I have to go find him, then.
I braid my hair and put on my leathers. I wrap extra leather around my boots, reinforcing them, since the mountains are colder and rocky, and the snow can hide all kinds of dangers. I double-check the point of my spear to make sure it's sharp and grab my waterskin and the last of our dried rations. I'm not coming back until I find Rukh. "I'm coming, baby."
The moment I step outside the cave, though, I stop.
Two dead dvisti are neatly laid out a short distance away.
I approach them, puzzled, but they are definitely dead. There's ice crusting on their fur, with slashed throats and bellies from hunting. I kneel next to one, and it's been bled so the meat will stay good. Rukh must have done this, and the thought fills me with relief. Dvisti don't come down on the beach. In the few days since we've been here, I've seen the occasional one up on the ridge, but they don't come below. I guess it's too hard on their feet.
Glancing up, I scan the beach, but there's no sign of my mate. "Rukh?"
My voice echoes on the cliffs. There's nothing but silence.
I get to my feet and follow the tracks of footprints in the sand, but they lead back to the cliffs and disappear. He went back out? Without waking me? Without talking to me? I don't understand.
Why wouldn't he come and wake up his mate? Kiss me hello before running off again? I totally understand if there's a lot to be done and he feels the pressure to provide. Maybe he senses a storm is coming and wants to get a lot of meat preserved. He's used to being on his own. He knows what has to be done to make it in this harsh environment.
Even so…I feel a little abandoned.
This is all new for me, and I'm lonely. Yesterday, I was so terrified something had happened to him that I couldn't think straight. I had to throw myself into chores or else I'd lose my mind with worry.
Instead, he's just out hunting…and I guess he doesn't want to be disturbed by his mate.
I chew on my lip, worried. Am I too clingy? Is that why he's run off into the hills? Does he need a break from me? The thought cuts like a knife, and yet…it makes sense. Rukh is used to being alone. Of course he'd find my constant presence a bit annoying. He's probably going off on his own to get a breather, and I need to just accept it.
We're in this together. He's my mate, and we just need to get used to how the other operates. When he comes home, I'll try to be less clingy and needy and more independent. I don't want him to feel smothered.
I'm still hurt, though. Oh sure, some of it's hormones, but I guess when I envisioned us living on the beach together, I had an idea in my head that we'd be…together. But maybe his idea was different.
Frustrated, I grab the first dvisti by the leg and start dragging it back to the cave. There's no time to mope. I've got to process this meat and get the skin off of it, and there's no one to do it but me. Hurt feelings won't give us food to eat in the brutal season, so I'd better hop to it.
17
RUKH
When I return to the cave that night, I have another dvisti and this time, two dead snow-cats. I am also scratched, bloodied, tired, and want nothing more than to hold my mate. But this is not enough fur to keep her warm, and the colder weather will be upon us soon. I will not have my mate shivering when I can hunt meat and take the furs from animals, so I must keep going out
I drop my kills a safe distance away from the cave and arrange them so Har-loh will know it is me. Even though I know this is necessary work, I hate being apart from her. I wish I could slide under the furs with her and drink in her scent, touch her until she wakes up and reaches for me. I wish I could go to sleep with my arms around her. I wish for a great many things, but wishes will not keep my Har-loh warm. With a frustrated sigh, I turn and head back to the hills again.
HARLOW
Rukh's been here again.
I want to scream with frustration when I see the new kills lined up a short distance from the cave. I can't believe my mate came back—again—and didn't say shit to me. He didn't even bother to come into the cave. I laid out a fine covering of sand across the entrance to check for such a thing. If he came in—even just to look at me—it'd show a footprint or two. Sure enough, it wasn't touched.