He should have apologized.
Or at least done something, anything other than just sit there with his head in his hands, ready to burst into tears over ruining the most important friendship in his existence.
It had destroyed him.
Most people talk about straying, how choices eventually led them to be the people they were, how it was a slow fade into what was now their lives.
But with Jake it was different. He knew the exact time. Three o’clock in the morning. He knew the exact date. February third. He knew everything.
The way the room smelled like coconut from one of Kacey’s ridiculous candles from Bath and Body Works. The feel of her jersey sheets across his legs.
Her smooth skin under his hand.
Yes, he knew the exact moment when he gambled and lost everything dear to him.
It was the very same day he decided he couldn’t do it anymore. A crossroads had appeared that day. He could have chosen to be the good guy going after the girl and apologizing, living a safe life with 2.5 children and a house with a picket fence.
Or he could have chosen to be an ass.
/> The choice he’d made was obvious, but he’d felt trapped and alone, and it wasn’t any help that his friends had told him the easiest way to get over a girl was to get with a new one. So he had, again and again, until he was so numb and disgusted with himself he hadn’t even wanted to live anymore.
Eventually the pain faded when Kacey started her own life.
It was easier for him to ignore it ever happened. To pretend it didn’t really matter. But it did. Oh, how it did.
Kacey didn’t know.
How could she?
It had been his first time as well as hers. He’d never told a soul that he’d stayed a virgin through high school. It was easy to keep the secret though; girls had wanted him so bad that they lied about his skills in the bedroom. Granted, he’d never been an angel, but he’d always known he wanted his first time to be with someone special, with a girl he truly cared for. He’d thought he loved Kacey, but she’d had a way of making a man feel like more than he was, and for Jake that was difficult. He’d known he’d wanted more than he could give Kacey. He’d wanted to sow his wild oats, make mistakes, get crazy, be famous. Kacey would have been happy dropping out of school and having kids right away.
Nothing makes a guy run faster than knowing he could have it all, and lose it all, with one woman.
To be frank, it had scared the hell out of him.
What if? What if he had apologized? Loved her as she deserved? In his mind he would have still destroyed her. It was so much easier being who he was.
Which is why, when the hot blonde stuck her hand into his belt loop and whispered something naughty in his ear, he left with her. Not caring if people whispered behind his back that he was cheating, and not caring as she took off her top in the car, that what he was doing was stupidity at its finest.
He just wanted to be free, to live. To separate himself from the boy he was so long ago.
Chapter Eighteen
Travis tried not to look at her legs. Really he did. It was a gargantuan effort on behalf of men everywhere. In fact, several times he wished someone was documenting the extreme self-control he was exhibiting by biting his lip, breathing in and out, and keeping the truck between the yellow and white lines of the road.
“So, where to?” Kacey asked.
He still didn’t look. He knew if he looked at her, even glanced, his eyes would stray and he would be responsible for a twelve-car pileup.
His nerves were already shot with the way her perfume was floating across the truck, tickling his noise, teasing his senses, and arousing him more than should be allowed.
Taking a shuddering breath he responded, “It’s a surprise.”
“Oh, I love surprises,” she said dryly.
“Cut the crap, Kacey. Are you forgetting who you’re with? I know how much you love surprises. Crap, you cried when we threw you a sixteenth birthday party.”
She crossed her arms.