I used to spend my afternoons outside while he was at work. The Tuscan sun kept me warm and lulled me into an afternoon nap that carried all my troubles away. By the time I woke up, he returned from work and we got to have our fun.

I expected him to deny the suggestion but he didn’t. His mouth was still formed in a half smile. “Sure.”

***

A nightmare made me toss and turn in the sheets and I begged my mind to wake up. Bones had me, and he was forcing me into a life of submission and cruelty. After a few more turns I finally gasped and woke up.

The bedroom was dark with the exception of the moonlight entering from the window. It flooded the room with beaming white light and allowed me to see my fingertips and my nose at the edge of my face.

Breathing hard and still terrified, I reached for Crow beside me. I needed those strong arms to form steel cages around me and protect me from Bones as well as my subconscious. But when I saw the empty bed beside me I realized I was alone.

He was gone.

I sat up straighter and looked around the room but didn’t see him anywhere. The bathroom door was open but I didn’t hear his footsteps from inside. Only the shadows kept me company in the empty room. “Crow?”

The quiet ring of silence answered me.

I got out of bed and quickly pulled on one of his t-shirts before I went looking for him. My first guess was his study. It was full of scotch and brandy along with a warm fireplace. If he was unable to sleep and wanted to be alone, that’s where he’d go.

I entered the hallway and located the door on the left. I turned the knob and stepped inside, and the first thing I noticed was him sitting on the couch. Shirtless with just his pajama bottoms on, he leaned forward with his arms resting on his thighs. His eyes were glued to the dancing flames of the hearth, and the reflected in the dark color of his eyes.

I shut the door behind me and crept further into the room.

Not once did he acknowledge me, which told me he knew I was there the second my hand touched the doorknob. “Nightmare?”

“Yeah.” I sank into the seat beside him and hooked my arm through his. “They seem to happen when you’re gone.”

“I’m your dreamcatcher.”

I rested my cheek on his shoulder. “Yes.”

“And you’re my lightcatcher.”

I raised my head when I didn’t understand what he meant. I stared at the side of his face and waited for him to meet my look.

He never did. “You chase away the darkness. You capture the light.” When he fell silent I knew the conversation had been dismissed. A glass of scotch sat on the table with two large ice cubes sitting inside. The decanter was beside it, nearly full to the top.

He was in a particularly sour mood this evening and I didn’t understand what provoked it. We spent the day lounging in the hammock and having dinner on the terrace. We didn’t say much, but just being together felt nice. And now he was drinking away his solo alone in his study at three in the morning. “What is it, Crow? What’s bothering you?”

He grabbed his glass and took a long drink. He forced himself to swallow like he was sick of the burn down his throat. When he returned the glass to the table, he spilled a few drops on the hard wood.

“Is it Bones?” I whispered. “Crow, we’ll figure out a way to defeat him. We just need a strong plan.” My fingers moved up his back and to the back of his neck. I massaged his hair and felt the soft strands move against my calloused hands. He closed his eyes for a moment, almost enjoying it. “We’ll figure it out.”

“It’s not that…at least right now.”

“Then what is it?” My hand stopped moving as I waited for an answer.

He stopped looking at the fire and turned his gaze to the paintings on the wall. The buttons still marked the images of the vineyards, and they were in the exact same place they used to be. The light from fireplace illuminated the details. “Vanessa…she died a year ago today.”

My hand fell down his back the second the revelation entered my mind. I never knew the date when she passed away, but I’d been with him for over a year and knew it would be soon. He didn’t talk about Vanessa often, and when he did, he didn’t say much. “I’m sorry.”