“In a place like Afghanistan, if you don’t learn to cook, you starve,” he returned.
It was rare for him to mention his military stint, and it occurred to her that she typically shied away from the subject because it held so many negative associations. For her, at least. He might feel differently about the thing that had taken him away from her, and she was suddenly curious about it.
“Did you enjoy being in the military?”
He glanced up, his expression shuttered all at once. “It was a part of me. And now it’s not.”
Okay, message received. He didn’t want to talk about that. Which was fine. Neither did she.
“I’m at a stopping point,” he said, his tone a little lighter. “Let’s put the girls to bed.”
Though she suspected it was merely a diversion, she nodded and followed him through the mysterious ritual of bedtime. It was over before she’d fully immersed herself in the moment. They changed the girls’ diapers, changed their outfits, put them down on their backs and left the room.
“That was it?” she whispered as she and Kyle took the back stairs to the kitchen.
“Yep. Sometimes Hadley rocks them if they don’t go to sleep right away, but she says not to do that too much, or they’ll get used to it, and we’ll be doing it until they go to college.” He waved the mobile video monitor in his hand. “I watch and listen using this and if they fuss, I come running. Not much more to it.”
They emerged into the kitchen, where the tangy scent of the salad dressing greeted them. Kyle set the monitor on the counter on his way to the area where he’d been preparing dinner.
He’d clearly been asking Hadley questions and soaking up her baby knowledge. Much more so than Grace would have given him credit for. “You’re taking fatherhood very seriously.”
He halted and whirled so fast that she smacked into his chest. But he didn’t step back. “What’s it going to take to convince you that I’m in this for the long haul?”
Blinking, she stared up into his green eyes as they cut through her. Condemning her. Uncertain all of a sudden, she tried to take a step back, but he didn’t let her. His hands shot out to grip her elbows, hauling her back into place. Into his space. A hairbreadth from the cut torso she’d felt under her fingers earlier today.
“What will it take, Grace?” he murmured. “You say something like that and it makes me think you’re surprised that I’m ready, willing and able to take care of my daughters. Still surprised, after all I’ve done and learned. After I’ve become gainfully employed. After I’ve shown you my commitment in site visits like you asked. This isn’t about me anymore. It’s about you. Why is this all so hard for you to believe?”
“Because, Kyle!” she burst out. “You’ve been gone. You didn’t come home when Liam called you about the babies. Is it so difficult to fathom that I might have questions about your intentions? You just said the military was a part of you. What if you wake up one day and want to join up again? Those girls will suffer.”
I’d suffer.
Where had that come from? She tried to shake it off, but as they stood there in the kitchen of Wade House with his masculinity pouring over her like a hot wind from the south, the emotions welled up again and she cursed herself. Cursed the truth.
Sometime between his coming home and now, she’d opened her heart again. Just a little. She’d tried to stop, tried asking for space, but the honest truth was that she’d never gotten over him because she still had feelings for him. And it had only taken one kiss to awaken them again, no matter how much she’d tried to lie to herself about it. Otherwise, that scene with Emma Jane would have rolled right off like water from a duck’s back.
And she didn’t trust him not to hurt her again. It was a terrible place to be stuck.
“Grace,” he murmured. “I’m here. For good. I didn’t get Liam’s messages, or I would have been back earlier. You’ve got me cast in your head as someone with my sights set on the horizon, but that’s not true. I want to live my life in Royal, at least until my daughters are grown.”
He wasn’t aiming to leave the moment he changed his mind. He was telling the truth; she could see it in his eyes. Maybe she wasn’t such a bad judge of character after all. Maybe she could let her guard down. Just a little.
The tightness in her throat relaxed and she took the first easy breath since smacking into him. “Okay. I’ll shut up about it.”