No. He wanted to scream it. But he couldn’t speak, couldn’t think around the roaring in his head. The question was too big to answer and too big to not answer.
She didn’t wait for him to figure it out.
“So as long as I’m convenient, I’m allowed to stick around and sleep in your bed. I get it.” Her mouth firmed into a flat line that conveyed exactly how disappointing she found this whole conversation. “This is still about how your marriage affects your merger plans. If I outlive my usefulness, then I get the ax. Even after last night...and this morning.”
Last night, when he’d held her close and breathed in her scent and it was every bit as wonderful as he’d remembered.
Something hitched in his chest as he saw very clearly what she’d hoped they were discussing. That their marriage could become real in every sense. Emotionally and physically. Her feelings were all over her face and glinting from her gaze. It sucked at him, encouraging him to spill things from his own heart. Things that shouldn’t be there because they led to bad decisions.
The pain behind his rib cage intensified. He had to shut down her hopes for anything more than the business arrangement they’d agreed to. “What else would you expect our marriage to be about?”
A shutter dropped over her expression and she looked away. “Nothing. Sounds great. Glad we talked. Let me know when you decide what’s happening with our marriage. I’m going to take a shower.”
Wordlessly, he watched her flee the bed. He knew he’d upset her, but he lacked the ability to fix it. And it hurt. He didn’t like disappointing her and he didn’t like not knowing what she might do about it. Would she leave him? That thought scared him more than the idea of staying married forever.
Yep. This was definitely a real marriage now, for better or worse.
* * *
Meredith didn’t bring up the subject of marriage again. Neither did she speak to him in more than monosyllables for the remainder of the weekend. She didn’t even say goodbye when he left for the office Monday morning.
Three days into this marriage that never should have happened and it was already a disaster. Twice during the course of the morning, he reached for the phone to call her and broach the subject of their divorce and stopped.
What would he say? He definitely didn’t want a divorce. But he wasn’t prepared to articulate why, even to himself. Though his brain had no problem reminding him constantly that if they got divorced, she might find someone else, and he couldn’t stomach the image of another man’s hands on Meredith.
On the flip side, he was equally unprepared to hear all of Meredith’s terms for a real marriage. How was he supposed to have a normal relationship? Lynhurst DNA laced his chromosomes, which apparently rendered males senseless when they got around a woman who was hot for them.
But he and Meredith couldn’t stay in limbo forever. They’d have to talk about it eventually.
It took the company grapevine about thirty minutes to send the news around that Jason Lynhurst had gotten married and his new wife had been working for Hurst. People dropped by all day to congratulate him, which he accepted with sincere thanks.
They didn’t have to know there might be a divorce on the horizon. Or there might not be.
The one person he didn’t talk to was Meredith.
He kept expecting her name to pop up on his phone, maybe with a sexy text message or a suggestion that he come home for lunch. Not that he’d been fantasizing about that or anything.
He watched the clock until after one and cursed when he realized he’d been hoping she’d at least take two minutes to let him know she was okay. Or what she’d done all day to keep herself occupied while he was at work.
She didn’t. He tried not to think about her during the interminably long day, but failed. Miserably. Her feelings were probably still hurt, and being responsible for that dug at him worse than not talking to her.
At five after five, he couldn’t stand the silence and he couldn’t stand any more brooding about it. This was ridiculous. At the very least, he and Meredith were going to be married for a few more weeks. They couldn’t go on like this.
He went straight home, irritation just this side of boiling over, and it made him even angrier that he had no good reason to be mad. When he stormed into the loft, she was standing in the foyer, filling his house with her presence, and it hit him in the gut. His temper drained away.
“Hey,” he croaked and cleared his throat.
She was so lush and beautiful and he loved that he could come home to her. She lived with him because she’d chosen to. Why that mattered, he had no clue. But it did.
“Hey,” she returned coolly, her smile strained. “I was going out. Hope you don’t mind.”