He looks at me and in his eyes I just see the emptiness.
So much emptiness.
It startles me to my very bones.
“What happened to you last night? What did Rose do to you?”
“She did nothing to me.”
“Didn’t…you seemed to know she wasn’t going to take you back.”
“I never thought she was going to take me back. I never wanted that. I don’t want her, Ada. That’s said and done.”
“Then why?” I ask, pressing my fingers into him in desperation, as if he’s about to disappear. “Why did we come here? It wasn’t about your stuff. It was never about your stuff. If it wasn’t about Rose, then what was it?”
He closes his eyes, brows knitting together.
“I needed closure. I needed to say goodbye in person. I never got the chance before.”
“Stop it!” I cry out, shaking him. “Stop talking about goodbyes like you’re leaving forever!”
When he opens his eyes, he has tears in them.
Oh fuck no.
“Max, come on. Please.” I grab his hands, holding tight. “Tell me what’s happening to you. Tell me that the demon lady was a liar.”
“A liar about what?” he says hoarsely, voice low.
“She said when I leave this city, that I’d be leaving it alone.”
He stares at me and the emptiness changes, makes room for sorrow.
I feel my heart breaking.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. But she’s right.”
“No,” I say, shaking my head over and over, feeling panic claw through me, making me sick. “No. She’s wrong. You’re coming with me. I won’t leave without you. I won’t.”
“You will, Ada. I got my closure. Now it’s time you go.”
“Fuck that. And fuck you for saying that!”
His face remains still, impassive.
“You can’t save me,” he says, voice grave. “I’m not worth saving. I’ve got nothing to offer you. Nothing to offer anyone. Destiny is a cruel sick joke.”
“Don’t say that,” I tell him, my voice breaking. “Don’t say that. It’s not true. You’ve got so much to offer, everything to offer. I need you as much as you need me.”
“You’re thinking of someone else.” He breaks out of my grip, walking away toward the bed.
“I’m only thinking of you! I’ve only been thinking about you! You’re everything to me, Max, don’t you dare try to convince me otherwise, tell me I don’t know what I’m feeling. I know what this is, I’ve felt it since the moment I pulled you out!”
“And why did you pull me out!?” he roars, turning around to face me, rage and desperation distorting his features. “You should have left me there!”
I shrink back, my heart shaking inside me. I try to breathe.
“It was Jacob that brought you out,” I say weakly. “I just finished the job.”
“You should have left me in the house,” he growls, eyes flashing. “I would have been pulled back. Back to where I deserve to be.”
“Hell!?” I exclaim. “You don’t deserve to be in Hell, Max.”
He strides over to me, the room shaking. “And you have no fucking idea who I am, Ada! What I’ve done. You think you can just live for hundreds of years and stay a good person, with no consequences. I have done things I deserve to suffer eternally for!”
There’s so much raw and exposed nerve here that I swear I feel that black void inside him starting to seep out into the room, threatening to get me too.
But I have to stand my ground.
For him.
“I know you, Max,” I tell him, taking a step toward him, trying to get him to see how badly I need him here, how much I believe in him. “I’ve looked inside you. I know what you have to live with, I know you’re suffering right now. So much. But we’ve all done things we regret doing. I know you’re a good person, I see so much good in you, you’ve just buried it away. You’re alive now, you’re here, you’re free. This is your second chance.”
“I’m not free! I’m chained to you. I’m nothing but a burden to you, Ada.”
I shake my head, clenching my jaw. “You’re not a burden, how dare you say that! I care about you so much, so, so much. I will keep you here, Max, I will keep you safe.”
“No,” he says. “You need to leave me here. This was the point of it all. To leave me here.”
“If I leave you, you’ll die.”
“I know.”
His eyes meet mine.
They’re hard.
Cold.
Determined.
But so am I. I steel myself against him. “Then it’s not going to happen. I won’t let you give up on yourself. I will be the one that saves you no matter what you try and do.”
He stares at me for a moment with wild eyes, then turns away in frustration.
I climb up on the mattress walking right over to him, holding his head in my hands. It’s a low bed and we’re at roughly the same height now. I force him to look at me.