“Let me take care of him, Dirk.” Josh reached for the reins.
“You sure?” I asked, never wanting to take advantage of Josh or Steve. Just because I owned this ranch didn’t mean these guys were here to serve me.
He winked. “I’m sure. Spend some time with your mother.”
With a quick nod, I turned and walked over to where my mother was inspecting some of the sheep.
“Once you go back to riding, the boys and I will need some extra help. I won’t let this ranch go under—it wouldn’t be what your father wanted.”
My stomach jerked at the mention of my dad. “It won’t go under, because I’ll be here.”
Her eyes went wide as she turned to look at me. I leaned against the fence with my arms crossed, waiting for her to question me. I had decided the day after my father died that I would be taking off the rest of this year from the PBR—if not longer—and focusing on the ranch and helping my mother.
“What do you mean, Dirk?”
“I mean exactly what I said. I should have been home instead of out messing around on those bulls. My priorities weren’t straight, but they are now. I’m here, Mom. I’ll take over where Dad left off.”
Her hands went to her hips, and she gave me that look she had perfected when I was a little boy. The one that said I was about to get a serious talking to. “That is the last thing your father would have wanted you to do, son. He wanted you to follow your dreams. He never once asked you to give any of them up for the ranch.”
“That’s the problem—he never felt like he could ask. He worried I would resent him, so he never spoke up. He needed me here. If I had been here that day instead of bull riding, he might be alive right now.”
A look of horror crossed her face, and her hand came up to her mouth. Then, after a few moments, she dropped her hand to her side. “Do not for one minute think that would have made a difference! It was an accident, sweetheart. That’s all. It wasn’t your daddy’s fault; it wasn’t your fault or mine. It was an accident, Dirk.”
The last thing I wanted to do was get my mother upset, and I could see this conversation would do just that. “Okay, Mom. I’m sorry I got you upset.”
She closed her eyes and drew in a few deep breaths. “Let’s talk about this later, okay?”
She didn’t need to know it was already a done deal. “Okay.”
“Lori is coming over today. We’re going to be doing some canning.”
The mention of Merit’s mother had me pushing off the fence and turning to face my mom. “Is Merit coming, too?”
She smiled, and I knew what that smile meant. Nothing would make my mother, or Lori, happier than to see me and Merit get together. I swear, the two of them started planning a wedding between us the moment we were born.
“No. Would you like for me to ask her to come over?”
The last thing I wanted to do was raise my mother’s suspicions by telling her I didn’t want to see Merit. She didn’t need to know that every time I saw Merit lately, I ached from the inside out. That my feelings for her confused me, and I wasn’t even sure how she really felt about me. It seemed like every time I saw her, her eyes grew emptier. The void there seemed to be getting larger, and I didn’t know what to do.
Ever since she’d overheard me telling Brock I didn’t want to have a relationship with her, she had avoided me like the plague. And all Kaylee kept doing was reminding me of how much Merit perked up when I was around and how she couldn’t keep her eyes off of me. The woman needed to mind her own damn business.
Being around Merit right now was messing with my head, and I needed to be thinking clearly.
“It doesn’t make a difference to me, Mom. I’ll be heading over to Ty and Kaylee’s today. Ty needs some help fixing a fence on the backside of their property, and Tanner and Brock are busy on the ranch today.”
With her bubble deflated, she replied, “Well, I’m sure Lori would have loved to see you. She mentioned Merit hasn’t been herself the last couple of months. Very distant, and seems to be lost in her own thoughts.”
That piqued my curiosity. My mother was the third person now who had said that. I couldn’t help but think that it had been two months since that night. “Really? Is everything okay with the farm?”
“I think so. Lori thinks Merit’s thinking about her own daddy. You know Lori filed for divorce?”
I frowned. “No, I didn’t know that.”