My breath slammed from my chest when I saw a familiar glint of metal. “Tick tock,” I whispered automatically as my old pocket watch came into view. I swallowed, fighting the lump in my throat as Dolly’s breathing changed from quiet to fast and loud. Her eyes were once again on me. I took the watch from her palm and, like I had always done, held it up to my ear and tapped the top. “We’re gonna be late, Dolly darlin’. We’re gonna be late.” Her head turned toward me, tilting slightly. “Follow me down the rabbit hole, Alice.”
I ran down the stairs to where the end of the rope dangled, and I took hold of it. Dolly’s chair balanced on the edge of the hole above. I stared at her, my living doll, sitting frozen . . . until she glanced down. And just for a second, the merest hint of time, I saw her behind her eyes. The girl who was my entire life.
Dolly.
I yanked gently on the rope, and her thin body fell forward, plummeting down the hole and into my arms. The wooden chair crashed to the floor, the legs snapping off. I winced when I held her to my chest. I breathed heavily through my nose at her nearness. My head urged to me to drop her. To push her away.
She was close. So close against me. Her head was tucked into my neck, and I felt her warm breath against my skin. Shivers ran down my spine, so strong that I had to hold back a hiss. I breathed through the discomfort her touch caused.
It’s Dolly, Rabbit. She isn’t a threat. She’s your world.
She weighed nothing in my arms. Her smell wrapped around me.
Roses.
Roses.
Roses.
Then she moved . . .
I held still as her head tipped back and I saw her face. My heart flipped in my chest when she blinked. Once, twice, three times, as though waking from a deep sleep. Her once pale cheeks were tinged with pink. Her lips were pouting in the way Dolly’s lips always pouted.
Her eyes raked around the room, exploring all around us and up to the hole through which she had just fallen. A low gasp left her throat, then she slowly turned her face to mine. I held my breath as her blue eyes—no longer dull, but bright—looked into mine.
She rubbed at her eyes, clearing the sleep from them. When her hand dropped, her mouth opened into a small “o”. She swallowed, never moving her gaze from mine, then she whispered dryly, “R-Rab . . . Rabbit?”
My eyes closed as the name left her mouth. Her voice, beneath the hoarseness, was just as sweet and soft as it had always been.
But gone was her Texas accent. In its place was her “tea party” accent. English. My Dolly had returned to me with a perfect English accent.
“Dolly darlin’.” My voice was low and cut and fucking breaking.
She stilled, and a wide smile pulled on her mouth, the pink lipstick shining on her cracked lips. “Rabbit,” she said again, her voice still raw. “My Rabbit. My silly Rabbit. Come back for me.” The minute the words were out of her mouth, the smile fell from her face just as quickly as she had tumbled down the hole.
“What is it, darlin’?” I asked, holding her closer. I wanted to push my hand through her hair. I wanted to kiss her head like I had done as a child. But . . . but I just . . . couldn’t. Holding her this close was already causing me too much fucking pain.
But it was pain I’d take, for her.
“I was trapped, Rabbit,” Dolly said, pulling my attention back to her. She had always commanded every part of me just by speaking, touching . . . breathing.
Tears built in her eyes, her long dark lashes fluttering to stem the drops from falling. It didn’t work. “I was locked in a room full of doors, Rabbit, and I couldn’t get out.” Her breathing hitched. She shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut. “There were so many doors, and the room was dark. I tried every knob, but none would open.” A pause. “Then the one that I had to leave through was too small and I was too big.” Her eyes opened and slammed into mine. “I was stuck, Rabbit. For so long.” Her bottom lip trembled, fucking eviscerating my heart and draining the blackness from my soul.
Light. She had always been the only light that ever got in.
“I was waiting for you, Rabbit. For so, so long.” She shivered, goosebumps covering her scarred skin. “It was so cold and dark in there . . . but I waited, just like you told me to, huddled in the corner of the room. It was cold and damp, and the noises from outside made me afraid, but I tried to stay strong. Strong for you.” She hiccupped. “Tick tock, Rabbit. Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock. So many tick-tocks until you came back for me. It made me sadder and sadder each day that you did not come.”