Too heavy.
Skimming the back of the box, I figured it wasn’t too complicated. I mean, come on, there were only a few steps: pee on stick, let it rest, check for blue plus sign in five minutes. I could do that. In fact, I would do that, and it wouldn’t take forever, so that was a relief.
It would just feel like forever
because I was freaking out.
I was at the point of hoping I’d somehow contracted some bizarre parasite to explain the early morning sickness. Of course, I’d also gained about ten pounds. I’d blamed it on eating great food while out with Brandon and living on Frappuccinos to stay awake on the job, but in context, it could definitely be another sign I was with child.
Like my mom had been too once.
And with no one to help me.
No, I could worry about if I’d fucked up once I knew for sure I was knocked up. I started to tear into the box when a loud knock sounded on the door. I had about five seconds to shove the box back under my towel as Tammy pounded harder.
“Hey, can you open up?”
Frowning, I did as she asked. “Yeah. Is something wrong?”
“I heard you ralphing again.” Her brows furrowed in concern, and she put the back of her hand against my head. “I don’t feel a fever. We can always postpone the party until you feel better? I don’t want to go without my bestie.”
I shook my head. “Didn’t your mom shell out tons for Taylor Swift to perform?”
She put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “Selena, nothing matters if I go off and have a good time and just forget my best friend.”
“You have tons of friends.”
“They’re mostly people who like to hang out with me because of Daddy’s name or because my stepdad is loaded, too.”
I snorted. “I get it. You’re pretty damn rich, Tam.”
“Yes, but they’re not usually the kind of friends who stick with you; who want to help you. You’re the kind of friend who’ll stay up with me till four a.m. when I can’t figure out how not to suck at a term paper. That’s friendship. So, if you’re not feeling up to it, I don’t care what Taylor has to do. We’ll just have it on another day. It doesn’t matter to me. What does is that my best friend is by my side.”
I swallowed hard, and the difficulty had nothing to do with the nausea roiling through my stomach. Now, because of Brandon, I lied to my best friend all the time. It was necessary to preserve everything, but I felt like an asshole. She gave me a place to live and understood during months where I was a little short on rent. She was the best friend I had on campus, especially since I hadn’t felt comfortable with my sorority post-Ashley. How had I repaid Tammy?
By doing things with her dad that would make a porn star blush.
Some friend I was.
Sighing, I shook my head. “I just need a few minutes. I’ll get a quick shower, clean up, and I’ll be ready to go.”
She bit her lower lip and studied me. “You sure?”
“You’d have to chain me to the radiator to keep me from going, trust me.”
Tammy laughed. “All right, but if I think you’re feeling shitty, I’ll still call the party earlier.”
“Trust me. I won’t. This is the big day, and I will so not be ruining it.” I breathed a sigh of relief when she closed the door behind her. Standing, I made my way to the sink and turned on the water. The cool drops soothed my worries and the rising flush of my cheeks. Looking up in the mirror, I tried to ignore the reflection.
Was it even possible to judge yourself?
I mean it was, but I was scared to see some angry scowl reflected back at me. I knew what I’d done, what a fraud I was, and Tammy didn’t deserve that. I had to get ready, but later I’d find a quiet corner at the party—their estate in Connecticut had like nine bathrooms—and do my test. Whatever else happened, I had to call all of this off. I couldn’t hurt Tammy anymore, no matter how hot Brandon was.
No matter how happy he made me.
As much as I cared about him, it wasn’t worth losing the best friend I’d ever had.
My family.