He tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear and then lifted the long strands from her neck to press a kiss to her throat. She shuddered as he gathered her closer, fanning the ashes of their lovemaking, which apparently hadn’t fully cooled.
“I have something for you,” he said, his lips sparking against her skin.
“And it’s exactly what I wanted,” she murmured, arching into his mouth, silently encouraging him to trail those lips down her throat.
It could never be enough. He could touch her every minute of every day, crawl inside her ten more times before they left this bed, and she’d never reach the saturation point.
He laughed and reached behind him to pull a long, flat box from the bedside dresser drawer.
Entranced by the possibilities, Caitlyn ripped off the green foil wrapping paper and lifted the lid. A silver chain lay on the velvet interior.
Antonio withdrew it from the box and held it up so she could see the silver-filigreed initial charms hanging from it. “There’s an A, an L and another A.”
“Oh,” she breathed as her heart surged. “One for each of the babies.”
He fingered an A and tilted it so the light glinted off the polished white stone set in the center. “When I was in Indonesia, I trained in a makeshift dirt ring. Oftentimes, when we sparred, we’d uncover rocks buried in the soil. I carried one in my pocket when I left in search of where I belonged. It was symbolic of what I hoped I’d find when I got to America. Myself, buried beneath the layers of damaged memories.”
Speechless, she stared at him as her pulse pounded.
“I had the jeweler cut and polish my stone. Each letter holds a fragment of it.” His gaze far away and troubled, he set the A swinging with a small tip of his finger. “If Vanessa had been carrying the babies, they would have died along with her.”
True. And horrifying. She’d never thought about her decision to be their surrogate in quite that way. When Vanessa had asked her, Caitlyn had agreed because she loved her sister, but honestly, the thought of getting to carry Antonio’s baby had tipped the scales. It had been a win-win in her book, but the reality had so much more positives wound up in that she couldn’t feel guilty about it any longer.
He bunched the chain in his fist and drew the covers back from her naked form. She was too emotional to do anything but watch. He knelt to lay his lips on her C-section scars for an eternity, and then his dark gaze swept upward to fixate on her. “My children are a piece of me that I never would have had without you. I cannot ever repay you for what you’ve given me. This is but a small token.”
Tears splashed down her face unchecked as Antonio leaned up to hook the chain around her neck. Everything inside swelled up and over, pouring out of her mouth.
“I love you,” she choked out.
She didn’t care if he didn’t say it back. Didn’t care if the timing was wrong. Didn’t care if it was only the emotion of the moment that had dragged it out of her. It was the pure honest truth, and she couldn’t have held back the tide of her feelings even with a dam the size of Asia.
His gaze flicked to hers and a wealth of emotions swam through his dark eyes. “I wish I could say the same. I’d like to. But it would be unfair.”
She nodded and a few more tears splashed down on the teal comforter she’d painstakingly selected. His heart still belonged to Vanessa. It was a poetic kind of justice for her sister. And for Caitlyn, truth be told.
“It’s okay. I’m not trying to pressure you. But I thought you should know how I feel.”
He gathered her close and held her as if he never planned to let go. “Yet another gift you’ve given me without expectation of anything in return. You’re an amazing woman, Caitlyn.”
She laid her cheek over the falcon and listened to his heartbeat. He just needed time to get over Vanessa. She’d help him get over her so that strong, beautiful heart could belong to Caitlyn forever. And then she’d be complete.
“Let’s go spend Christmas with our family,” Caitlyn suggested, and Antonio’s rumbled agreement vibrated against her cheek.
* * *
The day after Christmas, Antonio couldn’t stand his own company any longer and the only solution for his foul mood was to go to Falco. Without Caitlyn.
She sent him off with a kiss and nary a backward glance, as if she really had no clue he was about to lose his mind. Seemed as if he’d done a spectacular job keeping his doubts and trepidation to himself.
He had to do something different to regain his memories. It wasn’t fair to Caitlyn that she was stuck in a relationship with a man who had no concrete memories of his marriage and therefore no guideposts to help him move on.