Boon gets up, picking up his phone from the side table. “When you’re in a relationship, you don’t want to do anything fun unless you’re with that person.”
Hm, so that’s what a relationship is? “That’s not true. I’ll go to dinner with you guys.”
“Boring. I want to find someone to go home with.”
“You can go home with the waitress.”
Wes shakes his head. “Don’t listen to him, BB. He’s still bitter because his girl left him.”
“I am not!”
“You are,” Wes says, shaking his head. “I think it’s cool. I’d rather be with someone than trolling for females.”
“Because you’re into that relationship shit!”
Wes sets him with a look. “And you were too until what’s her name left you.”
Boon rolls his eyes. “Fuck off. Trolling is fun,” Boon insists. At one time, I agreed. I don’t want to troll when I know there is a girl who’s thinking of me. Only me.
Wes looks back at me. “Sure, but knowing there is that one girl who wants only you feels way better.”
“Until she leaves you and breaks your heart.”
It’s as if I am watching the angel and devil argue on my shoulder.
Wes looks back at me. “And this is why we don’t listen to Boon. Bitter.”
“Fuck off!”
Wes laughs, but I feel what Boon is saying. Crazy thing is, I feel Wes too. Jesus, I’m a mess.
“Do you, bro. We’re gonna go out, though,” Wes says as he stands up.
“We sure are,” Boon agrees, and then he goes to the door as Wes pats my shoulder.
“Wanna go?”
“No, I’m gonna order in.”
“Cool. See ya.”
“Have fun,” I call at them as they walk out.
A part of me wants to go. I don’t want to be boring, but I don’t think Shelli would appreciate that. I wouldn’t want her going out to troll for guys, and I sure as hell didn’t like seeing her out with that fucker, Merryweather. I’m doing the right thing. I’m not boring. Especially when I know I can call Shelli. When my stomach rumbles, I sit up and order some food. It’s going to be a while, so I sit back in the bed, opening my text thread with Shelli.
Me: wyd
Shelli: Nothing. Just sitting around. I’m hungry, but Mom isn’t cooking, and I’m lazy.
Me: LOL. I just ordered food.
Shelli: Don’t y’all go out on no-game nights? You didn’t want to go?
Me: The guys are going to the club. I didn’t think it was appropriate.
Shelli: Why?
Me: Cause they’re going to find women.
Shelli: So? Doesn’t mean you have to. Unless you want to.
Me: I don’t, which is why I didn’t go.
Shelli: Don’t trust yourself?
Me: No, it’s not that at all. I just didn’t want to upset you.
Shelli: While I appreciate that, I trust you. You haven’t done anything to make me think otherwise.
We shouldn’t have skipped the dating thing. Or did we?
Me: Did we skip dating?
Shelli: I mean, I guess. We have known each other my whole life.
Me: Okay, true. So thinking I was doing the right thing is right, then?
Shelli: Did you want to go?
Me: No, I actually wanted to talk to you.
Shelli: Then you did the right thing.
A grin pulls at my lips.
Me: You should get something to eat, and we’ll FaceTime. Eat together.
Shelli: Well, now that sounds like a digital DATE.
I know she said it to be funny, and while I am grinning, I’m hesitant to agree. I’m still thinking of what the guys said, and it’s weighing heavy on me. I don’t understand the way I’m thinking, but I know it’s because of what Asher said. I want this, but I’m terrified of it.
Just do it. Just jump in. I swallow hard as I type back.
Me: Yeah, go get something. My food will be here in forty minutes.
Shelli: Okay, let me go whip something up.
I send her a thumbs-up and then lean back on the bed. I switch on GameCenter, but just as I set down the remote, I get a text.
Mom: Asher said you need Emery’s therapist’s number. I didn’t know you were having problems. Do you need to talk?
Why does my brother love fucking with me?
Me: Mom, I’m fine, but I may kill Asher.
Mom: Are you sure? I love talking to you.
Me: I’m fine, plus Asher is staying with me while he’s in town.
Mom: What? I didn’t even know he was coming into town!
Ha.
Asher: I hate you.
Me: You’re a jackass.
Asher: Hey, someone needs to help you before you ruin this.
Me: I’m not going to ruin it.
But even I’m not confident in my words. I want to say I feel good about all this, but I don’t. I’m constantly freaking out and unsure of myself. Maybe I should have gone out, but I know I’d be bored because the only person I want to talk to is Shelli. No one can hold a candle to her. But should I worry that she’ll find someone who’s better than me? This relationship crap is wack. Why am I doing this again?