Her mouth tilted up in a sympathetic smile, “I know how hard that can be. Brandon was so worried about you, but you're strong, I knew you would make it through this.”
“Um, Carrie? About Brandon.” I gulped down an imaginary lump in my throat, “Why are you being so nice to me? I thought you would hate me.”
She seemed to think about her next words for a minute, her smile now warm and her eyes bright, “Honestly, I was really hurt for my son when he told us what happened, but even then, I couldn't hate you. You'd made a mistake, and you were trying to deal with the consequences.” Carrie glanced over her shoulder to where Brandon had left a few minutes ago, “One way or another, you and Brandon will always be in each other’s lives. The way he looks at you is the same way Liam looked at me for fifteen years. You still look at my son that same way, even after all that has happened. How could I ever hate someone who loves my son and holds his heart?”
“But we aren't together.” I whispered, it almost sounded like a question.
“Maybe it'll stay that way,” she shrugged, “and maybe it won't.”
I should have told her that we had to remain just friends, so she wouldn't continue to think that someday he and I might be together again, but I couldn't bring myself to say it.
“And don't think I didn't notice that you didn't deny being in love with him.” She winked and took a big bite.
Crap.
Brandon came back a few minutes later, Jeremy rushed up to pull me in for a long hug, and the four of us hung out until later that night when my eyes started to get heavy. We said our goodbyes and hugged, Carrie made me promise to come around more often, and I was more than happy to agree. She was too bubbly and fun to not want to be around. The next thing I knew, my heavy eyelids slowly opened when Brandon lowered me to my bed.
“I'm sorry,” I whispered, my voice raspy from the short nap, “I didn't mean to fall asleep.”
He smiled and tucked a loose chunk of hair behind my ear, “Don't worry about it, you were tired.”
“Mhmm. I had a great time though, thanks for taking me.”
“Anytime, get some sleep.” He leaned over and kissed my forehead softly once. As soon as his lips touched me, my gummy bear woke up.
I laughed once, “I don't think that will be happening, he's been asleep until now, he'll start kicking soon and won't stop for the next few hours.”
Brandon slid onto the bed and put his hands under my shirt, resting them on my stomach. I sucked in a quick gasp but didn't say anything. We'd already gone way past our friend-only-touching-zone when he'd held me and I kissed him on the cheek this morning. He may talk to my gummy bear every day, but when his hands were on me, they were always over my shirt. Not now though. Now, I was lying in bed, he had his hands on my bare stomach, gently caressing it, and was looking at me from under thick black eyelashes. All I could think about was kissing him. My baby was going crazy, moving his legs and arms back and forth, and Brandon looked so happy I closed my eyes and pictured a world where this could be okay. A world where Brandon and I had stayed together, eventually gotten married and were now expecting.
After what must have been at the very least ten minutes later, Brandon leaned forward, his deep voice husky and hypnotic, “Be good to your mom little man, she needs to sleep.” and then he kissed my stomach. So soft, so tender, I couldn't be sure if I'd imagined it. Then he straightened and came closer to me, “Good night, I'll see you tomorrow sweetheart.”
I wrapped my hands around his neck and brought his face closer to mine, when our lips were barely an inch away I paused, giving both of us that opportunity to stop. We stared into each other’s eyes for a few moments and I finally pressed my mouth to his. Our lips were still for a brief second before they began moving against each other in perfect unison. His tongue glided against my bottom lip and I opened my mouth to him, allowing us to explore each other for the first time in almost half a year. A wave of heat rushed through my body and I pulled him closer. Brandon moved his mouth in a line along my jaw to my ear and down my throat. He nipped at the hollow at the base of my neck and a soft moan escaped my mouth. I brought his face back up to mine, but our kisses slowed until he was barely brushing his lips against mine.
“I'll see you tomorrow Harper, sweet dreams.” He whispered into my mouth before kissing me hard one last time.
On their own accord, my hands reached out for him, “Can you stay with me?”
Heat flashed through his hazel eyes, “Not tonight. I want to be sure this is what you want.” I started to protest, but he stopped me with another mind blowing kiss, when he pulled back, both of us were breathless, “Sleep on it, we'll talk tomorrow.”
***
I woke early the next morning and stayed in bed for almost two hours thinking about what I want. I know what I want, but I don't know if I can have that. I think I lost the right to have it, and how would the family feel if I were to start dating Brandon again? Would they think I'd never actually cared for Chase, and that every day I wasn't constantly wishing for another stupid time machine so I could go back and stop him? I felt like it would be one big screw you to them. I mentally kicked myself for letting myself act on my feelings for Brandon last night as I took a shower and walked downstairs for some breakfast.
“Hey Mom.” I kissed her cheek and thanked her for the protein smoothie she'd made me. “Good timing...?”
“I heard you in the shower, figured you'd be down here soon. How did everything go yesterday?”
“It was really nice. Like, oddly nice.”
Mom tilted her head to the side and gave me her, I'm thoroughly confused but know you're about to tell me anyway so I'll keep my mouth shut, face and waited. I told her about the weird conversation with Carrie after we'd first gotten there and about the rest of the time with Brandon's family. I finished by lamely admitting that I'd kissed Brandon last night before he left.
She smiled and grabbed my hand, “I know you think you can't, but you can move on in that area of your life too. In fact, you should. Chase wouldn't want you to raise the baby and live your life alone.”
“I won't be alone,” I countered, “I'll have you guys.”
“You will have us, always, but don't shut love out of your life. Chase would want you to have a husband, he would want the baby to have a father.” She wiped a tear from her cheek.
“But isn't this too soon? I'm so confused, it's like when I was fighting my feelings for Chase when I was dating Brandon, only now I feel like I'm acting as if Chase didn't matter to me by even considering anything with Brandon.”
“For a lot of people, two months is too soon. But your situation is entirely different because of what happened between the three of you before. So that doesn't exactly apply to you and Brandon now. If you're worried about us Harper, don’t. We all want for you to be happy, and we agree Brandon makes you happy. We wouldn't have called him to help you out of your mourning if we were afraid you would eventually go back to him.
“If you want to do this on your own, then you should. But, if you want to be with him, don't miss your chance with him again. He's good for you, and though he has every right to be bitter about your baby, he already loves him more than we could ever hope a man in your life would.” She paused for a minute and leaned back in her chair, “I know what Chase thought of him, and I promise he would be happy with your choice. He knew Brandon could take care of, and love you, better than anyone. That's why he didn't interfere with your relationship for so long.”
We sat in silence a few minutes while I let that sink in. It's like she knew exactly what I needed to hear, to know the family wouldn't judge me, and most importantly, for someone to tell me Chase would want me to be happy and move on too. Claire leaned over and hugged me tight before speaking again, “I think the real question is, how did you feel after you kissed him?”
“Like I could finally breathe again.” I answered honestly. “I still love him Mom.”
“I know you do, sweetie.”
“Is that wrong?”
“Not at all, and it doesn't dismiss the love you had, and still have for Chase. I know how you've always felt about both of them. Tell me,” she switched directions, her face suddenly mischievous, “how was the kiss? He sure was up there longer than I thought he would be, seeing how he had to carry your sleeping butt up there.”
Heat flooded my cheeks and a wide smile quickly stretched across my face, “Amazing.” I said a little breathless, remembering his lips on mine and moving down my neck. Mom chuckled at my expression.
“Hmm...” Bree walked sluggishly in the kitchen with Konrad, “Mom's giggling, and Harper's blushing. I have to know what's going on here.” She hugged me and sat on Konrad's lap in the seat next to mine.
“Harper kissed Brandon last night.” Mom was leaning over the table like she was sharing some seriously juicy gossip.
“Well it's about damn time!” Bree said faking a little exasperation.
I looked at her stunned, “How can you even say that? It's only been two months Bree.”
Her face fell to a sympathetic smile, “I know, but you're only holding back because you're afraid of letting go of Chase's memory. Tell me friend, has anything changed in your heart? If Brandon asked you right now to marry him, what would you say?”
Yes. I didn’t even have to think about that or answer it for that matter, “But Bree –”
“Allowing yourself to be with Brandon isn't a bad thing. It's also not discarding what you had with Chase, and it's what he would want for you. We all do.”
That's exactly what Mom had been saying, I looked between the three of them, my eyes narrowing. “Have you guys been talking about this? Why am I just finding this all out?”