Lucca interrupts my thoughts, “We need to get out of here.”
He frees my hands, his rough fingertips slide over mine, and he drags me down the street. I’m in such disarray that I don’t even attempt to stop him. By the time we reach the car, I’m still not any better.
Lucca opens the door and shoves me inside, rushing over to the driver’s side. He slides in and shoves the key into the ignition, and the engine roars to life. With his foot to the gas pedal, we rip out onto the road. The only sound inside the car is the quiet hum of the engine and our own breathing, but in my head, I can still hear shots being fired. I can still see the blood, the bullet in the guard’s head.
“Talk to me. Are you okay? Did they hurt you?” Lucca’s voice is feverish.
“No, I think I’m fine.” I make a mental check of my body. Right now, I’m numb, so it’s hard to say if I’m hurt or not. My mind is a mess, like a swarm of bees buzzing inside my head.
Leaning my head back against the headrest, I close my eyes and try to calm the storm. Slowly, my heartbeat returns to normal, and my breathing evens out.
When I open my eyes the next time, the world around me seems a little more normal again. As normal as my world can be.
“Why… why did you kill him?” My voice comes out calmer than I expected.
Lucca looks away from the road and over at me. His eyes are still dark, frenzied. It’s a reminder of the night that forever changed my life.
“It was kill him or let him get away with you.” He looks back at the road, and his grip on the steering wheel tightens. When he speaks again, his voice is deeper, rougher, “Is that what you wanted me to do? Let them take you.”
“N-Nooo,” I stutter and hold my head in my hands with defeat. “I’m just tired of all the death. It seems like I’m trying to outrun my past, but I’m a hamster on a wheel going nowhere. I thought I could finally be normal without all of this violence and death in my life.”
Lucca sighs. “I’m sorry, Claire, and I truly mean it. I’m sorry you got dragged into this mess. It wasn’t my intention. And how they ever found out about you is a mystery. I was always careful and made certain no one else knew anything about you.”
I’m both angry and grateful, and I don’t know which emotion is going to come out first. If Lucca had left me alone, none of this would’ve happened in the first place, but if he wasn’t there today, if he didn’t save me and protect me all those years ago, I might not be here now. It is a fucked up situation.
Ignoring what he said since I do not know how to approach it. I lift my head and ask, “What’s next?”
“I’ll drive for a bit, and then we will stop at a hotel for the night. I have to put as much distance as I can between the city and us.” I nod, and he continues, “To save you, I had to do something, something that will most likely get me killed.”
I shouldn’t ask, it’s none of my business, and the last thing I need is something else to worry about, but regardless of what I say or how I feel sometimes, I don’t want Lucca to die.
“What did you do? Does it have something to do with the Moretti guy they were talking about at dinner?”
“You need to forget that name. Erase it from your memory, and what I did doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you’re okay and safe. I made you a promise, and I keep my promises.”
Anger rips through my veins. He’s talking to me like I’m a kid. Like I have no right to know what he gave up when his choices affect both of us directly. “I’m not a child, Lucca. I’ve seen death. I’ve felt loss, and I deserve to know what you did to save my life.”
“You’re sixteen, Claire, so yeah, you’re a child. And I’m not telling you because it doesn’t affect you. You’re safe, and you will remain so as long as I’m breathing, and you follow my directions.”
“I’m not going to spend my entire life in hiding because of your shitty choices. Last I checked, none of this would be happening if it wasn’t for you.”
I can’t believe the way I’m talking right now, but nothing I’ve said is a lie.
I won’t spend my life running from Lucca’s enemies, and I won’t let him talk down to me when he is the cause for this problem. I was perfectly fine living with my parents and having him watch me from afar, even if it was annoying.