King Quinten grimaced, as if weighing whether he could make a better bargain, as if him taking my daughter wasn’t enough. Finally, he pushed forward, reaching for the quill.
Valentina and I stood by quietly as the contract was signed, and I realized that, even though my name wasn’t on the paper, it bound me to Quinten, Valentina, and Hadrian as family.
He had our daughter. And so, he’d taken a part of me as well.
Everyone in the room applauded, and as Jameson and Quinten shook hands, I walked over to Valentina, embracing her.
“Did you know?” I whispered.
“No. I would have warned you. I hope you trust me enough to believe that.”
“I do. You’re the only one who knows what it’s like to be me.”
She took me by the hand and pulled me toward the wall. “About last night,” she whispered in a rush. “I was very out of sorts. Sometimes when you’re carrying a child, your mind feels strange, and I—”
“You don’t have to explain.”
“I do,” she insisted. “I wasn’t speaking clearly, and you mustn’t take any of what I said seriously. Besides,” she said, stroking her stomach, “I was sick this morning. That’s why I was late. That’s a very good sign.”
I put my hands on top of hers. “Congratulations. . . . But are you quite sure you’re safe?”
She nodded, holding my hands. “I am now.”
“Promise me you’ll write. I am going to need so much guidance. Like how to survive my children being used as pawns.” I felt a biting sting at the back of my nose, and I worked hard to suppress it.
“I know. Imagine the pressure I feel. But I will write when I can . . . though you may have to guess at my meanings sometimes. I don’t think my correspondence is entirely private.”
“I understand.”
“Take care of yourself, Hollis. Keep your king smiling, and all will be well.” She reached over and kissed my cheek. “I have to go oversee the packing. And rest,” she added, smiling.
I curtsied. “Your Majesty.”
“You write first,” she insisted quietly, “so I have an excuse to write back.”
And she was on her way out, joining with King Quinten, who gave me a final condemning look before he passed through the door.
Jameson walked over, rubbing his hands together as if he’d just delivered the finishing blow at a tournament, and I gave him what I hoped was a winning smile. “My father never could have done that,” he said with a laugh. “And I’m glad you spoke up when you did. Saved me the trouble of charging at an old man.”
“It would have been no contest there,” I remarked, and Jameson laughed again. I’d once considered a laugh from Jameson something like a prize; now it was so frequent it felt like noise. “I’m curious why he was trying to get an arrangement for Prince Hadrian’s children and not the child I suspect Valentina is carrying.”
“Like they say, no one can guess at that old man’s motives. What else is strange is that he even approached us at all,” Jameson commented, taking my arm to lead me toward the Great Room.
“What do you mean?”
“Most Isoltens prefer to marry their own kind, and their royal line has been completely pure from the onset. If he wants another princess to marry his grandchild, he must have a remarkable reason.”
“Interesting. Valentina told me Hadrian is marrying another royal as well,” I commented, too overwhelmed by my own feelings to really care one way or another. I smiled up at Jameson, trying to hide my sorrow with jokes. “Either way, next time you plan to sign away our children to another kingdom, could I have warning before I walk into the room?”
He scoffed. “Oh, Hollis, they aren’t our children. They’re mine.”
“What?” I forced myself to keep a smile on my face.
“Any children we make are arrows in my quiver, and I will aim them wherever I must for the sake of Coroa.”
He kissed my cheek as the door opened, letting me go into the company of my ladies. Delia Grace could read the horror on my face as we turned to go, but it was Nora who took my hand as we walked. For the sake of appearances, I kept my feelings pushed down, nodding my head at those we passed. And I managed to do just fine until I saw the Eastoffes.
The Northcotts were with them, perhaps saying their goodbyes, and I was thankful to know at least that Etan was leaving the country. But I caught sight of Silas’s blue eyes, and my mind jumped forward, imagining children with those perfect eyes and my olive skin. Those children . . . they would have been mine. . . .
I hurried from the room before anyone could see how violently I was crying.
Twenty-Two
AFTER THE ISOLTEN COURT LEFT, I found it nearly impossible not to look into the eyes of every child I passed, curious about their families, their futures.
Funny enough, it was the boys who always stood a little closer to their parents, either looking apprehensive or standing tall as if they were on guard. Most of the girls did as Delia Grace and I had done: find a friend to hold close, take in the excitement together, and wait to see what adventures life at court brought for you.
That was how it always felt when we twirled around each other on the dance floor or paraded around the palace on the holy days; it was a marvelous adventure. And I had pitied those girls in the country, the ones out working the land owned by our families, who would never know the feeling of satin or be lifted off their feet in the middle of a volta. After the shock of being given the queen’s apartments wore off, I’d felt untouchable, like I’d finally proven wrong everyone who’d ever doubted me, showing my worth to the world as it was measured by the love of a king.
I had it all.
And yet, when Jameson placed a ring on my finger and a crown on my head, I knew it would feel as if I’d lost everything.
“My lady?” a concerned voice asked. I looked up to find Lord Eastoffe and his entire family crossing down the hallway toward the Great Hall. I realized I’d stopped to study a family as a father pointed out a beautiful arch in the castle ceiling. I shook my head, blushing as I stepped out of the way. “Are you troubled?”
“No,” I lied, trying to keep my eyes from settling on Silas too long. “I suppose after all the excitement of the recent company, I’m just a little low.”
He smiled. “In my younger years, I experienced that feeling more than once,” he commented, sharing a knowing look with his wife.
Lady Eastoffe looked at me warmly. There was something about her that made me want to rush into her arms. She’d fled her country presumably for the sake of her children. If I told her mine would be used as pawns in state affairs, she’d understand my pain. “Don’t worry, my Lady Hollis,” she said. “Crowning Day is on the horizon, yes? Scarlet’s eager to come and practice the dance soon. So there are still celebrations to look forward to.”
I forced a smile and nodded. “Thank you, my lady. There is a lot of preparation for Crowning Day yet to do. I will send word soon, Scarlet. I think some dancing would do us all good.”
Between Scarlet’s all-seeing eyes, Lady Eastoffe’s concerned smile, and Silas’s continued gazing at the floor, I guessed at least half of the family knew I was drowning in sadness and none of us could really talk about it.