She stared at him and pushed herself, trying to see his aura again. Using her new Power so much today was like straining muscles she'd never known she had. When she managed it once more, she flinched: Damon's aura had gotten darker as they talked, and was now a stormy gray shot with red and black, a sullen cloud thick around him. The blue had been swallowed by the darker colors.
"I can see your aura, Damon," she said. "I've got Power now. " Damon frowned. "It's dark, but there's still good in you. " Surely there must be. She didn't know if she could read it in his aura - she didn't know enough about auras yet; she needed to learn - but she knew Damon. He was complicated and selfish and mercurial, but there would always be good in him. "Please, come back to us. "
Damon's face was still turned away from her, his eyes fixed on something out in the darkness that Elena couldn't see. Sliding to her knees next to the log, Elena put her hands on his cheeks and turned his face toward her. The ground was freezing and there was a stone digging into her leg, but it didn't matter. "Please, Damon," she said. "You're the one doing this. It doesn't have to be this way. " He glared back at her mutely. "Damon," she said, her eyes stinging. "Please. "
Damon stood up abruptly, pushing her away, and Elena lost her balance, falling backward onto the hard ground. Scrambling up, she brushed herself off and grabbed the flashlight. "Fine," she said. "I'll go, if that's what you want. But listen to me. " She made an effort to soften her voice again. "Don't do anything you'll regret, no matter how angry you are at me. When you're ready, we'll be waiting for you. We love you. Stefan and I both love you. And it may not be the way you want me to care about you, but it's worth something. "
Damon's eyes glistened again in the flashlight's glow. She thought for a moment that he was going to speak, but he only stared at her, his face hard and defiant.
There wasn't anythi
ng left to say, really. "Good-bye, Damon," Elena said, and backed away a few paces before turning to find her way out of the forest.
There was a huge, hard mass of sobs building in her chest and she needed to get home before it overwhelmed her. If she started to cry now, she might never stop.
Chapter 15
Dear Diary,
I can't stop worrying about Damon.
Meredith and Bonnie have gone to the mountains in pursuit of the blessed white ash tree, and our room is too quiet. When I'm alone in here, the empty space fills up with thoughts of how angry and distant Damon seemed when I found him in the woods last night. His aura was so dark that it frightened me.
I haven't told Stefan yet about my Power leading me to Damon. I'm going to tell him, though, as soon as we're alone - I've learned my lesson at last about letting secrets come between us.
But Stefan's been so busy. He's pulling us all together: sparring with Meredith, researching with Alaric, and now that Zander's gone to the mountains with them and Bonnie, Stefan's been working with the Pack, too. He's determined to protect me from Klaus, to protect us all.
Wherever Klaus is, his plan is working - I'm always on edge now. I know he wants me to be afraid; he even told me so - but I can't stop myself from jumping at every shadow. Every day I get more frightened, and angrier at myself: I don't want to feel the way Klaus intends me to. But when I'm with Stefan, we can slide into our private world. Despite the danger that hovers near us, it's safe there. In Stefan's arms, I feel like maybe we can defeat Klaus. Sometimes I believe we can do anything, together. We can save ourselves, and save Damon, too, even if he doesn't want to be saved.
A knock came at the door of Elena's room, and she slipped her journal back under her mattress and ran to let Stefan in. He'd been with the Pack most of the day, since Zander and the others had left, and how much she'd missed him sank in as soon as she finally saw him.
His curly dark hair was hanging over his forehead and he had a streak of dried mud over one eye. "What's this?" Elena asked, brushing a finger across it.
Stefan grimaced. "Apparently being accepted by a werewolf Pack means they try to knock you down a lot," he told her. "Shay pushed me into a bush. "
Elena tried to keep a straight face, but she couldn't help giggling at the mental image, and Stefan's face lightened, too, the weary lines around his mouth disappearing.
"I think she's mad about Zander leaving town with Bonnie," Elena told him, and reached past him to close the door.
As soon as the door was shut, Stefan pulled her against him. He drew back Elena's hair and kissed her softly on the throat, just above her pulse point. She arched back, leaning into him as he wrapped his arms around her waist.
"Did you work the patrol routes out with the Pack in between wrestling matches?" she asked him. "Can we manage without the others until they get back?"
"Mmhm, I think so," Stefan answered, gently tracing her cheek with one finger, his eyes intent on her face. "I just wish that we had some idea where Klaus was," he went on, his voice growing somber. "He could be anywhere, ready to strike. "
"I know. " Elena shivered. "I feel like there's this black cloud hanging over us all the time. I just wish I could figure out all my Guardian Powers. If I'm going to have real Power, why won't they let me have it now? We're all in danger, and it's so frustrating knowing that I ought to be able to protect everyone, but I can't. "
"What about the evil you sensed in the woods yesterday?" Stefan asked. "Have you felt it since?"
Elena hesitated. Now was her chance. She'd promised herself she would tell Stefan what had happened as soon as they had a moment alone. But she didn't want to hurt him, didn't want to tell him how angry and distant his brother seemed. "I felt it again last night," she said finally, "but I don't feel it now. "
"You did?" Stefan asked. "Did you get more of an idea where it might be coming from?" When Elena still hesitated, he gently tipped her face up to look at him. "Elena, this is important. These feelings could be our first real clue as to where Klaus is. Is there something you're not telling me?"
Elena felt herself flinch, but Stefan just waited patiently, his mouth soft and serious. "What is it, love?" he asked.
"I followed it into the woods late last night," she told him, nervously fiddling with the bracelet on her arm. "I, um, I found the source. " With the feeling of jumping off a cliff, she told him, "It wasn't Klaus, or the Vitale vampires. It was Damon. "
"But you were sensing evil," Stefan said, sounding confused.