The horse didn’t seem to object, or maybe she sensed Bella’s fragile state because she walked carefully, picking her way over rough surfaces until she reached the sandy track that led into the desert.
A lizard scuttled across their path and Bella watched it with a lump in her throat, remembering the nights she and Zafiq had spent together staring up at the stars.
Talking. Laughing. Making love.
Was that why she was riding into the desert?
To torture herself with memories?
She’d grown to love the narrow, dusty streets of Al-Rafid with its colourful souks and high stone walls. She’d grown to love the stables and the friends she’d made. But most of all she loved Zafiq, in a way she hadn’t known it was possible to love another person. She wanted what was best for him and she could see that wasn’t her.
But could she carry on living here, and watch him marry? Could she watch him smile at another woman and lift another woman’s child in his arms?
‘It would be like falling on a cactus,’ she muttered to Amira, ‘and then getting up and doing it again. I’m not that much of a masochist. It would be easier to recover away from him.’
It wasn’t as if she didn’t have money now. Her father had cut off her allowance, but she didn’t need an allowance any more, did she? Zafiq paid his staff well and she’d been working too hard to spend any of the money she’d earned. As a result she had more than enough for a flight back to England.
Perhaps she’d go back to Balfour Manor and make her peace with her father. Then she’d go and get a job in a racing stable. Or maybe an eventing yard. Somewhere she could be part of a team and make a difference.
If she worked hard enough she wouldn’t have time to think about how much she was hurting inside.
Zafiq returned from the desert to find everyone in the stables electrified with anxiety.
‘Bella has not returned,’ Rachid reported as Zafiq led Batal out of the horsebox.
Having thought of nothing but Bella for the past two days, he felt colour streak across his cheeks. ‘Returned from where?’
‘The desert.’ Rachid filled the hay net and retreated to a safe distance from the stallion’s hooves. ‘She left the same day you did. She’s taken Amira into the desert. And the horses miss her. They keep putting their heads over the stable doors and calling for her.’
Feeling as though he was one step behind everyone else, Zafiq struggled to keep his tone patient. ‘You let her take Amira into the desert?’
‘She didn’t tell us where she was going and it was only when she was late arriving back from her ride that we found her note. It’s her final trip,’ Yousif said dismally. ‘She said she needed to go there one more time before she leaves us.’
‘She is alone?’ Zafiq felt the kind of fear he’d only felt once before—when he’d realised it was Bella on the back of his stallion. ‘You didn’t try and stop her? Do you have any idea how vulnerable she is out there? She knows nothing about surviving in the desert. Nothing!’
Rachid looked at him. ‘Has anyone ever managed to stop Bella doing what she wants? She rode Batal against everyone’s advice. She has a mind of her own, Zafiq.’
He knew that.
He knew all about the way Bella’s mind worked.
‘She is safe,’ Yousif said quietly. ‘She called us last night from a satellite phone, just to let us know she was OK. All she would say was that she was staying somewhere special. We think she’s probably at the Retreat but you know they never divulge the names of their guests. She’s probably making the most of her last few days. She said that she will miss us all,’ he said gloomily, ‘but nowhere near as much as we will miss her, Your Highness. She is the best groom I have ever had. How Amira will cope when she leaves, I do not know. I have four vets ready to care for her but I know she will pine dreadfully. The horses love Bella. Even the dogs love her.’