Pearl turned to me when I didn’t say anything else. “He wants to fight, doesn’t he?”
“Doesn’t matter what he wants. I told him I’ll withdraw if that’s the case.”
“You’ll withdraw? As in, you won’t help him?”
“As in, I’d no longer be involved in the business and would have nothing to do with it.”
“Why wouldn’t you help him? This is your business, Crow.”
I took my eyes off the road and looked at her. “You know exactly why, Button. We already went through hell with Bones. I’m not doing that again. I’m not risking you again.”
“But that business is your life.”
“It’s just money. You’re my life.” My hand moved to her thigh. “I can make wine all day and come home to you. That’s enough for me.”
She smiled before she placed her hand on mine, her warm fingers surrounding me. “That’s sweet, Crow. But I don’t think you can do that to your brother. You have to stand by him—no matter what. You either both walk away together, or you fight together.”
“No.”
“Even if you walk away from the business, that doesn’t mean the Skull Kings won’t target us. We both mean a lot to Cane. They could use us both to get what they want. We have to be in this together—all three of us.”
* * *
I couldn’t sleep.
I had a nightmare—and this time, it wasn’t about Bones.
It was Constantine and the Skull Kings—people I couldn’t put a face to. But in my imagination, they were terrifying. They took away everything that meant anything to me. They took my brother—and then they took my wife. I saw her pinned to the bed while they each took a turn—and forced me to watch.
I woke up in a feverish sweat and went into my office. It was a cold night, so I started a fire and grabbed my decanter of scotch. Even though I wasn’t cold, I sat on the couch in front of the fire and watched the flames dance. They gave me enough distraction to clear my head, to stop me from thinking about the horrible things my nightmares just made me witness.
I used my scotch like a crutch and leaned on it for support. It’d been my friend through all the hard times. Our relationship started when I was sixteen. I wasn’t even a man yet before I started relying on liquor to get me through life.
I was an alcoholic. I admitted it. No one gave me shit about it because I could control my temper, unlike most people. I hid the usual symptoms so I could drink all I wanted—until my wife cut me off.
I sat there for an hour, my lidded eyes glued to the flames as they slowly burned away to embers.
The door cracked, and Button popped her head inside, wearing one of my cotton t-shirts. It was five times too big and reached her knees. She stepped inside and stared at me, her dark hair a messy array from the way I’d fisted it before bed. Now that my wife had almost been taken away from me—again—I treasured her even more. I made love to her as much as I could. We never knew how long we had on this earth, and I had to make every minute count.
Button grabbed the glass from my hand and took a drink. She downed half of it in a single gulp, obviously to make a point since she made her distaste for my favorite beverage known. She set the empty glass down then sat beside me. There was a blanket over the back of the couch, so she pulled it over her thighs to stay warm.
I didn’t want her to be cold, so I tossed another log on the fire, rustling the embers and getting the flames going again. I wiped my palms on my sweatpants and returned to my seat, feeling my wife stare at me.
“Can’t sleep?” she whispered.
“Guess not.”
“Crow,” she pressed.
“I had a nightmare…couldn’t fall back asleep.”
“You want to talk about it?”
“Not even slightly.” I refilled my glass and took another drink.
“How many of those have you had?”
“Too many.”
She didn’t press the argument, knowing I was in a foul mood. “I can’t sleep when you aren’t beside me.”
“What did you do when we didn’t sleep together for days?”
“I was sleep deprived,” she said simply. “Only got a few hours on and off. Then I would take a nap in the middle of the day.”
I didn’t sleep any better, but at least I wasn’t having nightmares like this.
“Since I’m not sleeping, I thought you might like the company.”
I always loved it when she was with me. I didn’t do a very good job showing it because I acted like an asshole most of the time, but I did appreciate her company. She was one of the few people who had suffered as much as I had, who had lost people the way I had.