"Right, well, that's something else I wanted to tell you. I took that leap, too."
She blinked at him, then slowly sat down. "What?"
"The motel's just been sitting there, waiting to be renovated. My pet project going ignored, and I couldn't stand it. So Since the board didn't want it to be a division, so I set up my own corporation--DW Boutiques. The Winston Corporation is coming in as an investor, which is how I'm capitalizing it. But it's all on me. This fails, my name in this business is shit. My dad will probably stick me back in the mailroom."
Fire lit her eyes, and his heart swelled. "Derek, that's amazing. Congratulations."
"I can't do that, though," she continued, and he felt that flicker of hope fade into ash. "I don't have a safety net."
"Sure you do. You have me." He grinned. "I'll need a good real estate agent."
"That's only the net for if the business fails." A tear trickled down her cheek. "The truth is, I didn't even love Leo. It was my ego that was hurt, and my business, which really pissed me off. But if I go all in and then I lose you..."
She stood and started pacing. Again. And, dammit, he let his frustration get the better of him.
"For Christ's sake, Amanda, I love you. I love you enough to take a risk. To go out into the world with you at my side and to tell people that we belong together. That we're in this whole thing together, hamster wheel or highway. Don't you get it, baby? For me, it's all about you. I do," he whispered. "I really do love you."
Tears streamed down her face, and she hugged herself so tight her knuckles were white.
"Maybe I don't love you."
He shook his head. "That one's lame," he said. "I know you do."
A strangled laugh bubbled out of her. "Yes," she said simply. "I do." She licked her lips. "But maybe that's not what matters. I'm sorry, Derek," she blurted as she hurried for the door. "I really am, but I have to go."
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Chapter Thirteen
"I want him," Amanda said to Jenna as they sat in the back office of The Fix, just before the lunch crowd came in. Amanda had spent over twenty-four hours doing nothing but watching sappy movies and drinking wine, and contrary to pop culture, she hadn't figured a single thing out.
"I mean, I really do want him. I was even getting there on my own. And then he went and dumped everything on me without warning. I wasn't ready. But maybe I was on my way to getting ready."
"So tell him that."
Amanda sighed. "I thought I did. But I think he heard no."
And honestly, maybe she'd said no. He was mixing up the idea of a relationship--and the way he was describing it as a long highway all the way over the horizon sounded a whole lot like 'til death do us part. And to go from not even telling their friends--until this very moment--to side-by-side burial plots was a little too zero to sixty for her.
Or maybe she was just making excuses.
"Why am I making excuses?" she asked. "I mean, if I'm really ready--if I love him the way I'm supposed to--wouldn't I be ready to jump right in?"
Jenna shook her head. "Reece was full of excuses. But we're great now. Maybe you're just scared."
"I am," Amanda said. "I really am. That it won't work out. That my business will fail."
"Fail? Why?"
"I--" She threw up her hands. Because the truth was that she hadn't cocktailed her way to a lead or a client since she met Derek, and yet she had more clients than ever simply from the folks she'd met in his building.
"Oh, hell." Tears trickled down her face and she felt like an idiot. "If I never say yes, I can't be wrong."
Jenna frowned. "What?"
"That's it. I think that's what's holding me back." She twisted a strand of hair. "I thought I loved Leo--it wasn't love. It was lust. But they seemed the same at the time. I thought everything was fine, and then he just left. Boom. Everything I believed was wrong."
"So you're saying that maybe what you believe about Derek is wrong, too?"