I searched the area with my eyes. No Dirk anywhere. I sighed and walked up to each stall and peered inside.
Nothing.
I glanced over at the steps that led to the top of the barn. I knew there was a room up there that Dirk had begged his father to put in years ago. A place for him and Brock to hang out. At one point it held a TV and a gaming console—that is, until the boys discovered bull riding.
Focusing on the steps, I started to climb. One step at a time, each creak of the wood growing louder than the last.
When I got up to the top, I saw the stacks of hay off to one corner. The other side had various items stored up there. Mostly winter things, tucked away until they’d need to be taken out once more when summer ended.
I swung around in a circle before I let my gaze fall on the door.
“Why couldn’t she have called Brock,” I whispered to myself, recalling Kimberley’s panicked call earlier.
Dirk had been on a bender. Drunk for at least three days. I had to admit I wondered if it had anything to do with Kaylee and Ty’s new baby girl. But then Kimberley told me that Dirk had been getting lost in the whiskey pretty much since Brad’s death. Though this was the worst she’d seen him.
With a trembling hand, I knocked.
Two cold, hard words came from the other side of the door. “Go. Away.”
I moved my hand to the knob and turned it slowly, drawing in a deep breath. I needed to steel myself for seeing him.
The door opened slightly, and I pushed it harder so I could see into the room. The smell of alcohol was even greater in here. I nearly gagged but managed to keep it at bay as I stepped inside. One quick inventory of the place showed me all I needed to know.
Bottles of whiskey were everywhere. Some half drank, some emptied. The bed was unmade, and bags of take-out food littered the small table that had been placed in the middle of the room. At least he was eating, so that was promising. How he had gotten the food was another matter.
Then, I saw him. He had pulled a chair over to the large window and was sitting in front of it. It offered a view of the Bitterroot Mountains. Today it was misting rain and the mountain peaks were covered in fog. The only thing Dirk could possibly see were clouds.
“Dirk?” I asked softly and noticed his body jerk.
Clearly, he wasn’t happy to know it was me and not his mother. “Go away, Merit.”
I swallowed hard. There was something in his voice. Hurt, sadness, anger. It all wrapped around a hoarse voice that clearly hadn’t spoken in a few days. With the exception of telling his mother to leave him alone.
“Your mother is worried about you, Dirk. Do you think it’s wise to…to cause her this stress right now?”
He didn’t move for a moment or two, and then he replied. “Tell her I’m fine. I want to be left alone.”
I swallowed hard. What had happened to throw him into such a state? As much as I didn’t want to ask it, I forced the question out. “Are you upset that Kaylee had a baby?”
That made him turn and look at me. “What?” he asked, honestly shocked by my question.
“It’s odd that you would lock yourself away and drink yourself silly right after your…one of your best friends had a child.”
He narrowed his eyes at me, and I took a step back. I had never in my life been afraid of Dirk Littlewood, but something in the way he glared at me gave me pause. I suddenly wished I’d told Kimberley to call Brock.
“You think I’m jealous that Ty and Kaylee had a baby together? You think I have feelings for her?”
I did the only thing I knew to do. I shrugged. Honestly, I didn’t know what to think anymore.
He stood and walked around the back of the chair and leaned against it. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
I flinched at his words. “I’m…I don’t know, Dirk. You seem very fond of Kaylee, but I’m not sure what’s wrong. That’s why I’m here. Your mother asked me to come talk to you.”
He laughed and looked away before glancing back at me. “You’re the last person I want to talk to, let alone see.”
Hurt raced through me, and it felt like a million needles stabbed into my body all at once. How had he come to hate me so much?
Tears pooled in my eyes as I stood frozen in place. It took me about a minute to control my emotions before I could speak. Even then, it came out so weak sounding. “I see. Then I’ll let you be so you can attempt to drown away your sorrows.” I met his eyes, and as much as I knew it would hurt, I said, “I can’t help but wonder what your father would think, though.”