Ten minutes later, she walked back out with a towel wrapped around her body and one on her head. Somewhat embarrassed to be seen this way, she walked around to the side of the bed. He lay in the center, one arm lifted behind his head as he leisurely changed television channels with the other.
She stood in indecision for a moment but then he glanced at her and the look he seared her with produced an answering response low in her pelvis.
He turned off the TV and tossed the remote aside. Crooking his finger at her, he began patting the bed beside him.
She swallowed hard, wanting nothing more than to lie down beside him. “Is it safe?”
One side of his mouth tipped up. “I doubt it. But what exactly do you mean by that?”
She took a deep breath. “Well, I want to jump in the bed with you, but earlier it felt like we almost had sex without a condom—against my will.”
His expression darkened. “You weren’t in any danger.”
She lifted one eyebrow as she glanced down his body and saw his full-on erection pushing against the towel. “Kind of felt dangerous. There was a moment there—”
He came to his feet in a rush of movement. “There’s no question that when we get home, we’re going to talk about the baby thing.” He moved toward her as she took a step back. “But understand me when I say—you tell me to use a condom, I’m going to use a condom. You tell me to stop, I’m going to stop.”
She swallowed and dropped her eyes. “It didn’t feel like it for a moment.” Her eyes lifted to his once again. “You scared me.”
He wore a completely blank expression for a moment before a horrified thundercloud came over his features. “I scared you?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“Fuck, I’m sorry. I knew I pissed you off—I never meant to scare you.”
The look on his face was so remorseful that she almost felt sorry for him. “Why do you do that?”
“Do what?” he asked with a frown settling between his brows.
“Why do you go all crazy in a testosterone-filled rampage?”
“You talking about before? Before I put the condom on?”
“Yes, that, but other things as well.” Maybe she shouldn’t say all this stuff on their wedding day, but hell, the way he’d acted had given her the right as far as she was concerned. “You get so jealous, so quickly. You stamp your feet and stomp around like you’re a little kid and somebody’s about to take away your favorite toy.”
As she stopped speaking, he narrowed his eyes and took another step forward. Her heart sputtered as she recognized the conflagration of emotions staring back at her. Disbelief. Irritation, frustration, aggravation.
Spearing his hand through her hair, he tilted her face up to his. “Don’t you get it?”
She shook her head, barely able to move because of the strength of his hold.
His lips tightened. “Well, it’s something you’re gonna have to get used to. Because you’re my favorite toy, and nobody on this earth will ever take you away from me.”
Her heart began pounding as his eyes stared into hers with pure ownership. His favorite toy. He was so close she could see the striations of gold running through the middle of his otherwise dark brown eyes and they were doing a number on everything feminine inside of her.
“Jeff, you don’t have to be that way. I’m committed. I committed to this relationship this morning. I’m not going to do anything immoral—you don’t need to think of me as something you need to protect or worry about 24/7.”
“No?”
She shook her head. “No.”
“Then let’s have a baby.”
Christ! She’d known there was something to his earlier display. “I’m not ready to have a baby! I’ve got a baby! And I just inherited another kid this morning! I might never be ready to have another one. Maybe we should have had a serious talk before we got married.”
As she tried to get him to see reason, all she accomplished was turning his dark look even darker.
Chapter Eleven
Jeff was about to lose it. How the hell could he explain out loud what he really didn’t want to admit even to himself? That he was a fucked-up crazy guy who needed to pin her down every possible way he could manage. He couldn’t explain why, exactly. It was just something deep in his soul that he needed and it pissed him off that she kept heading him off at the pass.
Goddamn, she wouldn’t let him adopt Hannah. Okay, fine for now. But he had to admit that he’d gotten the crazy idea that binding her to him didn’t necessarily have to be through Hannah. It could be a baby they made together. Another baby would tie her to him just as well as adopting Hannah.
Not that he’d ever stop trying for adoption, but in the meantime, he’d just tie her down with a new baby.
Goddamn—it seemed like a damn fine plan to him. Of course, he wasn’t a total asshole. He’d never get her pregnant on purpose without her agreement. Would he? Fuck no, not after she’d used the goddamn D word on him. And he wouldn’t have done it anyway, right? No, he wouldn’t. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t be that guy, he had to draw the line somewhere.
So now he felt like his damn hands were tied and it purely pissed him off. He felt a measure of relief at having the marriage consummated, sure. That part was all good. But it wasn’t enough. If she trusted him, if she loved him, she’d let him adopt Hannah and then he’d have her good and truly and Hannah would be his real daughter to boot.
If she loved him. Yeah. That was it. That was the answer to all of his angst.
Somehow, someway, he had to make her fall in love with him. Shit, it wasn’t fair the way things were now. It wasn’t fair that he felt like his teeth and fingernails would be ripped out one by one if she decided she couldn’t hack it with him and packed up and left. Yeah, that was exactly the way it felt. Like someone would be ripping his fucking nails out one at a fucking time and then pouring battery acid over his wounds just for the fun of it.
What was it about her that made him want to lock her in the house and never let her leave? It had been that way damn near from the first time he’d seen her. And motherfucker—the Parker thing—when she’d been cleaning that asshole’s house he’d almost lost it.
But that was over, thank fuck. He’d put an end to that and right quickly.
Now all he needed to do was figure out how to make her fall in love with him. Surely, it wouldn’t be so terribly hard. He was fairly damn rich. He could buy her shit. She’d like that, right? He’d be nice to her kid as well. That would be pretty fucking easy though because Hannah was an angel child.
But those were the only ideas he had for making Janet fall in love with him. That’s all he could come up with, but it didn’t feel like enough.
But he damn sure knew one thing. Raging at her, holding her down and showing his assholery wouldn’t accomplish shit. He needed to start playing nice. He needed to show her that he could be a decent human being who wasn’t a jealous, controlling jackass.
But fuck, could he do it? Could he control the possessive, obsessive part of himself that seemed to dominate his personality whenever Janet was around? And why was this aspect of his personality only showing up now? He was thirty-six years old, and he’d never had to battle this internal demon before. So, what the fuck was wrong with him? Why was he going off the rails now?
He took a few deep breaths to calm his nerves. He needed to start anew and it needed to be now. So he tried to smile at her. He leaned down and gently kissed her forehead. “Look, I’m sorry. Of course it’s too soon to talk about more kids. I didn’t mean to upset you, sweetheart. There’s no excuse for the way I acted. None. I swear to God, I’ll never scare you like that again.”
And he hadn’t meant to upset her. God, no. He’d do damn near anything for her, so upsetting her wasn’t even in the queue.
She studied him silently for a moment while his nerves accelerated. “Okay,” she said softly, finally.
Thank God. Fuck, she was so fucking beautiful. So f
ucking sweet. And he needed to do everything in his power to keep her and make her happy. “You want to forget about this and go get some supper for now?” he offered optimistically.
She licked her lips and then dropped her eyes in that submissive way that made fire race through his veins. But he held back. He controlled it and when she nodded her head, he merely placed another kiss on her forehead. “Let’s get dressed, then.”
****