Sincerely,
The Management
I crumpled the paper and tossed it into the trash bin before closing the door. Just my luck that the system would break, I thought. Then, I realized that I didn't have anyone to visit me anymore. My annoyance disappeared into a fog of self-pity as I stepped out to my car.
I headed into downtown Des Moines, looking for something to do. After driving aimlessly through the city, I decided I should at least get groceries. I turned to head toward the highway when I saw the dome for the botanical gardens.
We were in front of the Des Moines Botanical Gardens, the big glass dome glowing slightly from an inner light. Owen stepped out of the car and immediately shrugged out of his jacket and draped it across my shoulders without even asking. It was warm and smelled like his cologne. I took a deep breath, my insides going tingly at being wrapped in the scent. He grabbed my hand in his, his body heat seeping into my palm, and pulled me inside.
The memory hit me, and I turned into the parking lot unsure of what I was expecting to accomplish. Owen wouldn't be here with me this time. But I wanted so desperately to feel a connection, to feel that glow of happiness. I was going to just look inside, remember the good times, and then leave. Maybe it would help me find some closure.
Inside the dome, the air was hot, humid, and sticky to the point of being uncomfortable. Children in matching T-shirts shrieked through the exhibits, weary looking guardians chasing slowly after them. Some sort of children's tour was going on, filling the room with screaming kids.
I tried to work my way over to the waterfall where Owen and I had eaten our picnic dinner. It looked different in the daylight, the soft glow replaced by the harsh glare of the sun. I could barely hear the musical song of the water falling over the loud screeching of sugar filled kids. I stared at the waterfall for a moment, trying to recall exactly how it had felt the last time I was in this room, but instead of romantic kisses on my lips, strangers kept bumping into me. Everywhere I went, the crowd managed to jostle me.
I remembered the sweet scent of plumeria, and went to find one of the strange-looking trees. I walked around the room, but couldn't find a single one. When I saw a tour guide pointing out various species of edible plants to several interested adults, I headed over and asked where a plumeria tree might be.
"I'm afraid we don't have any plumeria here. I saw one once in Hawaii, though, and they sure are beautiful. Sorry about that," the young woman told me. I sighed, thanked her and headed back to my car.
I was drained. I didn't want to be out anymore. My throat hurt from holding back tears, and I felt shaky and sick. I just wanted to go back to bed. So I hopped in my car, went home, and did exactly that.
***
I woke up early again the next day and immediately got groceries and then hid in my house before the rest of the world could wake up and bother me. I still felt grouchy, and crowds were the last thing I wanted to deal with. I was giving very strong consideration to simply becoming a shut-in and never having to deal with human beings again when Marissa called.
"Hey you! Allie and I are coming to get you at five-thirty to go to Zoo Brew with us, so you'd better be ready," she said into the phone. She had been texting me nonstop from the moment she thought I was awake until well after lunch when she decided to finally just call. There was no doubt in her voice that I was going to go whether I wanted to or not.
"Marissa, I don't know... I mean I'm still jet lagged, and.." I said, trying to get out of it.
"And there is beer and wine at the zoo. Allie and I already bought your ticket. We had such a great time last year when we went, remember? Come on, animals and alcohol? What could be more fun?" I could tell she wasn't going to take no for an answer. Remembering the good time we had dancing to live music and getting free wine samples at the adults only event last year made me smile.
"All right. I'll get dressed and we can go."
"Sweet! We'll come pick you up!" I could hear her grin through the phone. It was hard not to smile back when I thought of how big her smile could be. When I set down the phone, I felt optimistic for the first time all day.
The zoo grounds were hot and humid. It had rained early in the morning, but the sun came out around noon and instead of drying up the water, had just turned the outdoors into a sauna. It wasn't quite to summer levels of heat, but it bordered on uncomfortable. Even the animals looked just a little too warm as we wandered around the zoo, sipping on our plastic cups of wine from the local winery.
I told my two best friends the sterile version of what happened. I had practiced it in the mirror, so I could say it without crying. I had left Dubai because the sheik's son had tried to assault me. Owen and I were broken up. It just wasn't working out. Both women nodded sympathetically, keeping quiet until I changed the subject.
We wandered aimlessly, following the crowd, until we came to an animal enclosure. Adults were playing with the child-sized plastic peep hole, popping their heads up into a bubble in the middle of a prairie dog town.
"I still can't believe you Iowa folks think this counts as a zoo exhibit," Marissa said shaking her head as she peered into the prairie dog exhibit. "Seriously, back home, those things are freaking everywhere."
"Yeah, yeah, Ms. New Mexico, but they aren't here. At least I've never seen them," Allie replied. It was a zoo tradition for the three of us to stand here and say these lines. It was comforting to hear them sound exactly the same, like nothing had ever changed.
"It would be like having an exhibit on geese. I'm just tickled pink that you Iowans put them in a zoo." Marissa leaned against the glass as we watched the little rodents scamper in and out of their holes, their high-pitched chirps almost making a song.
"I think I'd like an exhibit of geese," I said as I drank my wine.
"You would," Allie said, shaking her head. I grinned at her. She knew how much I loved walking the river in the spring and looking for baby goslings. It was something I looked forward to every year.
"Let's go look at the tiger. That's at least a real animal." Marissa shooed us away from the exhibit, pretending not to glance behind her as we left. Marissa had moved out to Iowa five years ago from New Mexico after a bad breakup, but she still considered New Mexico her home. I knew the prairie dogs were actually her favorite animals here, but that she would never admit it in public.
We dutifully walked toward the tiger enclosure, laughing as we joined a couple watching the tiger. In the big cat's pool, someone had placed what looked like an empty beer keg. The tiger was having the time of his life playing with the giant floating toy. I could see puncture marks through the metal and was glad he was on the other side of the glass.
The tiger crawled out of the water, then turned around and pounced on the floating keg. The keg, of course, bobbed and dunked him into the water with a delightful splash. The tiger popped to the surface a moment later with a look of surprise on his face.
"Aw look, the big kitty made Kaylee smile," Marissa said in a baby voice before she laughed and put her arm around me. I almost punched her, but I knew she was only trying to help me have a good time. The tiger had gotten a hold of the rim of the barrel and was pulling it out of the water, playing with the steel drum like a kitten with a new toy.