I do not dare look in their direction. I keep my tail still, because it will give away my agitation. Pashov jogs up to me, his face eager with excitement. "Did you see how many females there are? Twelve of them! So many—" He pauses as he approaches me, his eyes widening. "Are you—"
"Say nothing," I hiss, deliberately not looking over at the females. "I do not want to be sent away. Pretend I am silent."
My friend exhales a deep breath. "You are lucky. My chest is silent." Pashov glances around. "I think most chests are silent. Someone else resonates, but I have not yet determined who."
To think there are so many females here—a wealth beyond imagining—and only two of us have resonated. It seems a cruel trick of nature, but I remind myself that the females do not yet have their khuis. Things might be different then. "We must wait and see," I say to Pashov. "Until they have their khuis, I must stay back."
Back…and away from my chief, who prowls like an overprotective snowcat. If he suspects I am resonating, he will send me away until after the sa-kohtsk hunt, so I do not frighten the females. I do not want that. I want to watch them all, to see if I can tell which one it is that has made my khui sing at last.
I will no longer be alone. The thought is overwhelming in the joy of it. After all this time of having no family, I will create one. I will have a mate. And a kit. My knees grow weak at the thought and I lean heavily on my spear. In this moment, I do not care if Vektal is furious. I need to know which female is mine.
So I turn to Pashov. "I am going to find out which female is mine," I say to him, my voice low so no others can hear. "Take my spear. Watch the entrance."
His eyes widen and for a moment, he looks as excited as I am. "How will you know which one it is?" he hisses, switching places with me. "She has no khui yet. There is nothing for yours to respond to."
"But if my khui is already singing to her, then it should sing louder when I approach, yes?" I reach out and take the heavy fur cloak from his shoulders, wrapping it around my chest to muffle the song that vibrates through me. "I must know, my friend. I must."
"I understand. Good luck." He gives me a rueful nod. "If anyone asks, I have heard nothing."
I grin. "There is nothing to hear. Nothing at all." I glance around, wondering how I can approach without making Vektal and his second, Raahosh, suspicious. I need some sort of plan to get near them. I study each human's face, noting how round and soft they are, how smooth their brows. They look so delicate, as a group, and I worry that I will break my mate if I touch her. I look down at my hands. Never before have they seemed too big, but they seem too large now. Whoever I resonate to, I will have to be extremely careful that I do not hurt her.
I must be the gentlest of mates to my female.
With this thought in my mind, I glance over at the fire. Tea is warming in a pouch, and I go to fill my skin. If I am offering the females a drink, they will not be able to chase me away, will they? I am simply being helpful. So very, very helpful. Using the bone cup nearby, I fill my skin and then straighten, glancing over at the cluster of females. They huddle together, holding on to one another. A few are wounded and one is weeping as if her heart is broken. I will be happy with any female but…a selfish part of me hopes it is not her. I do not know what to do around tears. I have no mother or sisters and no experience with females. Surely my khui knows this, though.
I clear my throat, tightening the layers of fur over my chest to muffle my khui's song, and rumble low in my throat. I even rumble low in my chest in an old song that we hum at celebrations, just to try and cover the sound. I feel obvious. Very obvious. Zolaya frowns at me as I walk past. He thinks I am acting strange…because I am. I am not one to sing much, even when the elders lift their voices in song.
My face burns with embarrassment as I approach the females, holding out the water skin. The tearful one flinches as she sees me, but then she offers me a watery smile and takes the skin. Her fingers brush mine and I feel…nothing. It does not mean she is not my mate, but I think I would feel something? I hope? I nod at her, taking the skin back and moving on to the next one. And the next. I study the faces. One female has specks of dirt on her skin, and another has brown skin. Others are in varying shades, their manes going from deep black and curly to pale and straight. It is fascinating. Some of the females are taller and sturdy, with big teats and hips, and others look small and fragile.