“So, give her a nudge, you know?”
I gave her a thumbs-up. “You got it, boss.”
“You seem down.” I sat across from Derek at the bar and enjoyed my usual IPA. But he ordered a scotch, which he rarely did these days. His driver dropped him off on the way back from Jersey and then took Emerson home, where she would meet the nanny with the boys.
“Because I am.” He watched the liquid as he swirled it before bringing the glass to his lips and tilting it back to take a drink.
“Something going on with Emerson?” They had two really young kids, and their lives were a little more hectic than usual. That was bound to take a toll on anyone, but anytime I saw them together, they still clearly loved each other. And apparently, they fucked on his desk all the time in his office, so everything seemed good in that neck of the woods.
“No.” He took another drink before he set the glass down. “It’s Liz.”
“Yeah?”
“It’s just really hit me lately that she’s moving out and everything is changing, and it’s been hard.”
“She won’t actually leave until next fall, man.”
“I know. But now I’ll be dreading that day until it happens.”
I didn’t know what to say to that because I couldn’t put my feet in his shoes. My only experience was seeing how sad my parents were when I moved away to college. They were proud, but they also cried their eyes out.
He stared down at his glass and didn’t take a drink. “Little Deacon and Cam are perfect, but they’re too young right now for me to really develop a bond the way I have with Lizzie. She’s not my biological daughter, but I feel like she’s my firstborn and I just have all this pain because I feel like I didn’t have enough time with her.” He placed his palm over his chest and absentmindedly rubbed the area over his heart, like he really did have a physical pain there. “It’s not fair and I’m a bit angry, but I don’t know who to be angry at.”
“I’m sorry, man.”
“Yeah, it’s rough. Emerson is having a hard time with it too, but not as bad as I am. She held her as a baby, and I didn’t get that honor.”
My brother didn’t say things like this often, so it resonated with me now. I could feel his pain absorb into my skin, and I wished I could say something to make him feel better, but nothing ever really could. “She’ll be away at college for a few years, but she’ll come back, and you’ll get to have a completely different kind of relationship with her. She wants to work for you, which means you’ll get to see her every day and watch her grow in a whole new way. And you also have the luxury of having a special kind of relationship with her that you won’t have with the boys because of her age. You’ll get to enjoy more time with her as an adult. That’s pretty special.”
He nodded slightly. “Yeah, I guess that’s a good way to put it.”
“You’ll be colleagues. That’s amazing too.”
He nodded again.
“There’s a lot to look forward to, man. And you’ll be a grandparent at a young age, so that’s really cool. You’ll be a grandfather at forty.”
“Ugh.” He dragged his hands down his face. “That would mean Lizzie would be married or be in a serious relationship with a guy, and there’s no guy on this planet good enough for her. I don’t know what I’m going to do when she introduces me to someone. I’ve never cared about Daisy’s personal life and I don’t have a misogynistic outlook on life in general, but the idea of some guy breaking Lizzie’s heart…makes me want to kill something.”
I’d never had a physical injury or disappointment that was nearly as painful as my wife leaving me. It was the kind of scar that would always be there, a chip on my shoulder that everyone could see. “Heartbreak is a part of life.”
He kept his eyes down. “Yeah.”
I drank from my beer and tried to push those thoughts from my mind.
After a long stretch of silence, he lifted his gaze and looked at me. “Dad told me he tried to talk to you—”
“No. We aren’t doing this.” I shut him down quickly because I wasn’t interested in a repeat conversation. “It’s done. Let’s move on.”
Derek stared at me for a while, the silence lasting an eternity. “I get it. You don’t want to talk about it. That’s fine. But I’ve got to say at least one thing to you, alright? Let me say my piece, and I’ll leave you alone.”
I inhaled an exaggerated breath.
“You know what happened to me after the Kevin and Tabitha fiasco. Ten years wasted. Ten years spent in anger and resentment. I met the woman I’m supposed to be with, and I almost lost her for good because I let the past become my present. Don’t repeat my mistakes, Dex. You were one of the people trying to talk some sense into me then. I didn’t listen, and I should have.”