201
to tell me that Josh killed this guy? Is that what you're saying?"
Noelle lifted her shoulders. "I'm just telling you what I know."
"Well, if he killed some guy, he wouldn't just be kicked out of school," I told her defiantly. "He would be in prison, right? Or do you people not go to prison?"
"Reed, calm down," she said. "I told you, they weren't able to prove--"
"No! I don't believe you! Why the hell are you doing this?" I blabbered. "Do you not want me to be happy for some reason? Do you just get off on seeing me miserable? Why are you lying to me?!"
"I'm not lying to you," Noelle said with an incredible calm. "I wouldn't lie to you."
"Right. Because you've never done it before," I said sarcastically.
Noelle stood up slowly. "Reed, I told you that was over. I told you that you could trust us now."
"Consider the source," I spat.
Noelle's eyes flashed. She was seething at that one, I could tell. But she took a deep breath and shook her hair back.
"Fine. I suppose I deserved that," she said finally. "If you don't believe me, research it yourself. It was all over the news. Or just ask the guy, see what he says. It's up to you."
"Fine! Maybe I will," I said.
"Fine." Noelle took a deep breath. "I think I'll go now."
"Good."
202
She turned slowly and walked to the door. She paused with her hand on the knob, gazing at me over one shoulder, her thick, lustrous hair tumbling down her back. She looked as beatific as a Renaissance angel. "I'm just trying to protect you, Reed. That's all."
203
SEARCH AND DESTROY
Josh's pen tap, tap, tapped against the tabletop as he scanned his essay for Spanish, reading it over for mistakes. He chewed on his bottom lip and tap, tap, tapped. The white collar of his rugby shirt had a small, nonspecific stain right near the left point. For some reason, I couldn't stop staring at it. Tap. Tap. Tap, tap, tap.
I could ask him, right? Just ask him. How long had he been going to Easton? Seemed like an innocent enough question. Why couldn't I just get myself to ask him?
Suddenly Josh looked up. "What?"
"Nothing."
I trained my eyes on my book quickly, but not before noticing that his pupils were really tiny today. Were they always changing size like that?
He slapped the paper down and I flinched. "This isn't making any sense. I need sugar." He pushed back from the table in the library and fished a dollar out of his messenger bag, then closed it backup. "Wantanything?"
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I smiled briefly. "No. I'm good."
"Be right back," he said distractedly.
He walked off and disappeared around the stacks. I stared at his bag. Every inch of me trembled. All I had to do was grab it. It would take all of five seconds to search the thing. I could do it, no problem. If I could stop trembling.
I glanced left. The Dreck boys who were always at the next table had their noses buried in their books. I could hear some angry guitar screaming from the earbuds of one of their iPods. They didn't even know the rest of the world existed, let alone that I did. No one would ever know.