"Not everyone has to go through a psych eval before being admitted to Easton," Noelle said. "You have to be a real. . . special case."
Natasha stepped up behind me to read over my shoulder. My vision blurring, I turned to the first page. The paragraphs were long and filled with jargon I did not understand, but certain phrases popped out at me.
"Seems to have accepted death of friend Connor Marklin . . . becomes truculent and withdrawn when asked to talk about the state in which roommate Connor was found and how it made him feel. . . refuses to discuss sessions in which he was questioned by police . . . grows agitated and borderline violent when asked if he had anything to do with death of Connor Marklin ..."
I swallowed hard. This couldn't be right. It couldn't be real. There was just no way. My insides were crumbling in on themselves. I found myself sitting without knowing how I'd gotten there. Numb, I flipped a few pages and stopped on an entry from late August.
"Responding well to new medications . . . mood swings under control. . . expresses genuine excitement about prospect of starting at Easton and rooming with his friend, Thomas Pearson ..."
"Oh my God." The document dropped from my hands.
214
"Where did you get this?" Natasha asked, bending to retrieve the evaluation. She slipped it back into its envelope and held it in both hands.
"Turns out doctor-patient confidentiality does not apply to everyone," Noelle said. "I'm sure the police have already memorized that particular document."
"We just want you to be careful, Reed. That's all," Ariana said, her southern accent softening her words. "It's not just a rumor. It's solid fact."
I trembled as I looked up at them. The three of them. Standing over me all concerned. Like I was a mental patient. My brain still refused to accept what I had just read. It felt like it was expanding, trying to fill my skull to keep me from fully processing the words.
"The only solid fact that I can see ... is that Josh Hollis is really unlucky," I said, my voice surprisingly clear.
"Reed--"
"No. I am not going to sit here and let you try to twist everything," I said, standing. My hands were rock-solid fists at my sides. "I won't let you do this."
"What about the meds?" Noelle said. "How do you explain that?"
"So he's got a chemical imbalance. That's hardly gonna make headlines. Every other person I know is on Ritalin or Prozac."
"Yes, but he lied about it, didn't he?" Ariana said. "Why would he lie?"
"If you were on all that stuff, would you advertise it?" I demanded.
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"I wouldn't," Natasha said.
Noelle and Ariana were silent and it buoyed me. I felt better. I did. My logic was actually logical. But it wasn't enough. I turned on my heel and walked out of the room.
"Where are you going?" Noelle shouted after me. "Reed! We need to talk about this."
It took every ounce of self-control I had in me, but I kept walking.
216
DEFIANCE
I needed to hear it from Josh. I needed him to tell me the story of what had happened to him last year. If I didn't hear it from his lips, I would always be wondering. And I couldn't have that uncertainty. Not again. I needed something to be certain.
/> I walked into my room and grabbed my cell phone from my bag.
"What are you doing?" Natasha asked, closing the door behind us.
"I'm calling him."
My palms were sweating and I could hardly breathe. I stuffed my left hand under my arm and held it there to keep it from quaking.