“Me too,” I say softly, and I mean it. When I go home for Ryan’s wedding, it won’t be as bad as it could be.
“Did you get your dress for the wedding yet?”
“Not yet, I was waiting for you.”
“Cool. Oh!” she exclaims, and I almost drive off the road. She’s so spastic. “What’s going on with Chandler Moooonnn?” she sings, drawing out his name.
I sigh softly.
“Oh, that sounds good! Give me the deets!”
Now I roll my eyes. “Nothing is going on. I don’t know. He came over for dinner with Mom, and I gave him my number. We texted all night but then didn’t speak for two days because I’m an asshole and forgot to text back. But then we FaceTimed last night.”
“Aww! So, what’s going to happen? You going to hook up?”
“I don’t know. I’m hesitant.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know if it’s a good idea.”
“Why again? You’re being weird. You like the guy. I know you do. You talked about him for, like, ever when you were back at Bellevue. And then Drew came along and fudged that all up.”
“I know, but—”
“But nothing. Remember, he would be the perfect rebound guy. He’s recently divorced, and so are you. Bang it out and use him to move on.”
“He’s not the type of guy to be the kind of rebound you want me to have. Like you said, he’s been divorced too. I think he’s looking for a wife.”
“Okay…?” she says. “So let it happen.”
My heart actually stops, and everything goes still. I can’t make another mistake like the one I did. “That terrifies me.”
“Well, you need to stop being such a little baby and do something. I want my Amelia, the one who is happy—”
“I am happy.”
“You are not. You’re just going through the motions.”
“I am not!”
“Amelia, you are, and you need to find someone to make you—”
“I need to find my happiness within myself. Not get it from some guy.”
“I totally agree, and I appreciate that, but I feel you’re holding back. You can be happy. You are happy within—you got away from Drew—”
“But I’m stuck.”
“You’re not stuck. I promise you. You’re ten times better off than you were. Be happy, Amelia.”
“I don’t know.”
“Why are you the way you are?”
“I don’t know. I think it comes from the Justice side of the family.”
When I pass by GymMasters, I have the urge to stop. I want to go in, ask for a job, but I won’t. I can’t. I refuse to take the chance and be rejected. I can’t set myself up for failure like that. I feel like I can’t win. But then, that’s not true. I have my mom back, which is a huge step in the right direction. I need her. Maybe she’s right, I’m not allowing myself to be happy. For a split second, I think about pulling into the parking lot, but my fear won’t let me. I turn onto the road that leads to Perk Me Up as disappointment washes over me.
“I don’t know,” I say. “I am happy, but I’m not.”
“Which I feel is because you’re not getting laid.”
“I feel you are insane.”
“Well, I feel you’re being irrational and a baby.”
“Well, I feel I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
“I love you.”
“Love you too.”
I hang up as I pull into my parking spot in the back. I get out of the car feeling tired, emotionally and physically. I love Shelli—God, I love her—but she is exhausting. I don’t want to consider that she might be right. She can’t be right. A simple hookup would not make me happy. I need more, and I need to find it. And not from some guy. Even if Chandler is amazing.
Ugh.
I hit the lock button on my fob as I head inside, feeling absolutely shitty about myself. The shop is dead, as I expected. It’s good, though, because I need to clean behind the machines today. At the counter is William, my boss’s son. He has been doing mornings since I decided I didn’t want to anymore. He’s a rather large man, in both height and width, but he’s very kind, with light-green eyes. He hit on me my first day. I was so fucked up that I seriously laughed in his face. I’ve felt bad about that since then, so I try to be real nice to him now.
When he sees me, he smiles before he waves. “Hey, Amelia.”
“Hey, Will. How are you?”
“Good, thanks. You got a delivery this morning.”
I scrunch my brows together as he hooks his thumb to the end of the counter where a bouquet of white flowers sits. They’re surrounded by thick brown paper with a light-blue bow wrapped around the long stems. I walk toward them, my heart pounding in my chest because I know who they’re from. I lift the bouquet, admiring the pops of white roses and then the green foliage that ties the whole bouquet together. Inside is a card, and I want to laugh at how shaky my hand is as I grab it. I lay the bouquet down and open the card quickly.