I shoot him a sideways glance to asses the level of crap he’s feeding me and find nothing other than quiet contemplation on his face. “That’s deep.”
“Fucking hell––it is, isn’t it? And he’s right. You can’t change people any more than you can change your circumstances. All you can do is take them as they are and make the best of it.”
I’m fairly certain he’s speaking about his mother. The bus ride back from Stanford comes back to haunt me. Time to make amends.
“I’m sorry about what I said about your mother––on the bus ride home that night. That was out of line.”
He turns to look at me and smirks. “Don’t sweat it, pretty boy.”
A good-sized wave approaches and Quinn starts to paddle out. Before he gets out of earshot, he throws a sinister glance over his shoulder. “Besides––I’ve said the same shite about your dad.”
“Bite me, asshole,” I chuckle.
“You’re not my type,” he shouts back as he gets up on his board. Howling, he flips me off. Then Quinn rides the wave he’s given.
Dora
“No sign of him, huh?” Vi says with a sympathetic look on her face.
Shaking my head, I take the last of the empty soda bottles out of her hands and place them in the recycling bin while Mika breaks down the bar set up in the corner.
In the two weeks since Dallas called me his “friend” I’ve neither seen nor heard from him. It’s official––I’ve been ghosted without an explanation or a proper break up. I know it in my heart, the one that’s barely beating without him. The level of disappointment and heartbreak I’m currently experiencing runs so deep I dare not talk about it even with the girls because I’m sure I’ll have a total breakdown that I can’t afford right now. Not with all the schoolwork and testing I have to do.
I can’t even muster the requisite anger. I know why he’s pushing me away––he’s leaving me before I can leave him. But that doesn’t stop me from loving him with every fiber of my being. The spigot doesn’t get automatically turned off because someone leaves…or dies. I get what he was trying to tell me now. The love keeps flowing, and with nowhere for it to go you eventually drown in it.
All I can do is wait for him to realize it on his own time. I’ve always been a proponent of actions speak louder than words anyway. I’ll show him how steadfast true love is.
“Do they think this is a petting zoo, or are they gonna adopt?” Vi mutters under her breath.
She’s speaking about the young couple standing near the cats. They’ve been here for hours and are the only ones left of the crowd we had all day. Although by the looks of it, Cletus doesn’t seem to have a problem with the heavy petting. What a lush that cat is.
“We’ll take him,” the woman holding the fat elderly tabby says.
“Score,” Vi mutters again.
The opening party was a huge success, but we’re all so exhausted. As soon as the paperwork is done and Cletus is placed in a carrier, Mika runs to lock the door behind them. My night isn’t even over yet. I have to head back to the dorm and start packing up my things.
Graduation is in a few days. After the party at Shutters on the Beach the graduating class is throwing, I’ll head back to Del Mar for the summer. I’m still considering skipping the party altogether, but I’m sure Zoe won’t let me.
“He’s grieving. He’ll come around. You’ll see,” Vi says as she gives me a big hug. I won’t see them again till next fall.
“Just make him beg for it when he does,” Mika adds. If only it was that simple.
It’s 8 p.m. by the time I park Bernadette in the empty parking lot next to my dorm. Staring out into the darkness, I fight with myself, and I mean I literally fight myself.
“Don’t…”
But the forces of evil are formidable. They keep dragging my attention to the cell phone sitting in the cup holder. The one Dallas bought me to replace the one he broke. That feels like it happened a hundred years ago.
“Don’t call him. Don’t do it. That’s… beyond pathetic.”
I pick up the phone. My fingers hover over the speed dial.
“Do not do it.” I put the phone in the cup holder. “Good. Now step away.”
As soon as I jump out of the car, a warm gust of June wind takes my hair and whips it around. The breeze brings with it a trace of smoke from a wildfire still burning up north. It reminds me of the car ride to San Francisco.
Regardless how this goes, whatever may come of us, it was still the best decision I ever made. He was the best decision I ever made, the reward so much greater than the risk of losing him. Because having been loved and loving, even for a short time, is better to not having loved at all.