Because there was shame along with it.
She'd taken him into her heart and her home. She'd let herself be charmed and seduced - and lied to and deceived. He'd stolen more than her money, she knew. He'd stolen her pride. And it was a shock to the system to realize, after all this time, that she didn't quite have it back. Not all of it.
She blessed the cool inside the building and rode the elevator to the third floor.
She was too frazzled and annoyed to fuss with her hair or check her makeup before she knocked. Instead she stood impatiently tapping her foot until the door opened.
He was as good-looking as the picture on the back of his books - several of which she'd read or skimmed through before arranging this meeting. He was, perhaps, a bit more rumpled in rolled-up shirtsleeves and jeans. But what she saw was a very long, very lanky individual with a pair of horn-rims sliding down a straight and narrow nose. Behind the lenses, bottle-green eyes seemed distracted. His hair was plentiful, in a tangle of peat-moss brown around a strong, sharp-boned face that showed a black bruise along the jaw.
The fact that he wasn't wearing any shoes made her feel hot and overdressed.
"Dr. Carnegie?"
"That's right. Ms. . . . Harper. I'm sorry. I lost track of time. Come in, please. And don't look at anything. " There was a quick, disarming smile. "Part of losing track means I didn't remember to pick up out here. So we'll go straight back to my office, where I can excuse any disorder in the name of the creative process. Can I get you anything?"
His voice was coastal southern, she noted. That easy drawl that turned vowels into warm liquid.
"I'll take something cold, whatever you've got. "
Of course, she looked as he scooted her through the living room. There were newspapers and books littering an enormous brown sofa, anothe
r pile of them along with a stubby white candle on a coffee table that looked as if it might have been Georgian. There was a basketball and a pair of high-tops so disreputable she doubted even her sons would lay claim to them in the middle of a gorgeous Turkish rug, and the biggest television screen she'd ever seen eating up an entire wall.
Though he was moving her quickly along, she caught sight of the kitchen. From the number of dishes on the counter, she assumed he'd recently had a party.
"I'm in the middle of a book," he explained. "And when I come up for air, domestic chores aren't a priority. My last cleaning team quit. Just like their predecessors. "
"I can't imagine why," she said with schooled civility as she stared at his office space.
There wasn't a clean surface to be seen, and the air reeked of cigar smoke. A dieffenbachia sat in a chipped pot on the windowsill, withering. Rising above the chaos of his desk was a flat-screen monitor and an ergonomic keyboard.
He cleaned off the chair, dumping everything unceremoniously on the floor. "Hang on one minute. "
As he dashed out, she lifted her brows at the half-eaten sandwich and glass of - maybe it was tea - among the debris on his desk. She was somewhat disappointed when with a crane of her neck she peered around to his monitor. His screen saver was up. But that, she supposed, was interesting enough, as it showed several cartoon figures playing basketball.
"I hope tea's all right," he said as he came back.
"That's fine, thank you. " She took the glass and hoped it had been washed sometime in the last decade. "Dr. Carnegie, you're killing that plant. "
"What plant?"
"The dieffenbachia in the window. "
"Oh? Oh. I didn't know I had a plant. " He gave it a baffled look. "Wonder where that came from? It doesn't look very healthy, does it?"
He picked it up, and she saw, with horror, that he intended to dump it in the overflowing wastebasket beside his desk.
"For God's sake, don't just throw it out. Would you bury your cat alive?"
"I don't have a cat. "
"Just give it to me. " She rose, grabbed the pot out of his hand. "It's dying of thirst and heat, and it's rootbound. This soil's hard as a brick. "
She set it beside her chair and sat again. "I'll take care of it," she said, and her legs were an angry slash as she crossed them. "Dr. Carnegie - "
"Mitch. If you're going to take my plant, you ought to call me Mitch. "
"As I explained when I contacted you, I'm interested in contracting for a thorough genealogy of my family, with an interest in gathering information on a specific person. "