The zoo grounds were hot and humid. It had rained early in the morning, but the sun came out around noon and instead of drying up the water, had just turned the outdoors into a sauna. It wasn't quite to summer levels of heat, but it bordered on uncomfortable. Even the animals looked just a little too warm as we wandered around the zoo, sipping on our plastic cups of wine from the local winery.
I told my two best friends the sterile version of what happened. I had practiced it in the mirror, so I could say it without crying. I had left Dubai because the sheik's son had tried to assault me. Owen and I were broken up. It just wasn't working out. Both women nodded sympathetically, keeping quiet until I changed the subject.
We wandered aimlessly, following the crowd, until we came to an animal enclosure. Adults were playing with the child-sized plastic peep hole, popping their heads up into a bubble in the middle of a prairie dog town.
"I still can't believe you Iowa folks think this counts as a zoo exhibit," Marissa said shaking her head as she peered into the prairie dog exhibit. "Seriously, back home, those things are freaking everywhere."
"Yeah, yeah, Ms. New Mexico, but they aren't here. At least I've never seen them," Allie replied. It was a zoo tradition for the three of us to stand here and say these lines. It was comforting to hear them sound exactly the same, like nothing had ever changed.
"It would be like having an exhibit on geese. I'm just tickled pink that you Iowans put them in a zoo." Marissa leaned against the glass as we watched the little rodents scamper in and out of their holes, their high-pitched chirps almost making a song.
"I think I'd like an exhibit of geese," I said as I drank my wine.
"You would," Allie said, shaking her head. I grinned at her. She knew how much I loved walking the river in the spring and looking for baby goslings. It was something I looked forward to every year.
"Let's go look at the tiger. That's at least a real animal." Marissa shooed us away from the exhibit, pretending not to glance behind her as we left. Marissa had moved out to Iowa five years ago from New Mexico after a bad breakup, but she still considered New Mexico her home. I knew the prairie dogs were actually her favorite animals here, but that she would never admit it in public.
We dutifully walked toward the tiger enclosure, laughing as we joined a couple watching the tiger. In the big cat's pool, someone had placed what looked like an empty beer keg. The tiger was having the time of his life playing with the giant floating toy. I could see puncture marks through the metal and was glad he was on the other side of the glass.
The tiger crawled out of the water, then turned around and pounced on the floating keg. The keg, of course, bobbed and dunked him into the water with a delightful splash. The tiger popped to the surface a moment later with a look of surprise on his face.
"Aw look, the big kitty made Kaylee smile," Marissa said in a baby voice before she laughed and put her arm around me. I almost punched her, but I knew she was only trying to help me have a good time. The tiger had gotten a hold of the rim of the barrel and was pulling it out of the water, playing with the steel drum like a kitten with a new toy.
"I think he's adorable. You know I've always liked cats," I said nonchalantly. Allie grinned at me. I finished the last of my wine, glad for a moment to feel normal. This was how my life was supposed to be. I loved spending time with my friends, visiting the zoo, and having a good time. For a short minute, I was able to forget that my heart was broken and for that, I loved my friends even more.
"Well, I'm out of wine," I stated, staring into my empty cup. Marissa raised her eyebrows, and Allie shook her head when I didn't move to do anything about it.
"So, go get more. That's the beauty of Zoo Brew. I don't think they've run out of alcohol yet." Marissa pretended to check her watch, making me laugh a little.
"Alright, you two want seconds?"
Allie and Marissa both held out their empty glasses, their eyes back on the tiger.
"Hey! I am not your waitress! This is a self-serve kind of a place ladies," I chastised. They both fell over in a fit of giggles at their supposed cleverness. I shook my head at them, glad to have them in my life. This day was actually becoming enjoyable because of them.
Marissa hooked her arm around mine, and Allie repeated the motion on the other side. "We're off to see the Wizard..." Marissa began to sing, her voice horribly off key.
"Tiger here can be the Cowardly Lion," Allie said, blowing the tiger a kiss as we began walking back toward the wine tent. "I want to be Dorothy. Marissa, you're the Scarecrow."
"Why am I the Scarecrow?" Marissa pouted.
"Because you got no brain, sweetie," Allie said matter-of-factly. I snickered as we turned the bend, walking directly toward the penguin enclosure. My heart stopped as one of the little birds waddled out and dove into the cool water.
"What about Kaylee?" Marissa asked, oblivious to the fact that I had stopped walking and was staring at the black and white birds.
"She's the Tin Man," Allie said softly, following my gaze and understanding immediately, "because she's lost her heart."
Owen tossed a small sardine to one of the penguins, the little bird catching it in it's mouth. Two more hurried up to him, all begging and splashing for the fishy treats. Owen chuckled and handed me the bucket of stinky fish. His eyes were bright with amusement as he watched as the penguins waddle over like I was their new king. He laughed, one of the black and white birds deciding my boot looked like a tasty treat and pecking at it voraciously. They piled on top of one another, their funny bodies wiggling as they asked for more. Owen smiled at me like this was the best day of his life.
My lower lip started to tremble,
and tears gathered at the back of my eyes. I could practically see him there, laughing in delight at the funny, flightless birds. They were his favorite animal. A single tear broke through the dam, and suddenly I had buckets of tears pouring down my face. The crack in my heart had finally broken wide, and there was no pretending it was fine now.
Allie and Marissa exchanged a quick glance before practically dragging me off to a park bench hidden behind some trees where we wouldn't be bothered. I couldn't see the penguins anymore, but it didn't matter. The damage was done.
"What have I done? I've lost him," I sobbed into Allie's shoulder. She tucked her chin against my head, holding me to her like a small child as she smoothed my hair. "I should have stayed. I could have stayed and been okay."
"No, honey, you couldn't have." Marissa removed me from Allie's shoulder long enough to make me look at her. "You did the right thing. You couldn't have stayed there."