Buttons and Shame (Buttons 4)

Crow lowered his gaze, giving her the privacy to mourn.

Pearl’s eyes were filled with tears.

I dreaded hearing any more, but I needed to hear the rest.

“Tristan knocked her out then raped me…twice. I fought him as hard as I could, but that just made him want me more. Blood was everywhere…my hair was ripped out of my scalp. When he was finished, he bought both of us and—” Adelina’s eyes filled with enormous tears and her bottom lip trembled. She sniffed and stifled a cry before she covered her face with her hands and stormed out of the room.

No one chased after her.

I listened to the sound of her sobs until they disappeared somewhere inside the house. I had no idea where she went, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she went outside to the back patio. It was the only place she would find privacy.

Pearl wiped the tears from her eyes then stared at the table.

Crow watched her, his protective gaze always casting a heavy shadow. His hand finally moved to the center of her back where he rested it, like he was feeling her heartbeat with his palm. With a stoic expression that mirrored my own, he stared at her like her feelings didn’t matter. But his affection said otherwise.

I watched them together as I had hundreds of times. My brother never admitted to me that he loved her, but I was convinced of his true affection a long time ago. It was subtle hints like that that gave him away.

Pearl relaxed noticeably when she felt him console her. She lifted her wet eyes and looked at me. “Aren’t you going to go after her?”

The thought crossed my mind. “There’s nothing I can do for her.” I was just another man using her, not any different from Tristan. I didn’t have the right to make her feel better.

“That’s not true, and you know it.” Pearl gave me that look of disappointment again, that look that I despised. When she expected me to do more, I wanted to reach her standards. When she asked me to do something, I wanted to obey. That was just how brothers were with their sisters.

I found Adelina sitting in the shade of a tree on the grass. It was the exact same place where Crow and Pearl got married a few months ago. I found it ironic that she picked that particular spot to let her tears fall.

I walked across the grass and tried to make my footsteps loud so she could hear me. I didn’t want to catch her off guard when she was already vulnerable. I wasn’t a fan of crying women. Reminded me of a baby, and I definitely didn’t like babies. Pearl didn’t shed a single tear when I beat her, and I respected her for it.

When Adelina heard me coming, she took a deep breath and steadied her tears. She wiped her eyes on the back of her forearm and quickly wrapped her arms around her waist when she was finished. There was no way she thought she actually fooled me, but maybe hiding it as much as possible made her more comfortable.

I lowered myself to the ground beside her and stared straight ahead just in case she didn’t want me to look at her. I didn’t ask if she was okay because obviously she wasn’t. I didn’t ask if she wanted to talk about it, because if she did, she would say something. There was no instruction manual when it came to these situations. As a man, I would never understand how it would feel to be a woman. I would never know what it was like to be prey when I was always the predator. “I’m here. In whatever way you need me, I’m here.” That was the best I could think of, the best thing I could say.

She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her knees. “I’m sorry for walking out like that. I just—”

“You don’t need to apologize.” It was ludicrous for her to think she needed to.

“Talking about it makes it more real. When I talk about it, I feel like I’m living it all over again.”

“I know what you mean.”

“Lizzie threw herself on top of me and kicked him in the face. She had no chance against him, but she tried anyway. She wanted him to take her over me…”

I stared straight ahead when I heard the tears in her voice again.

“That’s why I can’t run, not when she tried to help me.”

Now I understood her stubbornness.

“I’ll get over this. I want to help as much as I can. But talking about it…it’s just hard. I haven’t had anyone to talk to about anything, and now there are three of you to listen. I’m not used to it.”