over. As if my skin, my muscles, my bones, had all turned to dust.

"Damn, girl. That took guts," Shane said in my ear.

"But it wasn't enough," I said quietly, the realization seeping into my veins like poison. "Nothing's

ever going to be enough."

202

* * *

After Noelle's nonreaction to my speech, all I really wanted to do was retreat to Pemberly and

sleep, but Headmaster Cromwell had made it clear this was a mandatory event, so I was in it for

the long haul. I sat through coffee and dessert without touching a thing, but no one noticed my

dejected state. Because after a few polite bites were taken, the student body got down to the real

business of the night--hunting for their gifts. Once a few sophomore girls got up and ventured

tentatively toward the tree, half the room was out of their seats and clamoring for their presents.

Suddenly I felt the mildest sizzle of excitement. The night wasn't over yet. I stood up as the rest of

my table emptied, trying to keep an eye on Josh. Unfortunately, it took about two seconds for me

to lose him in the mayhem.

"Reed? Aren't you coming?" Diana asked me as she pushed her chair in.

203

"Nah. I think I'll wait out the rush," I told her.

In truth, I had almost zero interest in finding my gift. Aside from a very select few, most of the

people on this campus had been shunning me for days. What if whoever had drawn my name had

gotten me some kind of gag gift? Like a box full of coal or a dead rat or something. I wasn't sure I'd

be able to handle that with any kind of grace.

So instead, I sat back and watched. I watched as people tore through designer paper and whipped

open gift boxes. Watched as the girls draped ribbons around one another's shoulders and oohed

and aahed over their gifts. I saw quite a few pairs of leather gloves, cashmere scarves, sparkly

earrings, and Dooney & Bourke bags. There were also a few creative and fun gifts. A sleek remote-

control helicopter that was soon winging its way around the room, threatening to take out the

lights. An alarm clock that wouldn't break or stop beeping even if hurled across the room, a claim

which was immediately tested by its new owner. One girl screeched so loudly when she opened

her gift--a pair of front-row tickets to some sold-out concert--that everyone stopped for a minute

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