True statement. Or at least it used to be. Somewhere along the way, things had changed. And he didn’t like that, either. She’d mixed up his plans with her unwanted declarations and sweet personality and amazing insight into...everything.
“Jason.” She paused, her chest heaving. “Being in love has far more advantages than your ‘marriage is a tool’ spiel.”
“Not for me,” he countered. “Love destroyed everything I’ve ever worked for. I don’t believe in it. Don’t believe it can last, don’t believe someone can make a lifelong decision so quickly about whether a person will stick with you forever.”
That went for both of them—how could she possibly trust him with her heart after all of this? He wasn’t a good bet for a relationship.
Disappointment pulled at her mouth. “Nothing that’s happened in the last couple of weeks challenges that?”
Everything that had happened in the past couple of weeks challenged him. He’d tried avoiding it, tried keeping things on an even keel, bargained, flung out off-the-cuff counteroffers. None of it had worked to keep this woman out of his arms or out of his heart.
And it kind of made him wonder whether that had actually been his goal. “I’ve never made a secret out of what I hoped to achieve from this marriage.”
“Well, guess what? Sometimes you don’t get what you pay for. And sometimes you do,” she countered cryptically. “Do you want to know what I wanted to get out of this marriage?”
“A divorce. You’ve been very clear.”
And he’d done everything in his power to stop that from happening. He didn’t want to let her go and he pretended it was about the merger, when in reality, it was about avoiding what was happening between them so he didn’t have to face his shortcomings. If this marriage morphed into a love affair, he’d have to be a better, different man than his father. What if he couldn’t do it?
“No. I hoped to find out who I’m going to be when I grow up.”
The memory blazed through him instantly—that first night together, in his hotel room. After she’d turned his world into a wicked den of hedonistic pleasure, they’d lain draped across his bed. The scent of her perfume had emanated from his sheets and lingered on his skin. She’d pillowed her head on his stomach, gloriously, unashamedly naked, and told him being a grown-up scared her because she didn’t know who she was going to be.
But that had been two years ago.
Puzzled at her deliberate reference to Las Vegas, he asked, “That was what the Grown-Up Pact was about. Don’t you already know?”
“I didn’t. Not for a long time. But I finally figured it out.” She contemplated him for a long moment. “I’m curious about something. You cooked up this plan to fix the broken company in Vegas, right?” When he nodded, she continued. “Say you become the CEO like you’ve envisioned and you start your merger plans. Voilà! Lynhurst Enterprises is reunited. Then what?”
What did this have to do with what she wanted to be when she grew up? “What do you mean, then what? Everything will be like it was.”
“What’s so great about that? Did the two halves complement each other? Have they struggled apart? What are you going to do with the reunited halves to prove to everyone that you had the right idea all along?”
Speechless, he stared at her. Because he had no answer. He and Avery had talked about launching a new line, but the intent was to drum up buzz and goodwill for the newly formed company. Past that, he’d done nothing to strategize or determine the best path forward.
Because he’d been too busy strategizing how to best use his marriage to keep Meredith in his arms. She’d messed him up more than he’d realized.
Her smile softened his shock. “See? You haven’t figured it out, either. These are the same kinds of questions you asked me about why wedding dresses and it helped me think through what I’m doing with my life. We need each other. I love you, but I have no idea how to be married. No idea what it means for either of us or the dreams we’ve talked about. Let’s figure out what being a grown-up means. Together. Don’t walk away this time.”
There was that word again. Love. It was no longer a nebulous concept he’d grown to hate because it had been Paul’s excuse for all his selfish moves two years ago. But what was it, if not that?
Confusion kicked up his temper, burning at the base of his throat. Everything had come to a head in an instant. There was no more leverage, no more excuses, just a woman freely offering her love. What if he accepted it? Would he be like his father, eventually sacrificing the good of Lynhurst Enterprises for his wife?