“I am done with Hugo and his kind. ”
“But where would you go?”
“There are places for such like me. ”
I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. “So you’re saying I wouldn’t see you again? Ever?”
He gave a solemn shake to his head. “You will not be bothered by me again. ”
It felt like the floor dropped from under me. But I made myself stand tall. I made myself consider it. I had to let my mind go there. I’d said I wanted to break the bond. This had been my idea.
Practical considerations occurred to me. “How would you, you know, feed?” If Carden was nothing to me, then why did my head fill with a flurry of random worries? His safety, his feeding.
He gave me a flat look, and I put up my hand, aghast. “Oh no, never mind. I take it back. Don’t answer that. ” The thought was too unbearable. Him with another girl. And Carden was charming and handsome—if we parted, there would be other girls.
If severing from him was really what I wanted, then why did the prospect make my heart hurt worse than any ache I’d known these past days?
I pictured being alone again. Carden cared for me—it was the first time since my mother that someone cared enough to put me before anyone else. Could I let that go? Let him go?
Something in his eyes shuttered, closing from me. “I apologize for the trouble this has caused you. In the past, I have blamed you for our situation, but you had no way of knowing. You came to me an innocent, and the blame lies solely on me. ” His attitude became businesslike. “You will find the severing difficult. There will be days hence of pain, but you are strong and will bear it as you have borne so much else. Be on your guard against all who would harm you. You will survive our parting—”
“No,” I cut him off. The thought of losing him, just the thought of him leaving this room, made my gut clench. I knew what I wanted now—the truth of it rang through me. I tried to remember why I hadn’t wanted to be bonded to him.
I feared the vampires, but how could I fear the one who’d given me honesty? How could I not trust the one who’d made me smile? Who wanted to protect me. Whose honor made creatures like Alcántara scoff. Now that I knew Carden better, all my old hesitations seemed mistaken. The wrong answer to the right question.
“No, Carden. ” I leapt into his arms as I’d been longing to do, and his low laugh reverberated through me. “No. I don’t want to sever the bond. ”
I squeezed him harder. I didn’t want to break from him. Carden had become comfort when I needed it. Ease where I had none. The long-dreamed-of man who smiled just for me.
He shifted, tucking my arm in his, and his broad smile told me I had indeed considered well. “Then come with me. Just for a short time. ”
Was such a thing truly possible? Could I have someone who cared for me? Someone to sneak off with and share secrets and kisses? It had the whiff of hope, and I didn’t believe in hope. Hope died with my mother—the last person who’d cared about me.
I pushed away from him, my shoulders slumped. “I shouldn’t. I can’t. We’re in lockdown. ”
“I told you. I can’t get in trouble. ”
“But I can. ”
“I’ll allow no harm to come to you. Ever. ” He reached for my hand. “Come. I need you close. I want you close. I mustn’t be discovered here, which means it’s time to go. I’ll have you by my side now, as much as I can. I will protect you. ”
My pulse was throbbing a drumbeat. …Carden. Carden. Carden. I could go with him. We could be alone together. He said he’d protect me—nobody had ever wanted to protect me. “I want to”—oh God, he was so close—“but I’m afraid. ” And getting caught wasn’t what scared me.
“Come,” he whispered again, sliding his hand in mine. He gave me a wicked smile. “Or I will wake the dorm. ”
Suddenly, schoolgirl nerves overtook me. What would he do? What would happen? “Why should I go?” Even as I asked it, my body clamored the answer. The pulse was deep in my belly, in my skull, my chest—my whole body pounding my decision.
He twined my fingers with his. “Because you want to. ” His voice was deep and hushed, resonating into my core.
He was right. I looked at him, really looked at him. My want for Carden had grown deeper even than this need, more powerful than thirst.
“Please,” he whispered.
I trusted him. I liked him. I wanted to be close to him.
What else mattered anymore?
But there was something else. “Why me?” I asked in a voice no louder than my breath. I wanted to sneak away with him—now that I’d made my decision, I wanted it so badly. But I couldn’t see why he’d want someone like me. “Is it just the bond that makes you want this?”