No one told me that I'd be having lengthy conversations with my wife's swelling belly, already striving to teach my kid the important stuff in life, like the fact that, when it comes to Star Wars, nothing before Episode IV actually counts.
No one told me that quite a few of the injuries in the delivery room are from fathers passing out upon seeing the harsh, brutal reality of labor. I didn't actually do this, but it was a near thing. Men, there is a reason the Almighty did not see fit to saddle us with the responsibility of growing humans. Quite simply, we aren’t strong enough. If the continuation of the human race fell to mankind alone, we’d never have survived this long. All of you take a knee for a minute and honor your mothers and the mothers of your children.
No one told me that seeing my daughter born would make my heart crack clean in two because it was growing three sizes, Grinch-style, in the span of one breath and the next, when I heard her cry for the first time.
No one told me I'd love her so much that I wouldn't even mind the fact that she's entirely a creature of the night and believes that sleeping is for wimps. Thoug
h, that could be the sleep deprivation talking. God makes babies cute to override our instincts for self-preservation because we'd never go through this for anything else.
No one told me she'd have the sweetest smile on earth and that I'd already be planning interrogation tactics for the boys who want to date her—who, of course, she won't be allowed to actually go out with until she's thirty.
No one told me that I'd be the one to cry when she started day care. You'll recognize her as the most beautiful little girl there, the precocious one with the shockingly full head of hair and the philosopher's eyes. Don't believe me? Spend five minutes staring into her eyes and see if you don't start contemplating the mysteries of the universe.
No one told me that parenthood would be the greatest adventure of my life or that each day would be full of more joy than I thought existed in the world.
Most of all, no one told me that I could actually feel even more for my wife than I did the day that I married her—which says a lot, because I flashmobbed my own wedding just for her. She and Parker are my greatest treasures. So rather than spending Father's Day being celebrated as a father, I'll celebrate the gift of being made one. I can’t imagine anything greater.
P.S. Piper, I love you.
No matter how many editorials he wrote, she never got tired of seeing that post script. He used it on every single one, regardless of topic. But this one. This one made her feel gooey inside. He’d said once that he figured she’d be surprising him for the next fifty years. It seemed he planned to do the same for her.
Slipping out of bed, she went in search of her sweet husband. The reason for the silence became readily apparent once she hit the living room. Myles was fast asleep in his favorite chair, feet stretched out on the ottoman. Parker was snuggled up on his chest. Unlike her father, she was awake, her big blue eyes fixed in a staring contest with Loaf, the corgi mix they’d adopted from the shelter. As Piper watched, Parker reached out a tiny hand and booped Loaf’s nose.
Where is the camera when I need it?
The dog rose from a sit and nosed Parker’s hand. She gave a happy burble and Myles jolted awake, his arms coming around her.
“How’s my little cutie pie?” He pressed a kiss to Parker’s downy head.
“Having a little daddy-daughter time?”
“You’re up. Sleep okay?”
“I did. I feel almost like a real human.” Piper crossed over to the chair, perching on the arm and leaning down to kiss him. “Although it’s Father’s Day. I should’ve been letting you sleep in.”
“I have exactly what I want, right here. My two best girls.”
“I read your editorial.”
His eyes brightened. “Yeah? What did you think?”
“It was somewhat hyperbolic, but completely you. You undo me, Myles.”
“Just speaking the truth.”
When he tugged her into his lap, Piper fell willingly, snuggling them both. “I love you. However, you’re still not changing my mind.”
“Aw, come on,” he pleaded. “Just look at her.” He waved Parker’s little arm and bounced his leg, making her giggle.
Piper held out a finger for her to grip. God she was growing so fast. “Yes, she’s the most adorable baby ever. And we’re still not starting on a second one until she’s at least two.”
He mimed a pout that looked an awful lot like one of Parker’s.
“Nice try. Not happening, my love. I’ve made sure of that.”
“As I recall, you were pretty sure of it the last time, and we got the world’s greatest oops out of the bargain.” The grin he flashed held a wicked edge.
Piper looked to the heavens. “Please, dear God, cover your ears and don’t listen to him.”