Buttons and Shame (Buttons 4)

“You can just talk to me if that would be easier,” I offered. “I can work with them and leave you out of it.”

She nodded. “Maybe.”

I finally looked at her, seeing the tearstains on her cheeks. They were little riverbeds in her skin, and her tears collected as drops on her chin. The sight of her wet eyes was worse than the sound of her tears. I felt sick to my stomach when I pictured the story she weaved. Her only crime was taking a vacation to celebrate her success. She went out to see the beauty of the world but got caught in the darkness instead.

It was wrong.

My arm circled her shoulders, and I pulled her into me, lending my shoulder for her to lean on.

She moved with the gesture and rested her cheek against me. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath like the touch was exactly what she needed.

I looked down at her and saw the small drops in her thick lashes. My lips wanted to kiss them away, to kiss away all the tears that still clung to her cheeks. When she hurt, I hurt. That was a sensation I’d never felt before.

I moved my lips to her temple and kissed her in a way I’d never kissed a woman before. My lips felt her hairline and smelled the vanilla scent of her shampoo. Instead of pulling away, I kept my mouth resting against her warm skin. I wanted to tell her everything was going to be okay, but that was too cruel.

It wasn’t going to be okay.

In two weeks, I’d have to return her to her tormentor without looking back.

“Cane?”

“Hmm?”

“I want you to do something for me. And I want you to promise to do it before I tell you what it is.”

“You know I can’t do that. But I can try.”

She sat up again and tucked her hair behind her ear. “I don’t want to go back. I can’t live like that anymore.”

I didn’t blame her.

“So…I want you to kill me.”

I didn’t react because I could hardly believe what she said.

“I’d rather die than live the rest of my life this way. But you can’t kill me, and it can’t look like suicide either. Otherwise, he’ll kill Lizzie. So I need something to make it look natural.”

She was really asking me to help with her own suicide.

“Like a pill or something. Something that will give me a heart attack or make me die in my sleep.” She said it without emotion, like we were having a business meeting that neither one of us wanted to attend. “You can get something like that, right?”

The idea of her dying gave me a sudden jolt of terror. I pictured her handcuffed to the bed with eyes wide open, the life gone from her body. Her heart stopped working and her lungs stopped breathing. It was terrifying.

But I couldn’t argue with her logic. I’d either die trying to escape or die because I shot myself in the head. “Doesn’t it make more sense to escape than to kill yourself? Lizzie wouldn’t want you to take that alternative.”

She shook her head. “I’m not going to betray my best friend just so I can live. And I’m not going to suffer any longer. I’d rather just end it.”

While it was heartbreaking, I respected her devotion to her friend.

“Cane?” she pressed. “You can do that for me, right?”

I didn’t want her to do this. But there was nothing I could do to change her circumstances. She was just a stranger to me, a woman I was fucking for my own sick pleasure. What happened to her after she left wasn’t my concern, and I would do the same thing if I were in her situation. If someone were threatening me with Crow, I would cooperate even if I didn’t know if he was alive. “Yeah…I can do that for you.”

“Thank you.”

“But we might be able to track Lizzie down. Don’t give up just yet.”

She leaned her head back on my shoulder and hooked her arm through mine. “We both know it’s not going to happen, Cane. I have to prepare for the worst.”

The sounds of her sobs woke me up.

She was having a nightmare, the kind that made her kick me in the side and scream into the pillow. Whenever I slept with her, I always slept like a log. The second my eyes closed, it was already morning. But tonight was a deviation from the norm.

She twisted in her sleep, her arms over her head.

“Bellissima.” I grabbed both of her wrists and pinned them above her head so she wouldn’t hurt herself. “Wake up.”

She twisted against my grasp, tears streaming down her cheeks.

“You’re here with me.” I kissed her tears then pressed my mouth to hers. She responded almost immediately, her lips softening at my touch. Her hands no longer fought against my hold, and she finally opened her eyes.