Looking to my left, I watched as Hudson fought a grin as he stared at the table. “Seriously? Again?”
“Yep! Number four’s on the way.” He looked up, and his smile was wide before a familiar, haunted look crossed his face—and suddenly all emotion left him.
Fuck. Not yet. I just sat down. Kicking Steele’s foot under the table, I nodded my head at him. “What about you and Reagan?”
“Uh . . .” He cleared his throat and looked away for a second. “We’re great. No more kids, we’re good with two. Studio and business are doing great, I’ve been slammed with photo shoots and weddings now that spring and summer are here. Reagan’s amazing, but I won’t go into that since I don’t feel like getting punched by someone again.”
“She’s my fucking sister, Steele! You can’t expect me to be okay with you talking about that shit in front of me.” Hudson looked like he was going to throw up, and I just laughed.
“Five years we’ve been together. Five. Years. You gotta get over it at some point.”
Hudson shook his head. “Nope. I don’t have to get over shit. So, Saco, talk to us.”
“Work is steady. Obviously there’s not a lot of crime going on in Jeston.” I shrugged.
“Man, just tell us how you are. You know we’re worried about you, and it’s stupid that we have to dance around the real reason we’re here.”
“Jesus. Are you for real?” Steele glared at Hudson before sighing heavily and turning to me. “You seem better than last year, and I’m not just saying that to bullshit you. I think I’ve seen you smile more in the last five minutes than I have in the past four years combined.”
“Yeah,” Hudson agreed. “It’s been good to see.”
“And we’re sorry we weren’t here on his birthday. This was the first weekend I had free.”
I just sat there waiting for when they would stop. Every time they asked how I was doing, they never actually gave me an opportunity to answer.
“Feel like shit that we couldn’t be here on the day,” he continued.
“Yeah, but we thought about him, all my kids wore something with monkeys on it that day,” Hudson added.
“Did you put a monkey on his grave?” Steele asked, and I waited a few more moments to see if one of them was going to continue.
Olivia had dressed Tate in a jacket with monkeys on it the day of the accident, and for some reason I was never able to get that jacket out of my mind. Some people remember what their child’s favorite toy or blanket was. Me? I remembered those damn monkeys. So every year on his birthday I put a new monkey on his grave. Olivia didn’t understand why I did it and told me it was morbid, but then again, she never went and visited his grave. So I couldn’t care less if she didn’t like it.
Nodding my head, a sad smile pulled at my lips as I looked at the guys. “Yeah, I did. And don’t worry about not being here, the fact that you came at all means a lot. So just—yeah . . . thank you. You both know I appreciate it.”
They were silent for a few seconds before Hudson said, “Well, you know we’re here for you. We want to be here for this, we know it’s a hard time of the year for you.”
“And you and Olivia?” Steele asked, filling the silence that had settled between us. “You said you’re still avoiding her, but I would have asked if things were getting better with what I’m seeing from you.”
I huffed and shook my head. “No, Liv and I are just as bad as we’ve always been . . . if not worse.”
“O-kay . . . ?” they both said, drawing out the word as if they were waiting for me to continue.
“I, uh . . . I don’t really know how to . . .” I drifted off and shrugged helplessly when the waitress brought our plates. No one moved to touch their food.
“Are you finally leaving her?” Steele asked.
I wanted to laugh at the word finally. Did anyone like Olivia? Well, other than her family and herself. With a deep breath in, I shrugged again. “Yeah, that’s the plan.”
Hudson smacked his hand on the table, and Steele smiled widely at me. “Really, man?” he asked. “Gah, fucking finally. I’m happy for you, Saco. What are you gonna do? You want to move back to Colorado? Maybe a change of pace will be good for you, will help you with the grieving to get away from everythi—”
“Oh, you should,” Hudson said, cutting him off. “We can help you look for a place to live there, and a job. Can you just transfer departments like that?”
Steele pointed at me. “Check into that.”
“Guys, I’m not leaving.”
“What? Dude, why not? I know your family is here, but this could be good for you.”